


In Dreams You Come

by CynthiaK2014



Category: Emergency!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 11:16:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 55,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4017709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynthiaK2014/pseuds/CynthiaK2014
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny's past comes calling.  Dr. Brackett helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is some remembered child abuse both words and beatings. Both are as bad as the other. Evil sometimes lives for generations.

Johnny POV  
Part one   
********************  
 _It was dark in the small forest clearing, the moon a mere sliver of silver light._

_I stood naked among the towering sequoias, my arms outstretched._

_The soft beating of a drum echoed the beating of my heart._

_A gentle breeze brought the smell of pungent pine._

_I felt the first drops of rain like a blessing._

_Turning slowly, I raised my face to the moon and asked her blessing._

_My feet made no sound among the pine needles and moist earth._

_The rain was warm against my bare skin and I breathed in the silence._

_But I waited, for what I didn't know._

_A soft sound brought my eyes down from the sky._

_A giant grizzly stood on the other side of the clearing._

_"Grandfather. Why am I here?"_

_The wise old eyes looked at me with so much love that I began to weep._

_His outstretched arms brought me within his grasp._

_Warm fur covered me from head to toe with love._

_Safe. I'd never felt so safe before._

_And loved._

_"Open your heart, little one." The deep rumble echoed in my mind._

***

I sat up in bed with a gasp. A snore from down the aisle told me that I was still at the station and not in some mystical forest. The elders of my tribe weren't here to interpret my dream nor was my totem animal, the bear. My hand shook as I pushed back the bangs from my forehead, feeling the tears on my cheeks.

Thank God, no one had been disturbed.

I could just hear the derision if any of the guys had been awakened by my dream. Swinging my feet over the side of the narrow bed, I got up to get a drink of water. Padding quietly down to the kitchen, I got some cold water from the fridge and went out on the back step to drink it.

The city lights dimmed the stars. I wished that I were far away from the crowded neighborhood. In the distance I could hear a siren and I prayed very hard that it wouldn't be followed by our call out. My nerves felt all jangled and I suddenly wanted to be out of here, deep in a forest where no one could find me and people didn't exist.

Well, maybe one person.

My mind policeman immediately jumped all over me. Don't go there, Gage. He's not for you. Keep on dating the ladies and keep your nose clean. Another twenty years and you can retire to the woods to be a hermit - if a burning building or a crazed sniper doesn't get you first.

I grinned derisively into the night. I knew better than to wish on a star or believe a dream. Wishes and dreams were just that, disappearing into the light of harsh reality. From the time I was a child, I'd had it beaten into me that life was hard and filled with what one should do.

Duty.

Getting up tiredly, I made sure the back door was relocked before I rinsed out my glass and set it in the drainer. Maybe now I could sleep. Tiptoeing up the stairs and sliding back under the covers, I settled myself with a silent sigh. I never had the dream twice running but maybe it would be different tonight.

Closing my eyes, I remembered the warmth and safety of my bear. And smiling, I fell back to sleep.

***

The day was pretty routine - a near drowning, an idiot painting too near a power line that we had to shock back to life and a kid with his head stuck between the wrought iron uprights at the branch library near us. I kind of enjoyed the library visit. The librarian and I were old friends. All those nights that the guys thought I was out on a date, I mostly spent reading at the library.

I couldn't let that get out though. The guys would never let me live it down. Roy knew but he wouldn't tell anyone. Someday, maybe I'd meet someone who liked books as much as I did. Someone I could share thoughts with or discuss the ideas I found in the psychology books. Snorting to myself, I figured the odds of that happening and sighed. Jung might believe in meaningful coincidences but I didn't.

The last call took us in to Rampart General Hospital and I let Roy take the old guy into the exam room while I took the empty plastic box to get filled with supplies. Dixie was there and we kidded each other back and forth while I got what I needed. I like the svelte blonde and she seems to have a soft spot for me. When there's nobody else around, our teasing is gentle. That's kind of a nice change for me. I don't have to hide myself then.

_Open your heart._

I shivered a moment and almost dropped the saline drips. The rumble from my dream snuck up on me. But I was alone in the room since Dixie had gone back to work. That hadn't happened in a long time. Usually my spirit-guide waited until I was meditating. I shivered again and decided to head for the hills as soon as I came off shift.

Turning, I saw Dr. Brackett at the end of the hall talking to one of the nurses. He looked tired and if he was on the same schedule he'd been on, he was at the end of an 18- hour shift. I was partially hidden by the storage room door and I could look my fill. The square jaw, dark hair, and broad shoulders under the white lab coat gave me the ache that seeing him always brings.

Just once, I'd like to hold him in my arms, let his head fall on my shoulder and run my fingers through his hair. Closing my eyes against the sudden onset of tears, I took a firm hold on my imagination and tucked that image away in my secret heart. Pasting on the smile that gets me through most anything, I left the storage room and started the walk back to the squad.

His dark eyes spotted me right away and the smile he gave me was so bright that I had to take a deep breath. We met near the nurse's station and I tried for a normal hello.

"Johnny, I heard you had a close encounter with a library."

And that hurt. He's the one person I'd like to share my reading with but it seems I'd done too good a job of making light of myself.

"That's one kid who won't ever try making a jail of the balcony railings again." I shook my head ruefully and would have passed on but he put out a hand to my arm that stopped me dead.

He radiates heat and the warmth traveled up my arm and straight into my heart. "I wondered if you were free this weekend, Johnny?"

Oh God, what I wanted to say but never could. "Need some help with something?"

"I got volunteered to help build a playground at that little park two blocks from my house. I told the Neighborhood Watch that I'd try to find some others who were handy with tools. Could I talk you into giving up a couple of hours for a good cause?" The hopeful look on his face erased any casual answer I might have made.

"Sure. Sounds like fun, Dr. Brackett. What time should I be there?"

"Really?" His eyes lit up and I absorbed that look for later. "Why don't you come to my place about 10:00 and we'll walk over to the park."

"Okay. I'll see you then." I nodded and caught sight of Roy signaling me. "Oops, looks like work. Bye."

"Thanks, Johnny." And he clasped my shoulder good-naturedly before heading in the opposite direction.

So I had two touches, three smiles and a chance to work with him for a couple of hours. Whistling, I joined Roy and put the supplies away first before driving away.

It was a good day.

***

Saturday dawned bright and cloudless. I sat in the empty space that was my apartment balcony. Soaking up the sunrise was a ritual that I missed when I was on a 72-hour shift. With my legs in a lotus position, I sat with a straight back and my eyes closed. Meditation is like a waking dream and so necessary after one of my shifts.

After I helped Kelly with the playground, I was heading for the cabin that I watched for an old friend. My bag was already packed and in the car. Since I'd never been inside his house before, I was excited and nervous at the same time. Not even reminding myself a dozen times that it was just a favor to a friend had any effect on the warm place inside my heart.

Opening my eyes, I gave thanks to the skies above for the beautiful day and the chance to see Kelly in casual clothes. Could I wish for jeans? Grinning to myself, I got up and went in to get dressed. I didn't have to think about what to wear. Jeans and a red t-shirt would be casual enough for hard work but still make me easy to find in a crowd.

Like Kelly would want to find me.

That little voice inside my head could be pretty annoying sometimes but I ignored him for now and finished packing my supplies into the car. There were no grocery stores where I was going and that was fine with me. I had refilled three of the five gallon bottles of water that was all the liquid refreshment I'd need while I was there. By using them in rotation, none of the ten bottles was older than a month. For some reason, I drank a lot more water when I was out in the wilderness.

The shallow well behind the cabin would provide me with enough water to clean and use for washing. I placed my re-sharpened ax in the trunk so I could make sure that the underbrush near the cabin was cleaned out. We'd had a rain four days before so the threat of fire, that was always present, would be slim. Mike and I had fitted a catalytic converter to the smokestack of the energy efficient wood stove so no sparks would fly out.

I can't stand people who take a chance with fire.

Checking the time, I realized that once again I was early. So, I got in the car and went to the library for some reading material for the weekend. Mrs. Butler had saved a copy of Patricia Garfield's Creative Dreaming. I liked the research into dreams that she championed and Mrs. B and I had a nice chat before I checked it out and headed for Kelly's place.

Roy and I had been there once before for a barbecue with the rest of the station crew. And I'd driven past a couple of times in a little detour on my way out of town. The house had been built in the 1930's and Kelly had brought his wife there when they were first married. When she died, he stayed on even though there must have been painful memories.

Maybe the good times outweighed the bad.

Pulling into the side driveway, I took a deep breath and let it out real slow. I'd have to be on my guard with him or I'd let my secret out. And he was too good a friend to lose because of some inappropriate hormones. Locking the car, I crossed the lawn before mounting the wide stone steps to the front porch that stretched across the house. It was a good nine-foot deep and the swing that hung from the rafters looked well used.

I rang the doorbell and as if by magic, the door swung open before the chime had died away. "Hi, Johnny. I'm glad you're here. I've got the coffeepot on and there's too much for the thermos. I need you to drink some or it will go to waste."

He looked younger in his jeans and blue polo shirt. His hair was mussed and his eyes still looked tired but his smile was brighter than ever.

"Good. I forgot to make any this morning so yours will keep me from being cranky." I smiled back and let the old wooden screen door fall shut behind me. He laughed and walked ahead of me down the long hall with the gleaming oak floor. To the left I saw his living room with the comfortable looking sofa and leather chair. The curtains were sheer gauze that let the light in to splash across the wide oak planks.

I envied him the natural wood I could see everywhere. Thank goodness no paintbrushes had been allowed except on the walls. The kitchen was bright and cheerful with butcher-block counters and white wood cabinets. It had a clean look and the brightly colored cups contributed to the cheery look.

Kelly was handing me a canary yellow cup filled with coffee, straight black the way I like it. "Johnny, could you break down and call me Kelly today?"

"Sure." I took a hasty sip and almost burned my mouth. Today was going down in my memories as a red-letter day. "I'd be glad to. It doesn't seem right in the hospital."

"Maybe not but today we're just us. I couldn't get anyone else to volunteer so it will just be you and me."

I chuckled the way he wanted me to but inside I was wishing it really was just us. Maybe out in the woods, sitting on the porch to watch the sunset and talking about things that really mattered. I watched him talk about the park and memorized every movement he made. Each smile was caught by my mind-camera and stored in the photo album with his name on it.

"You ready?" He asked and I shook myself back to the kitchen.

"Sure. The sooner we start, the sooner those kids have something to swing on." I said cheerfully. I carried the thermos and cups while Kelly took up his toolbox. Heading out the front door, he didn't even bother to lock it. The neighborhood must be a really safe one. It was either that or he had one of those snoopy neighbors who watched every thing that went on.

We walked side by side down the sidewalk and he kept me smiling with a story from his day before. He made me laugh out loud when he gave me his imitation of the hospital administrator and the whacked out patient who thought he was her fiancé. It wasn't often that Mr. Snyder came off second best and I was willing to bet that Kelly had enjoyed watching the anal-retentive man get his comeuppance.

There were ten other adults standing around a pile of lumber and metal. But the kids outnumbered us and their energy levels raised all our own. Kelly took charge the way he always does and broke us up into teams. My team had five kids on it but I just grinned and put them to work An hour later we had the swing set up and the first kid was getting pushed higher and higher.

I helped out with the jungle gym and surreptitiously watched Kelly try not to get any of his team brained by falling poles. It seemed to be some kind of tree house on stilts with a slide, swing and climbing bars attached. Once the jungle gym bars were anchored solidly, I moved over in time to catch a falling timber. It hit Kelly's shoulder a glancing blow and I watched him grimace then reassure the older man who'd slipped.

I watched him try to work out the muscle strain but after a moment, I made him sit down to rest it while I finished up the tree house. The kids were already shrieking happily when I handed him the empty thermos and took up the toolbox for our walk back to his place. When we got there, I sat him down in the kitchen and helped him take off his shirt.

The bruise was already coming up and I searched his freezer for the freezer bag that most have us have on hand. He hissed when I wrapped it in a towel and pressed it to his shoulder. His neck muscles were tight and I began a light massage that would help relax the tense tendons. His skin felt so good beneath my fingers but I had to be careful that I didn't stray too far afield and give myself away.

"You've got magic hands, Johnny. That feels wonderful." Kelly had relaxed into my touch and that felt right.

"I learned it the hard way, Kel. My college roommate was a real klutz who was always pulling a muscle or running into a door and I got used to patching him up. It was one of the things that steered me towards emergency medicine." My fingers itched to touch that silky hair but I restrained my libido.

"Why not go further and become a doctor? I know you're intelligent enough to stick the course." His voice was so calm.

"No money. Two years was all I could afford and that was with scholarships and enough loans to take another two years to pay back. The EMT certification was as far as I could go. And I still get to help people so that's my reward." I didn't talk about the hours that I spent fighting that decision and the tears that no one saw me cry.

Just my Bear.

I finished his massage and sat down across the table from him so I wouldn't be further tempted. He sighed and gave me the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. "Thanks, Johnny. I'm glad you said yes when I asked you. You're good with kids."

"My fellow firefighters would tell you that I'm just a big kid myself." I shrugged and gave him my usual grin.

"No, you respect them and they can tell that. You're not childish at all." He told me seriously and I didn't know what to say.

I had a feeling that I was blushing. "Um, thank you."

"Why don't you like compliments, Johnny?"

The simple question floored me. "Not used to them, I guess. Too many years of people telling me that I was a screw-up. Did a lot of silly things when I was younger."

"We all did. But you're good at your job and you have to know that you've saved lives. I'm glad that you're based in Station 51. You and Roy make my job that much easier."

"Thanks." I was sure that I was bright red and I didn't know what to do with my hands. "I better get going. I'm headed out of town for the weekend."

"I appreciate your help, Johnny. Are you going somewhere nice?" His voice was so wistful.

"Out to a cabin that I watch for a friend. Be a quiet time for me." I had to tell him the truth even if it wasn't what he expected.

"That sounds like heaven. We're short at the hospital and today was my only day off. I'm going to kick back and relax for the rest of the afternoon." He stood up to walk me out, balancing the ice bag on his shoulder.

"Maybe another time." I joked and was surprised to see him nod.

"I'll take a rain check for now. Thanks again." He gave me a one armed hug and I about hyperventilated while he walked me out to the porch.

"Sure. See you next week. Keep ice on that shoulder." I went down the front steps and out to my car. Strapped in, I waved goodbye to Kelly who had stayed on the porch to see me off. Carefully, I backed out and headed towards the highway.

But I watched him in the rear view mirror until I turned the corner. Putting him at the back of my mind, I said a mental goodbye to Kelly and put him back into the Dr. Brackett part of my mind. My little fantasy had run its course. But while it lasted, I'd stored up some great memories.

Even though I was lonely, I was a lucky man.

*******************   
Johnny POV  
Part two   
*************************

It was a good weekend. There was a lot of brush to clear and that kept me so busy that I didn't have much time to think. But when the sun went down and I sponged myself off, that's when I got caught. Those old feelings that slept so deep inside of me came to life and slid into my thoughts.

There's a reason that the Devil is portrayed as a snake. Need coiled inside of me like a rattler and he rarely gave even a little hiss before he slithered into my mind. Need, want, desire -- they were all things that I should have been able to control. I couldn't do anything about the rest of the human race but I should damn well be able to control myself.

Maybe that was the problem.

Control was important to me and falling in love meant losing control ... putting myself into someone else's hands. And I feared that more than almost anything else in the world. Childhood fears are the hardest to overcome. They're rooted deep and their tentacles spread to every feeling I had.

Snakes in Eden ... even in this old growth forest there was a serpent. And he was inside of me. It's why I always fall in love with someone I can't have. It's safer that way. But lonely ... so very lonely. I sat in the old rocker that I dragged out onto the porch every time I visited. Rocking makes me feel safe. I always wondered if it was an early memory of my mother before she died.

When my father died, I found her letters to him. He didn't talk about her and his parents wouldn't allow me to ask questions about her. Funny how my totem animal became Grandfather Bear. He'd given me more love and affection than either of them did in the sixteen years I lived with them. I thought Father had been indifferent to her but her letters were well worn and obviously handled many times.

Maybe he reacted the way I do. Shut the pain away and show the world a happy face must have been our family motto. I kind of regret not being able to talk to him about her. It would be nice to have even a second hand memory. I was only a year old when she died. She talks about me in the letters. He was traveling during her pregnancy and she wrote him every detail. I kicked her at four months and she told him that I was going to be a football player.

There was so much love in those letters. I must have had some part in that before she died. If I could only remember it. Blinking away tears, I got up and went inside. My watch on the table told me it was after midnight. Since I hadn't bothered with a lamp or a fire, all I had to do was take off my clothes and crawl into the sleeping bag.

I was tired enough that I fell asleep almost instantly.

***********

_There was a small light that made the dark not so bad._

_Little whimpers sounded loud._

_"There, there, little one, can't you sleep?"_

_The soft one picked me up and cradled me against her shoulder._

_Her long black hair smelled like rain._

_"Hush now, little one. What's wrong? You're dry so it can't be that."_

_Strong arms held me close while a hand patted my back._

_Delighted laughter. "You just wanted your mama, didn't you?"_

_My little hand grabbed the silky hair and brought it to my mouth._

_"That's not very edible, little one, how about we sit and rock for awhile?"_

_The room moved around us then we were in the chair that moved._

_"Here we are. If you let go of mama's hair then I can feed you."_

_Warm skin under my cheek and then I was sucking on a nipple._

_"That's right, little one. Drink and grow big and strong for me."_

_The milk was sweet and my hand patted her breast while I fed._

_"Mama's little angel, that's what you are. Mama's little angel."_

_I yawned and lost the nipple but went right back to work when I got it back._

_But my eyelids were heavy and it was so safe here, the rocker creaking and mama singing little lullabies to me._

_"All done? That's my little angel. Back to bed with you. Papa will be home tomorrow and he'll be so pleased at how big you are growing."_

_The bed was familiar and the blanket soft over my full tummy._

_"Sleep now, little one. I love you more than anyone else in the world. Sleep and grow strong for mama. Love you, angel." And her humming lulled me to sleep._

**************

I woke up with tears on my cheeks again.

Be careful what you wish for -- it hurts when you get it.

I never called my father anything but the formal 'Father'. I guess he didn't want to be a papa or a daddy when he was on one of his rare trips back to his parents where he'd parked me after she died. I miss her even though I never knew her. Maybe that's why I like the old rocker so much. It's my 'back to the womb' therapy. Cheaper than a shrink and more fun besides.

Getting up to greet the dawn, I went outside without getting dressed. Just my old leather slippers so I didn't cut my feet. Early mist rose eerily from the ground to trail upwards towards the wide spread tree limbs of the sequoias. Jogging through the trees, I found the clearing that I'd dreamed of a few days before. The sun would soon peek through the feathery foliage.

The golden glow spread out to touch everything. Closing my eyes, I spread my arms wide and raised my face to the sun. Softly, I hummed the lullaby from my dream and gave thanks to the Spirits for a chance to feel my mother again. Warmth encircled me like a hug and I felt tears begin to fall.

Cleansing tears heal, or so I've been told. I wasn't allowed to cry as a little boy so I guess I was making up now for lost time. Smiling, I opened my eyes in time to see an eagle soar upwards on a thermal wind. He looked strong and free. I would lock him inside my heart and bring him out when I needed him.

Like the picture of Kelly concentrating on the placement of a screw. Or the sound of his comforting murmur when he was putting a Band-Aid on a skinned knee. Maybe the gleam of sweat on his face or the feel of his skin beneath my hands while I massaged him, yeah, those were memories that I could savor when I went back.

After greeting the sun, I went back to the cabin and fixed a few things that needed it. Breakfast and lunch were combined into one meal. I spent the afternoon hiking through the woods and filling my lungs with cool fresh air. One day I wanted to spend a couple of weeks here. I'd have to have Mrs. Butler lay in a good stock of reading material for me. Grinning, I tidied the place and settled in for an early night. Bringing in the rocker, I fed the fire in the fireplace some more wood and lit the hurricane lamp so I could dig into the dream book.

A cup of tea, a good book and a fire to warm you, you just can't ask for anything better. At least I couldn't. The book was fascinating and I read until my eyes grew tired. I headed for the side door and the small bathroom there. Mike had installed a composting toilet so everything we brought into the woods, stayed there. After cleaning up, I went to bed and spent a dreamless night.

******************

Two days later, I was back at Rampart General with a woman who just couldn't wait to have her baby. He was a little fighter who crested while we were still on our way in and slid into my hands like a pro. That little miracle never failed to move me. New life is so precious.

I said a little prayer when I laid him in his mother's arms. The look of awe on her face when she saw her son for the first time reassured me. This little boy was wanted and loved. I could relax now. Dixie was the first nurse I saw and she grinned at me before shooing me off to the staff bathroom. Giving birth is a messy business and I'd been on the receiving end this time.

Roy followed and handed me the clean uniform that I kept in the unit before following our patient with the info that we had. I stripped quickly and stuffed the uniform in a plastic bag before heading into the showers. They had liquid soap dispensers on the walls and I washed all over speedily. Communal showers aren't my thing.

Turning off the water, I grabbed a towel from the stack the hospital kept ready in the staff bathrooms. Carrying it and my uniform, I moved to the last aisle of lockers to dress out of the way. When I heard the door swing open and a loud voice, I was glad I had. I can dress fast when I have to but I still hadn't dried off. And if there's one thing I hate, it's pulling those polyester pants on over damp skin.

I was toweling quickly while the voice kept on ranting. Trying not to listen, I froze when I heard the tones I will always hear.

"Damn't, Kelly, what would it hurt? I know you swing both ways."

"That's not the point, Simon. That was a long time ago. We were in residency and drunk on our asses. Not to mention, I wasn't married yet."

I could hear the pain in Kelly's voice and I kept on dressing so I could tiptoe out when they went into the showers.

"Yeah, like that would stop you."

I was really starting to dislike whoever this Simon was.

"I was faithful to my wife until the day she died." Kelly's tones were patient.

"Well, then you're overdo to score and here I am."

I was finished now and just waiting for the chance to dash out of the locker room.

"Ah, c'mon, Kelly, just a quickie for old times sake."

The sound of a scuffle broke out and I tensed, wanting to go to Kelly's rescue but knowing that he could handle himself.

"Ouch! Damn it, Kelly, that hurt."

"Simon, what is wrong with you? Are you this hard up?" Kelly sounded exasperated.

"Nah, I'm feeling fine, Kelly. Just fin-n-ne."

"What did you take, Simon? Are you back on uppers again?"

"Just a couple, you know how it is."

I shook my head silently and thought what an idiot this man was. Drugs are so stupid and a doctor should know better than anybody should.

"Simon, you need help. Let me get you to Joe Early. He can get you the treatment you need."

"I just need you, Kelly."

This time the scuffle was louder and when a locker got banged, I had to see if I could help. Quickly, I dashed out of the aisle in time to see Kelly duck one blow then get nailed by a wild swing. Simon was a good six inches taller and broader than my friend was but a good hammerlock subdues the largest man. And I had learned in a hard school how to kidney punch someone down to his knees, especially after they hit their head on your fist.

"Dr. Brackett, are you all right? You might want to call security."

He sat up rubbing his jaw and nodded. There was a phone in the locker room and he called for help while I sat on Simon with both of his arms twisted up to his shoulders. Kelly came back over and sat on the bench with a defeated look.

"I'm sorry you had to come to my rescue, Johnny. I thought I could handle him."

"You probably could have but it's hard to hit someone you consider a friend."

"Yeah, we were friends a long time ago." He shook his head. "Drugs really can make a fool of you."

"Yes, they can." That's all I had time to say before Security came bursting through the door.

Simon was coming to by the time they had him handcuffed and I left with my plastic bag of uniform. Kelly said thanks one more time before following Security out with his friend. Finding Roy, I had one last look at the baby I'd caught and even got a kiss on the cheek from his mother.

All in all, it had been an interesting day.

*****************

Three days later I was off duty and sacked out on the couch with another good book when a knock came at my front door. I hadn't been expecting anyone but Roy had said something about dropping by so I got up. But instead, it was Kelly standing outside my door.

"Kel- I mean, Dr. Brackett." I didn't know what to say.

"I know I should have called but I didn't want to give you a chance to say no." He smiled ruefully. "May I come in?"

"Sure." I felt like I'd fallen through the rabbit hole. "Please come in."

"Thanks and it's Kelly, Johnny." He came in and stood by the sofa.

"Sit down, Kelly. I could make some coffee." I hovered near the couch; not sure what to do while part of me was jumping up and down yelling 'yahoo'!

"It looks like you're drinking tea and if it's free of caffeine, I'd love a cup." His eyes were tired and I wished I could take that strain away.

"Let me get you some. It's a blend of chamomile and hibiscus." I said over my shoulder while I grabbed a clean cup from the cupboard. The teapot was still half full but I poured more water into the hot pot. He might want more than one.

Bringing out the pot and his cup, I found him reading the flyleaf of the book I'd been reading. It was one of Jung's that the Bollingen Press had put out on synchronicity and I'd been reading it for a couple of weeks. You can't read Jung flat out like you might a novel. You have to take small bites and let his ideas digest over time. That's just one of the reasons I like reading him.

Kelly looked up with a smile. "I read this about a hundred years ago during the residency that I shared with Simon. It looks like I need to re-read it."

I poured the tea and handed him his cup. "He's an author that I hope to have read all the way through by the time I die." I dithered over where to sit. It was pretty obvious that I'd been on the sofa reading so moving to the chair would be noticeable. So I took a deep breath and sat down by him but one cushion over.

"My late wife, Rosa liked one of Jung's disciples, Jean Shinoda Bolen. I've still got her copies of Goddesses in Every Woman and the Tao of Psychology. I expect you'd like the second one since it's on synchronicity." He took a sip of the tea and laid the book back down. "I need to apologize again for that scene in the locker room." He held up a hand at my protest. "I know you don't think I have to but ... I want to."

"Old friends don't have to be apologized for, we've all got them." I said anyway.

"Yeah, we do. But Simon touched on something that I'm afraid might have shocked you."

"What?" I could feel my spine go rigid. "That was none of my business and I wouldn't say anything about it to anyone else."

He touched my arm fleetingly. "I know you wouldn't, Johnny. I know you don't gossip and I've always found your 'live and let live' philosophy very refreshing. I guess maybe I needed to talk about it and you're the only one who might understand. You seemed to accept it so casually."

I was still on the alert but at least I'd been able to relax a little. "Not casually, Kelly, I did my own experimenting when I was in college. It happens but you moved on and had a great marriage with someone you loved."

He closed his eyes and rested his head on the back cushion; his legs stretched out and relaxed. "Yes, I did. Maybe that's why I was so pissed off at Simon. Quickies were never my favorites and they seem so tawdry now that I know what it can be like when you love the person you're with."

Biting my tongue kept the words from spilling out. What did that feel like, Kel? Making love to someone who loves you back? I took a deep breath and let it out. "You're lucky, Kelly. I've never found that."

He opened his eyes and shifted his head so he could see me. "It will happen for you, Johnny. You're intelligent and empathetic. And you've got a sixth sense that I rather envy. Does that come from the Indian side of your family?"

I didn't flinch because I'd had a lot of practice hiding my lack of family from everyone. And I hadn't known I even had an Indian side until my father died and I read his papers before his parents could ... sanitize the record. And for one scary moment, I felt like telling Kelly about that time in my life.

But I was afraid of his reaction so I nodded. "My mother had that sense so I guess I inherited it from her."

He smiled at me and I felt my heart melt a little, the way it always does around him. "If someone had to overhear my past catch up with me, I'm glad it was you. Thank you for understanding and letting me talk about it."

"You're welcome. Would you like some more tea?" I was afraid of any more revelations that might tempt me but during the half-hour that he stayed, we talked about books and finished the pot of tea.

When he left, I felt like I'd run miles and couldn't catch my breath. It was the most time I'd ever spent with him. I felt at ease with him when I walked him down to his car. Watching him drive away, I waved once before heading back upstairs. Putting on my running clothes, I prepared to do some heavy thinking on the run.

I locked the door behind me and contemplated my route while I stretched my legs and lower back. Just maybe I could have part of what I wanted. Maybe Kelly would become a friend like Roy was. Maybe half a loaf wasn't so bad after all.

****************************   
Part three   
*************************

It was hot and smoky in this little corner of hell that had been a luxury resort hotel. Station 51 had been called out after the first two stations couldn't contain the fire. The first victims had some smoke inhalation and minor burns but the ones coming out now were seriously injured. The LA Medivac helicopter was busy ferrying the worst victims to hospitals and we had a steady stream of ambulances coming and going. But we hadn't yet gotten to some of the interior rooms and we all knew what we'd begin to find there.

Bodies.

Roy clicked his position to me and I followed him into what had once been a conference room but was now just a fire-seared mess of charred tables and chairs. The first two bodies weren't too crispy but dead anyway. He waved his arm and I knew he'd found one still alive. I was checking the other side and when I found the door to the bathroom partially open, I pushed it further ajar to see if someone had had the sense to wet down.

"Johnny, I've got one to take out. How about you?" His tinny voice came over the static.

"There's one here and I think he's still breathing. He wrapped his head with a wet towel after he started burning. Coming out now." I hoisted him over my shoulder in the classic fireman's carry before joining Roy for the trip back out. Two dead, two alive -- not a bad ratio for a fire this bad.

The route out was finally getting wet down so we made good time. For the moment, we were missing an ambulance so Roy and I took our victims over to the unit to check vitals. My man had a pulse even though he was badly burned. I left the damp towel around his head instead of taking a chance that it might pull off burnt flesh. His airways seemed clear and I gingerly hooked up oxygen to help oxygenate his lungs. But it was anybody's guess what condition those lungs were in.

He was shivering continuously and I grabbed one of our blankets to tuck around him. Occasionally he'd moan a little and I sent up a quick prayer that he wouldn't come to before we could get him into the hospital. His clothes were mostly burned into his arms and legs and I hated to think what it would feel like when they were removed.

I may not have done him any favors. Both our rescues looked pretty charred. Just then, an ambulance pulled up and we were able to turn them over to those guys while we went back inside. Clearing my mind of those we'd found, I led Roy back in to see if we could save anyone else.

It was close to four o'clock when the hotel was declared off limits. We'd been too busy working to find out the casualty rate but for the last two hours we'd found nothing but corpses. The fire exits hadn't opened on several floors and the sprinklers had ceased working right after the original fireball had flashed through the third floor. The news crews were thick and the cops were busy keeping them back while Roy and I worked on a couple of the men from Station 47 who'd had a wall fall on them.

Matthews had a concussion and Riley was complaining of double vision so we loaded them up and headed out of the war zone. Roy is pretty easy going but by the time we got two blocks away, he was swearing out loud. The cops were doing their best but it looked like half of Los Angeles was lined up, craning their necks to see the disaster.

But finally we got out and on our way to a hospital. Roy called back that we were headed to Rampart and I nodded while trying to make sure that Matthews stayed alert. Riley and I kept talking to him and finally we got there. It was only slightly less chaotic then the hotel scene but Dixie found us a room and promised us a doctor as soon as one got free.

Roy and I tossed for the job of stocking up the unit and I won. Heading back outside, I took a quick inventory and stacked three bins on top of each other before moving down the crowded corridors to the supply room. One of the candy stripers had been given the duty and I gently led her through the procedures. All the nurses were being run off their feet with victims from the hotel fire.

The perky blond was a little scared of me at first and only then did I realize how bad I probably looked. I was sweaty, grimy and probably stank to high heaven. I was a little too real a reminder of the dangers of my profession. But she managed to keep her head and found all the items we needed. I was finishing when one of the crew from Station 47 showed up with empty bins.

We swapped stories while he filled up and the candy striper listened wide-eyed. I told him where he could find Matthews and Riley before heading out to the unit to put everything away. Locking up, I went in to see if I could help Roy. But before I could get there, one of the family members waiting to hear about a patient appeared to have a heart attack. So for the next five minutes, I practiced my CPR until they could get the crash cart there.

Finally, I was relieved and I headed to the end of the corridor only to be halted again. But this time it was a welcome stop. Kelly came out of the room beside the one where Roy was waiting. He was frowning and I wished I could take away whatever bad news he'd gotten.

"Johnny, you look like hell." He raised a hand to touch a bruise on my cheek. "But you're just the person I needed to see."

"Your bedside manner could use a little work, Dr. Brackett." I joked while trying to not lean into that hand. "Those we sent in are in a lot worse shape."

"You're right, Johnny. We lost two of them already and I'm afraid this one won't last out the night. He must have inhaled some of the super heated air because his lungs are charred." He shook his head. "The odd thing is his last name is the same as yours. His business card case was the only thing that didn't burn on him. I hope you don't have any relatives visiting."

My heart seemed to stop for a moment. "Gage is a pretty common name."

"Alfred N. Gage sound familiar?"

The world went black and I actually felt lightheaded. "Gage Industries?"

"Yes." His voice seemed to come from far away then his hands were on my shoulders and he was steering me into the room. "Sit down, Johnny."

I felt his hand on the back of my neck and realized that my head was between my knees. The smell of burned flesh seemed to fill the room and I held onto my control with every ounce of strength I had. "Kelly?"

"I'm right here, Johnny. Who is Mr. Gage?" His voice was so gentle.

"My grandfather. My father's father." How strange after all these years to say those words again.

"Then I'm glad you're here. Although, I wish I didn't have to tell you that with his lungs cooked, there's very little chance he'll survive." Those warm fingers stroked my neck and I wished that I could just stay here like this forever.

"We aren't close. I haven't seen him in twelve years." I swallowed a couple of times before sitting up, my eyes going to the figure in the bed. He was covered with one of my blankets and with a feeling of resignation, I realized that he was the man I'd carried from the bathroom. "It's ironic."

"What is?" Kelly stood close when I stood up, to catch me if I started to fall.

"They disowned me when I was seventeen." My voice sounded disinterested even to me. "Kicked me out when I told them that I wanted to visit my mother's people. I never went back."

"Then I'm doubly sorry that I had to tell you about him. Maybe you've been given another chance to forgive him." Kelly's hand on my shoulder was the only anchor I had.

"I don't know if I can." I whispered my eyes on the chest that labored to breathe.

"Don't let their actions dictate to you now, Johnny. You made a full life for yourself in which you save lives. You have good friends and people who love you for who you are." Kelly's voice was calm and I could feel myself begin to calm as well. "Tell him what you've accomplished. Tell him who you are now."

I nodded, not trusting my voice right then.

"I'll tell Roy what's happening and get you cleared to stay for now." His warmth began to move away. "And I'll be back in a little while to check on him."

Then I was alone ... with my grandfather.

The trembling started in my hands then spread to my arms and down to my legs. Turning away from the bed, I grabbed the back of the chair and picked it up to move it nearer to him. Sitting within touching distance, I stared down at my hands. They were dirty and I remembered how I'd been inspected before each meal when I was young. It's one of the reasons that I still keep them so clean.

"I'd like to thank you, Grandfather, for your insistence on clean hands. I still use the nail brush the way you taught me." I took a deep breath and let it out. "After I left your house, I worked for two years to earn enough money to go to school. I got a scholarship to the University of California and even ran for the track team while I was there. I'm a paramedic for the LA Fire Department. I've got the best partner in the whole department. His name is Roy DeSoto and we're good friends."

His hand seemed to twitch a little and I watched the monitor to see if I needed to press the button. But his heart kept beating and the little rasp of breath came and went.

"I've got an apartment near the Station. An old friend, Mike Sawyer lives near me, do you remember him? He has a cabin in the national forest and I go up there pretty often. That's where I relax and think about things. I read a lot and it's a good place to think about what I read. It's quiet there with only birds and small animals for company."

It was a definite twitch beneath the blanket. I moved it gently aside and saw the half-burned hand tremble. Very gently, I slid my hand under his then replaced the blanket.

"I was pretty angry for awhile. But a wise man told me that anger hurts and hate hurts the hater more. So, I gave up being angry and tried to give up the hurt of being rejected by you and grandmother. Mostly I try to forget my childhood except for a few good memories. Do you remember when I ran in the eighth grade race and won? When I told you about it, you said 'well done, John'. It's the only time you praised me. I guess that's why I remembered it."

The claw that was left of his hand moved over mine. Like a pat, maybe.

"Dr. Brackett is your doctor, Grandfather. He's the best. He and I helped build some play equipment for the kids in a park near his house. I had fun that day and I bet the kids are still swinging. It's a beautiful day outside, clear and sunny with hardly any smog. That's one thing I dislike about LA, the smog. One of these days, I'm going to leave the city completely and move out where the air is clean. I'll probably become a hermit and only come into town for supplies."

The pressure firmed and the head, still wrapped in the towel moved an inch towards me.

"I don't even know if you realize who I am. I need to tell you something but I don't know if I can. I thought you hated me like you hated my mother. But since I left, I realize that it wasn't so much hate as distaste. You thought mother's blood tainted the blood of your son and I was the result. I think you tried to love me but I looked too much like the woman who stole your son from you. I'm sorry that I wasn't the grandson you wanted." I was crying and I didn't even try to stop. "And I ... forgive you for not being the grandfather I needed."

The heart monitor let out a banshee shriek and I set aside my feelings to do what I could for the patient in the bed. Dixie showed up almost immediately and Kelly wasn't far behind her. The crash cart arrived and I ended up against the far wall watching my grandfather die.

Had he known it was me? Did he hear me and understand?

The long beep told me that I'd never know.

He was dead.

I slipped out of there and headed for the locker room. I couldn't tell if I was still crying because everything was numb. Once inside, I threw my coat on the bench and turned on the hot water. I kept soaping and rinsing until my skin turned red. Wouldn't it be funny if I got burned?

Like ...

"Johnny, I'm sorry." Kelly's voice came from over my shoulder. "I think your hands are clean enough."

I shook my head. "No, you have to use a nail brush to really clean your nails."

Strong arms came around me. Kelly's hands slid over mine, bringing them out of the water and up to my chest. I couldn't seem to stop shaking and he pulled me back against his chest, turning me so my head could fall on his shoulder. His arms held me and his hands rubbed small circles onto my back. He murmured things I couldn't quite hear but the tone was soothing.

I must have still been crying because it was getting hard to breathe. Hiccuping a little, I tried to get my emotions under control. But part of me wanted to stay right where I was and never leave. "I tried, Kel."

"I know you did, Johnny. The textbooks tell us that hearing is the last sense to go. If it was physically possible, I'm sure he heard you." He just kept rubbing my back and it was all I could do to stay upright. I wanted to lay my head down and sleep my way out of this nightmare.

"Dr. Brackett. Dr. Brackett." The warm arms stilled at the all-call over the PA speakers.

"Sit down here, Johnny. I'll be right back."

I sat and shivered. Picking up my jacket, I huddled in it finally realizing that I was in shock. But I couldn't seem to remember what to do about that. Then Kelly's warmth was back and only a lifetime of control kept me from flinging myself back into his arms. He crouched in front of me and waited until I met his eyes.

"We need to tell Mrs. Gage, your grandmother. Unless there's someone else that we can tell. We also need a formal ID. I know that you didn't look under the towel but we've got it partially pulled away now and his left profile is pretty clear. Can you do that for me? Identify him and give me a name and number."

I nodded, all my vocal chords refusing to work. He smiled at me and stood up, pulling me up with him. He steadied me and helped get my jacket on properly. It hadn't even occurred to me that it might not be Grandfather. We walked back to the room and I gathered my control to look at him. The left profile was indeed intact and I gazed at the familiar aquiline nose and thin lips.

"It's Alfred Gage. His son's name is Geoffrey Gage and he's in Berkley. The Gage Industries number on the business card will reach Geoffrey. The news will come better from the hospital than from me." I turned away and left part of my past behind. So much I wanted to tell him and now I never could.

I found myself walking down the long corridor to the Emergency Room entrance without any knowledge of leaving the little room. I walked out the sliding doors and sat on the back step out of the way of any personnel that might need it. The sky was red and orange but still clear and bright. The sun was setting and I thought about how ironic that was. The day was ending and so was one more relationship. Tightening my jaw, I kept the tears back. I needed to get away from here.

"Johnny, I'm going to drive you home." Kelly's voice came from beside me and I looked to see him standing in front of me but dressed in civilian clothes. "Please?"

I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded and let him pull me up to my feet. He kept one hand on my shoulder the whole way out to his car. He had a light blue Chevy Nova and I sat in the passenger seat totally numb while he backed us out. My mind was totally blank and I didn't even notice until we pulled into his driveway.

Turning to look at him, I surprised a slight frown on his face. Had I done something wrong or said something to make him grimace like that?

"Johnny, you're still in shock and I want to keep an eye on you. It's why I brought you home with me. Are you going to be okay with that?"

Maybe it wasn't something bad but just concern on his part. I nodded because I still couldn't speak. He smiled in relief and got out of the car, coming around to open mine too. Twilight had fallen, softening all the hard edges and masking the pain I knew I was showing. I could trust Kelly, I knew that. But part of me wanted to hide away, crawl into a hole somewhere and bury the pain.

He led me upstairs and into the back bedroom before starting to strip my clothes off. I tried to help him but my hands had gone numb like the rest of me. When I was down to my boxers, he steered me through the other open door into a large bathroom. When he snapped on the light it blinded me and I shut my eyes against the glare.

I heard the shower door open and then the sound of water while I stood there like a statue. Then Kelly's voice broke through the haze that was my mind. "Johnny, you need to shower. Can you do it by yourself?"

I thought about that for a moment before nodding. He came close and then my boxers were tugged down over my hips and off. That was part of one of my fantasies and I opened my eyes to glance down at the dark head so close to where I wanted him to be. Then he stood up briskly and propelled me under the stinging spray.

He handed me the soap and shut the door with himself on the other side. And I smiled sadly while I automatically began to clean my body. It seemed to be my day for having doors closed in my face. The water stung my eyes and I blinked rapidly while searching for the shampoo that should be within easy reach if Kelly was like the guys at the station.

It sat on a shower ledge and I concentrated on soaping and rinsing. I did it twice before I stopped smelling smoke. Blanking my mind completely, I soaped all over then stood under the hot water until it ran out. Only then did I turn off the water and open the shower door with the last of my energy. Kelly was sitting on the john with a pair of towels on his lap, waiting for me. With a smile, he threw a towel over my head before using the other one to dry my body. They smelled of fabric softener and I raised arms with lead in them to try and at least towel dry my hair.

Kelly was putting my arms into something soft and warm. Then he pulled me over to the john and set me down, taking over the towel on my head. When he let it drop, I'd almost fallen asleep and it was all I could do to whisper 'thanks' to him. He brushed the hair out of my face and it almost felt like a caress but I was still aware enough to know I shouldn't lean into that warm hand.

"Bed, Johnny. It won't seem quite so bad tomorrow." Kelly pulled me up and with one arm around my shoulders, he led me to the room across the hall from his bedroom. There was a small lamp on the oak dresser and that was the only light. The sheets were pulled back on the double sized bed and they looked soft and warm. He helped me out of the robe and into bed, tucking me in with one hand while the other brushed through my hair again.

"I hope this is all right. I put flannel sheets on the bed and there's a glass of water here for you on the table. I'm going to leave the light on in case you wake up and forget where you are." He sat down on the side of the bed and looked down at me with such a caring gaze that I felt like crying again. "Go to sleep, Johnny. I'll be here to chase away any bad dreams."

Nodding, afraid to trust my voice again, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

********************   
Part four   
**********************

Waking up, I didn't know where I was. But it wasn't a frightening feeling, more like an anticipation of something good. The sun flooded the window to pool on the light oak floor and splash up onto the white wicker dresser. I watched it for a long moment and finally my memories caught up to me. They hurt but I still felt kind of numb and it was too much trouble to worry about what would happen now.

"Good, you're awake." The cheerful voice from the doorway brought my eyes to him. "Did you sleep well?"

My voice felt rusty. "I ... I think so. I don't remember any dreams."

"Excellent. Up to some breakfast?"

I checked my stomach and it announced its displeasure with an audible growl.

"I'll take that as a yes." Kelly chuckled and disappeared, only to return a moment later with a wicker tray filled with dishes. "I wasn't sure what you might like so I made an assortment."

"I'm not picky." I struggled to sit up, only then remembering that I'd been put to bed naked.

"Hold on. I'll stuff some more pillows behind you. I'll have you know that only my closest friends get breakfast in bed." Kelly grinned at me and put the tray on my lap before opening a drawer in the dresser and pulling out another pillow. He smelled of clean soap and water when he put it behind me, his hand warm on my shoulder.

"Thanks. It looks good." And it did. There was toast, a bagel, scrambled eggs, three strips of bacon and sliced cantaloupe. "You didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"You're a friend, Johnny. And this is what I do for friends." He sat on the edge of the bed and watched me start to eat. There were two cups of something hot and he took one of them and started to sip. "I think you'll like this tea. I checked at the health food store and they swore that this blend would reduce stress and promote mental calm.

"Does it prevent hair loss too?" I felt good enough to try a little teasing.

"They didn't say but it couldn't hurt." He grinned at me and I smiled back while I speared a slice of melon and began to chew.

Breakfast was one of those times that I knew I'd remember forever. Kelly spoke of plans for his garden, some more equipment that the Neighborhood Association wanted to build for the park, his last shopping trip to replace some jeans, in short - the kind of conversation that friends have. And for the first time, I felt like we could be friends, not just friendly acquaintances.

And that felt good. Better than good ... that felt great.

In the trying days to come, I would hug this memory close and let it warm me. I couldn't just ignore Grandfather's death, as much as I wanted to run away and stay away until they forgot about me again. They would eventually but for now they would expect me to conform to their expectations. I wouldn't be free much longer and I needed to soak up all the friendship vibes I could.

"Roy brought some clothes over for you. He said to tell you that Captain Stanley said you're on bereavement leave and to take the time you need. The guys from the station send their best wishes and Dixie told me that she's got a hug with your name on it. Your . . . uncle sent a representative for the body."

I chuckled and swallowed the lump in my throat. It was good to remember that I had several good friends here. And some of those friendly acquaintances that I'd just thought about. "I'll probably need Dixie's hug after they get done with me."

"Your family isn't close?" He spoke hesitantly.

"I haven't been part of the ... family since I was seventeen." I debated with myself over whether to say more but his eyes drew the truth out of me. "My father left me with his parents when my mother died. They were blue bloods who must have hated my mother with all the passion they were capable of. I wasn't allowed to speak of her or ask questions about her."

I took another drink of tea to give myself a moment. "Not very healthy, right? When Father died, I found her letters to him. None of his but all of hers were there for me. He had put them in plastic sleeves when they started to fall apart. He must have loved her so much. I always wondered why he hated me."

"He hated you?" Kelly's eyes widened. "How could he when you were all that was left of her?"

Shrugging, I dropped my eyes to the last of the eggs, stirring them with my fork in aimless patterns. "I never knew because he continued the ban on her name. It was in the letters that she spoke of her people. They must have met in college and married quickly. If he'd brought her home, his parents would have stopped them. But after he graduated and joined the family business, she got pregnant and they lived apart from his folks. Her letters were so ... happy while her pregnancy progressed. My grandfather sent him all over the globe to try and wean him away from her but they stuck together."

"She must have been a beautiful person inside and out." Kelly stilled my hand with his. "All I have to do is look at her son to see that."

I blushed. Compliments still startle me. "I was a year old when there was a car accident and she was killed. I was in the back in my travel seat and never got a scratch. Sometimes I dream about her and when I wake up, I know that I was loved. Just because I was me ... her son and a part of her."

"You're very lucky to have such good memories of her." Kelly was holding my hand, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on the back of my wrist. "What about your grandparents?"

I still shiver when I think of them. "They hired a nanny to take care of me, then a tutor to drill me in my studies. My father came home twice a year and left as soon as he could. When I was twelve, they sent me to the Academy to toughen me up. I've never hated a place as much as I hated it there. My cousin Wendell was a year older than me and pretty much made my life hell while I was there. I should be grateful, I guess. It did toughen me up. Paramedic training was a snap compared to the hazing I got for the next five years."

"I dislike them intensely and I haven't even met them." Kelly's jaw was tight but I knew he wasn't mad at me. "But you said you found your mother's letters when your father died?"

I nodded. "I was lucky I got to his luggage before the staff could. They were in a three ringed binder and as soon as I saw her handwriting, I knew that they belonged to me. So, I took them and hid them. After the funeral, when they'd sent me off to my room, I climbed out of my bedroom window and climbed up to a branch to read them with my flashlight."

"That must have been hard."

"Yeah, it was. I read the love and joy in every word with almost disbelief. The man she was writing to didn't resemble anyone I'd ever known. And when she talked about her people the Apache, it was like looking into another world. I read those letters all night long until I memorized them. The next morning I mentioned the letters and asked my grandparents if I could go and visit her family." I swallowed and gripped his hand a little tighter.

"They never yelled at me, they were too well behaved for that. While Grandfather was telling me that my request was in poor taste so soon after the funeral and impossible for many good reasons, Grandmother went upstairs and found the binder." I spoke around the lump that always came when I thought about that morning. "She brought it down and burned it in the fireplace while my Uncle Geoffrey held me back from trying to save it. I packed up and left that night."

Kelly slid the tray off my lap and to the other side so he could gather me into his arms. I hadn't even realized that I was shaking until he stilled the shivers with his warmth. "Johnny, there are no words to tell you how brave I think you are. What you survived would have wrecked a weaker man."

I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled him like the air I needed to breathe. "There wasn't much left of her family and I was a reminder of the white man's world so the reservation wasn't home either. But at least there, they were willing to teach me some of their ways. I grew stronger and when I left, I knew what I wanted to do with my life."

"That's why you couldn't afford enough college to become a doctor." His hand stroked my neck slowly.

"Un-uh, I was lucky." Unburdening my soul was making me sleepy. "I had a great college roommate and the chance to work at the County morgue. So, I made out okay."

"You made your own luck, Johnny. I'm glad you survived intact. But for the moment, I want you to sleep some more." He laid me back and smiled down at me while removing the extra pillows. "When you wake up again, we'll talk about what you want to do about the funeral."

He didn't understand and I was glad he couldn't know what They were capable of. "They'll expect me to go."

"Do you want to go? I won't let them take away your choices." He was still holding my hand and I never wanted to let go.

I thought about it while part of my brain savored his determination to protect me. All of my life I'd been lucky in keeping good friends. And suddenly I realized that that was a shield against the weapons my family were sure to be sharpening for me. Maybe I could go there and return without endangering this life I'd worked so hard for.

"I need to go, I think. Lay some old ghosts and make a clean cut with the past. There are some old feelings that need to be purged out of my dreams."

"Sleep on it for now. Whatever you decide, you won't be alone. I can promise you that." He smiled and tugged up the sheet, tucking me in. Then his hand was back, brushing my hair back slowly. The rhythm was hypnotic and I felt a little purr start deep inside that I couldn't allow to reach the surface.

And closing my eyes, I went to sleep without dreams.

*******************   
End parts 1-4


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funerals can be hell. Family can be toxic.

Roy POV  
Part five   
***********************  
"Yo, Roy! You got a visitor." I looked up to see Chet wave towards a tall man in a suit. Putting down the report that I was trying to finish up, I stood away from the table and walked out to meet the stranger. Except that there was something about him that teased my memory.

"I'm Roy DeSoto." I tried a smile but his face never relaxed from its supercilious stare.

"I'm looking for John Gage. The ... other man said you are his partner?"

The tone told me that he didn't think much of my appearance so I just nodded and waited for him to tell me who he was. The silence grew uncomfortable for him but I had a lot of experience with outlasting my kids so I just stayed silent.

"I'm his cousin, Wendell Gage. He's not at his apartment and he's not here. I wish to talk with him." You'd have thought that every word cost him a million dollars.

"He's staying with friends." I could see why Johnny didn't talk much about his family if this guy was at all the norm. And I finally saw why he'd seemed so familiar. He and Johnny shared the same eyebrows and eyes. "I can give him a message."

"That is not sufficient. I need to speak to him." He spoke so condescendingly that I had a real urge to say 'no' but I didn't want to make it worse for Johnny.

"I'll give him a call and see if he wants to speak with you." Turning on my heel, I walked back to the wall phone and punched in Brackett's number quickly so he couldn't see it. When it rang, I waited until he picked up before announcing myself. "This is Roy, Kelly. I have Johnny's cousin, Wendell here with me. He wants to talk to Johnny."

"Damn. They aren't letting any grass grow under their feet. Johnny is getting dressed. He slept all night and most of the morning. He's calmer now but from he's told me about Wendell, this is not going to be easy on him. Hold on." I heard a door shut on his side of the phone and he covered the receiver before speaking to my partner.

"Roy, I'm sorry you have to be in the middle of this." Johnny's voice sounded old and tired. "Put him on, please."

I handed the receiver to the cousin and watched his sneer. "Well, John, still running away, I see." There was a short pause. "Grandmother expects to see you at Berkeley. The funeral will be in three days. I hope you have suitable clothes?" Another short pause. "You will stay at the estate, of course." He frowned. "She won't like that. It will reflect badly on the Family."

I could hear the capitol letters in his voice.

"It's your funeral, John. That won't further your interests with the Company." He sneered at the wall. "You always were weak, Cousin. What a reunion it will be when you return to the bosom of your family. I do so look forward to meeting you again. Enjoy your retreat while you can."

He hung up and looked around at the break room like it was a slum. "Such an interesting experience, seeing how the little people live. Tell my cousin when you see him that I was glad to see my opinion of his ability to succeed was right on the money."

He stalked out like he was stomping bugs beneath his feet. As soon as I was sure that he was gone, I called them again. "Kelly, its Roy. Cousin Wendell is gone. How is Johnny, really?"

"That bastard really shook him. I sent him out to the porch to sit in the swing." Kelly sighed and I could hear the pain. "He can't go to the funeral alone. I won't let him be alone with that bunch of vipers. Not if I can help it."

I was a little taken aback by his vehemence but I agreed with what he was saying. "I think we can muster up at least two of us. Berkeley isn't that far away. We could drive up and support him through the funeral. I'll come for sure."

"Good, that will make two of us. Roy, how much has he told you about his family?"

"Not much. His mother died young and he lived with his grandparents. Most of his stories start at college and go from there. He looks sad sometimes when he's over at my place and the kids are playing with us. Cathy likes to crawl into his lap when she's tired and he always holds her as if she was something rare and precious instead of the little pest she can be." I had no illusions about my three-year-old daughter who alternated between demon and angel.

Kelly's sigh told me that he knew why Johnny had that reaction and that made me feel a little funny. Until today, I had considered myself Johnny's best friend but it looked like Kelly had taken over that position. I'd have to think about that before I saw him again.

"He talked to me a little and I have to tell you that I'm already more than a little hostile to the family. We're lucky he's a very strong man with a resiliency that awes me." He sounded angry and I was suddenly glad that he considered me a friend. "He'll probably want to talk to you tonight. Can you come for dinner, Roy?"

"Sure, I'd like that, Kelly. Does Johnny need anything else from his apartment?"

"He left his book on the coffee table. Could you bring it when you come?"

"No problem. I'll be there about six, barring any emergencies."

Kelly said goodbye and I hung up the phone slowly. There was something different in his voice and I thought about what it might be. He sounded rather like Joanna did when one of the kids was being taunted on the playground - protective. After seeing Johnny's cousin, I could well believe that he might need that.

*******

Dinner was good. It was odd watching the two of them moving around the kitchen as if they'd done this a hundred times before. Kind of like Joanna and I do on a Sunday when we have guests. It was nice, like a family dinner without the kids. And that's when my mind made a connection that should have been made a lot earlier.

Johnny's eyes went to Kelly over and over, as if he couldn't believe he was here.

Kelly's gaze was worried when he looked at Johnny. And he looked at him a lot.

I may be slow but I get there eventually. I'd always known that Johnny's reputation with the ladies was highly exaggerated. He was a loner with a capital 'L' except for a few of us at the station. He was a reader and he trusted me with that knowledge but he didn't talk much about what he was reading.

But he and Kelly were arguing some point in the book I'd picked up and brought over. It was way over my head but my partner was holding his own with the educated doctor. And that intellectual prowess was something he had hidden from all of us. I had to wonder why he felt he had to hide so much of who he was. And it hurt that I'd never known this side of him.

I wondered if they had done anything about the strong attraction I could see between them. Watching Johnny chuckle and drop his eyes, I doubted that he'd given in to the feelings. He was such a private man, his heart hidden under the layers of years. It would take a pretty strong personality and someone with a caring heart to take the time to peel away those layers to the wounded heart underneath.

And if I'd chosen someone, Kelly Brackett would have been top of the list.

His caring compassion and never-give-up attitude on his patients was just what Johnny needed. So I couldn't even feel jealous but I could be worried. Johnny has a pretty wide protective streak of his own and if he could he'd protect us even from himself. I'd have to get Kelly to one side and explain a few things to him.

I'd also have to stick like glue until this whole family thing was over. It didn't take an Einstein to see that a great deal of Johnny's pain came from his childhood. And that brought out my own protective instincts. My partner was my best friend and I'd be damned if I'd let some arrogant bunch of idiots hurt my friend.

Thank goodness Joanna would understand. She had a soft spot for Johnny and usually treated him like one of the family. That's what would help us all through the coming ordeal, that sense of belonging together through thick and thin. And if the rest of the family matched Wendell's attitude, there were some real hard times coming.

Watching Kelly bring another smile to my partner's lips, I said a quiet prayer that they'd be able to come through this with their friendship intact. And just maybe they'd realize that they loved each other and do something about it. I was looking forward to hearing Johnny's explanation.

Then again, maybe I'd just tell the pair of them congratulations. Smiling to myself, I promised them silently that if I had to, I'd knock their heads together or lock them in a small room until they could say it out loud.

'I love you' just isn't said as much as it should be.

And maybe I better go home and tell Joanna how much I love her. They walked me out to my car and I gave Johnny a hug that he returned gingerly. He'd have to get used to it if he stayed with Kelly. That man has a healing touch and always has. They were already back to their discussion about coincidences when I backed out of the driveway and headed home.

The next few days promised to be pretty eventful. I just hoped we survived them.

*********************   
Johnny POV  
Part six   
*********************

I fussed with my tie. Damn thing wouldn't knot right. I could feel myself beginning to panic and knew that I had to get a hold of myself or They would win.

"Let me." The calm voice behind me made me start.

I watched his hands in the mirror, feeling his warmth all along my back. With a few deft movements, he had it knotted perfectly and then those hands settled on my shoulders. "Thank you."

"My pleasure. You know that Roy and I will be right there with you. You don't have to face them alone." His eyes were so warm.

"I know. It's time to see them but part of me is still that little boy who wondered why they didn't like me. The one who tried so hard to please them that he ended up losing himself." My voice couldn't seem to rise above a whisper.

"But you didn't lose yourself, Johnny. You grew up and became the man I'm proud to call a friend. There is nothing they could do or say that would keep me from your side." His eyes were so dark that I could see myself in them.

"Promise?"

"I promise." Kelly's voice had deepened until I could feel every syllable in my bones.

"Okay. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Turning slowly, I gave him every chance to step away but he stayed right there. For one breathless moment, I thought he was going to kiss me but instead he brushed a gentle finger over my cheek before stepping back.

"We're both ready. It's time to go pick up Roy and Captain Stanley at the airport." He checked for the keys to the rental car and we were off.

It still didn't seem quite real, none of it. I'd stayed with Kelly until we flew up to Berkley. He'd made reservations at the Hilton and arranged the tickets for Roy and the Captain to fly up the day of the funeral. They'd stay the night in the second suite at the hotel before flying home tomorrow. Kelly and I would be staying on until the reading of Grandfather's will then we'd be able to escape.

And I still wasn't sure exactly why I'd given in and allowed them to come. It would have been better all around if I'd just gone up on my own, taken my lumps and come home. But somehow Kelly had just started making arrangements and taking it for granted that he was coming along. Then the Captain and Roy announced that they were coming too and somewhere along the line, I lost complete control of the situation.

It felt kind of nice. My friends really are the absolute best.

So, here we were the four of us making stilted conversation on the way to the cold stone church where the Gage family worshiped. The parking lot was packed and I felt the old terror rise up from where I'd stuffed it so many years before. The last time I was here was my Father's funeral. I never realized that you could hate a place.

This one ranked right after the Gage estate and the Academy.

Kelly fell in beside me and the other two followed right behind when we walked up the wide stone steps to the large doors that stood open. I didn't recognize either of the ushers who handed us the ivory programs, tastefully edged in black. Grandmother never missed when it came to etiquette.

But inside the vestibule an old friend was there to greet me.

"Johnny, I wasn't sure if you'd come." The tall blond pulled me into a hug.

"Mikey." I hugged him back then introduced him to my friends. He was the one bright spot from my childhood. The Sawyers lived two estates over from us and the few times when I'd been able to escape the ever-vigilant tutor were spent with Mike. We'd reconnected in college and it was his cabin where I retreated when I needed solitude.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. His folks were nice and I'd often wished that my father were more like his dad.

"John." The cold voice from behind me matched the suddenly chilly air. "How kind of you to fit us into your busy schedule. You'll be sitting with the family on the left. I'm sure your . . . friends will excuse you."

"Uncle Geoffrey." I couldn't bring myself to say how nice it was to see him because it wasn't. My last memory of him was the cruelly strong grip that kept me from saving my mother's letters.

"I'll take care of your friends, John." Mike shot me a warning look and I nodded slightly, giving them a small smile of reassurance before following my uncle to the front pew.

If I were very careful, I wouldn't have to really look at any of them. Soft murmurs followed us up the aisle and I tried to distract myself from the coming confrontation. Aunt Priscilla, Geoffrey's wife, sniffed at my appearance and I could see her sharp gaze judging my raw silk navy blue suit with surprise. One of the only things I kept from my youth was the ability to appreciate good clothing.

It wasn't much for seventeen years of lessons but valuable in its own way.

Then my grandmother was in front of me and her clear blue gaze looked right through me, pinning me with the skewer of her distaste. "John."

"Grandmother." I bowed my head to her and kept walking to the other end of the pew. I had perfected the ability to keep moving and acting as if everything were all right by the time I was twelve. Now it was my shield against the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Sitting down, I faced the closed casket with almost a sigh of relief. It was easier to face the dead than it was the living. I'd never have to fear the cutting words and stinging disappointments that were my grandfather's stock in trade. They had hurt much worse than grandmother's cane.

Discipline was a two tiered business in my family. I still bore the scars of both kinds of beating. Wendell appeared and sat beside me with a sneer.

"Done with running away, dear cousin?"

"Yes." I kept my eyes on the casket. We sat shoulder to shoulder, not touching while I pondered the fact that we were the same height and he was beginning to put on weight. For some reason, I expected him to be larger the way he had been when we were teens.

A tiny bit of weight fell off at that realization.

The service was full of glowing remarks about Grandfather's accomplishments and devotion to his loving family. I was even mentioned among the survivors. The minister waxed eloquent while a professional choir sung the hymns and there wasn't a single flicker of warmth from beginning to end.

How sad.

Suddenly I felt a warm wind pass me and when I looked up, I could have sworn that I saw someone standing by the casket. For a moment, I felt what could have only been a memory of my father. My eyes blurred for a moment and I remembered seeing the two of them standing beneath the tree where I had climbed to hide. Grandfather had one hand on his son's shoulder while my father shook his head and kept saying 'no, I can't come home even for you.'

Maybe they were together now.

Then Wendell was nudging me and whispering that I was one of the pallbearers. Hiding my discomfort, I went to the other side across from my cousin. This was one step closer to being over and I would have done almost anything to leave the sterile air of the church. Mike caught my eye and I saw with relief that Kelly and the others were beside him.

The warm smiles from Kelly and Roy kept me from freezing to zero. The casket seemed to weigh a ton and I thought about what a waste it was to make something so ostentatious then abandon it to the soil and worms. My lawyer had strict instructions that I was to be cremated and thrown to the four winds near the cabin in the national park. I wanted to go to work right away helping new plants begin to grow.

That thought lasted me through the ride out to the cemetery in our rental car. Kelly was my anchor while I listened to the final prayer and threw my handful of dirt into the hole. Captain Stanley and Roy radiated protection when Uncle Geoffrey invited us back to the estate with his usual supercilious air. At least Wendell inherited it honestly.

Mike came with us and when I got into the car, I felt as tired as if I'd run a marathon. He gave Kelly directions while I rested my head against the back of the seat. "Johnny, you going to be okay?"

"When I'm home again ... then I'll be okay. For some reason, Uncle Geoffrey told me I had to be here for the reading of Grandfather's will. I can't imagine him leaving me anything so I don't know why I have to stay." I kept my eyes closed because I didn't want to see the familiar drive and pristine gardens where I was never allowed to play.

"He may not have had a choice, Johnny. The estate originally came from his grandfather and was entailed to succeeding generations. There have been some odd rumors about Gage Industries lately." Mike shrugged. "They're a prime candidate for a merger with Global Economy. You may own stock from your father and not realize it."

"Great!" I opened my eyes and sat up, twisting around so I could see my old friend. "That means they're going to want to hang and draw me."

"Yeah, sorry. I thought I'd better warn you." He grinned ruefully. "Marcus Ralston is the family lawyer and he lunches with my dad about once a month. He mentioned that it might be a good idea if you were found sometime soon, since you turn 30 next month. Dad told me last week and I was planning to talk to you before your grandfather died."

"This just keeps getting better and better." I rubbed my forehead tiredly.

"You're not alone in this, Johnny. We'll back you a hundred percent." Captain Stanley's voice was deep and strong.

"If you want us to stick around tomorrow, we will." Roy said decisively.

I felt like crying at their concern. "You guys are the best friends I could ever have. But this is my fight and you're needed back home. I'll be back there as soon as I can. No stock options are worth my life, the one I've created back in LA. If I can't get rid of them, I'll give Mr. Ralston my proxies." 

"You might just have a chance to make a difference, Johnny. At least listen to what Ralston has to say." Mike spoke quietly but I knew what he was really saying. This might just be the fight worth fighting if I could clear away all the memories of the past.

"I'll listen, Mikey. I promise." I turned back around in time to see the front gates come into view. I closed my eyes again. I really wasn't ready for this, for the rush of memories that overwhelmed me. The car stopped and Kelly's hand covered my fist on the seat beside me.

"Let them go, Johnny. They're old memories and this is now. We're here with you and I really want to see the tree you used to climb." His voice was low and he knew just what to say to bring me out of my funk.

I nodded and opened my eyes to look at him. He was my talisman and my shield but I couldn't let him or them know that. They had seventeen years worth of weapons but I had gathered twelve years worth of shields. They would have to be enough because the battle was now.

Getting out of the car, I looked around as if I was a perspective home buyer. "Well guys, this is it, the family estate. There are three floors, seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, servant quarters over the garage, a formal dining room, a breakfast nook, basements full of seventy years accumulation of junk and an attic treasure trove of unopened trunks and boxes. I always figured if it ever caught fire, it would take two days to burn to the ground. Come on. It's the last time I ever want to see this place."

Roy moved to one side and Mike to the other with Kelly and the Captain guarding my back. It wouldn't last but at least they gave me the courage to walk inside the front door. The funeral buffet was plentiful and in perfect taste. It took me fifteen minutes to realize what was really bothering me about the company.

There were no children. None.

Maybe Wendell and I were going to be the last generation of dysfunctional kids. I certainly didn't plan on getting married and I pitied the poor woman who married into this clan. Wendell was a bully and a cheat. His wife would have to have a shell three inches thick to let him anywhere near her. Maybe this family was finally petering out.

I could only hope. The guys and I ate whatever looked good while circling through the public rooms of tastefully dressed people. Some of them I recognized but most didn't register. I had only been seventeen when I left and I was always the after thought anyway. Before I could show Kelly the tree I used to climb, Uncle Geoffrey cut me out of my protective circle with the skill of a master.

The long walk to the back study where Grandmother held reign was silent. He didn't think I was worth talking to and I had nothing to say. Tapping lightly on the door, he waited for the soft command before opening the door and leading the way in. This room always seemed dark to me but then it was always punishment time when I was here.

"Sit down, John. This won't take long." Her precise accents from behind the Queen Anne desk stiffened my shoulders in an automatic reaction that shook me hard when I realized what I was doing.

"It won't take any time at all. I know there's an entail and Mr. Ralston can take care of the rest." I moved the chair from in front of the desk to a slightly different spot. Just a little trick I learned in psychology class.

"You don't want to know what your Grandfather said about you in the will?" Her voice might even have sounded wistful to someone who didn't know her as well as I did.

"He's dead. We had our chat in the hospital before he died." I watched her eyes narrow. She hadn't known that he was still alive when he reached the hospital. "I owed him the respect of attendance at his funeral. Now that that is done, I'm going home."

"A low rent apartment and the dorm room of a fire station in a low class neighborhood." Someone had done her homework.

"It beats a high class neighborhood where no one is what they seem and lies are just part of the social scene."

"You hate us so much." She stood and shook her head sorrowfully as she made her way to the sideboard and the crystal decanter of whiskey. "I've thought about you so often over the years. Wondered how your visit to the Indian Reservation went. What wonderful memories you must have made with a drunken uncle, a half-witted aunt and a grandfather dying of some obscure disease."

"As I'm sure you know, I stayed with them until my grandfather died of radiation poisoning, compliments of secret nuclear testing on the reservation. Is there a point to this chitchat, Grandmother? You never used to be so maudlin." I'd stood when she did but I had to divide my attention between her and Uncle Geoffrey.

"You should show more respect to your elders, John." He said gravely.

"I show respect to those who earn it. If there isn't anything more, I'll be on my way."

"A drink, John. One last toast to the best husband a woman ever had." Her hand shook while she poured out three glasses. Uncle Geoffrey crossed the room and took two of them while she looked up at the portrait of my grandfather that hung in the place of honor.

He brought one of them to me and I took it automatically while I watched her communing with the dead man. He raised his glass and said, "To Albert Gage."

"To my Albert." She raised her glass and tossed it back neat. She must have an iron stomach because I could barely tolerate the bitter liquid that I gulped gingerly. "I will expect to see you tomorrow at ten. Mr. Ralston will be reading the will here at the house." 

I set the glass down on the corner of the desk. "Goodbye, Grandmother."

She didn't even turn when I walked around Uncle Geoffrey and out the door. The corridor seemed to stretch forever before I finally got back to the living room. Kelly was watching the hall and the look of relief on his face warmed my heart. Crossing to his side, I realized that I'd begun to sweat.

Taking on Grandmother must have upset me more than I'd thought. "Let's get out of here, Kel. Where are the others?"

"We're here, Johnny. Ready to go?" Roy looked eager.

"Let's blow this pop stand, gentlemen." I was out the front door with them right on my heels. We were actually in the car and heading for the highway when the first cramp hit me. I'd had one of the jalapeno pepper balls so I tried to ignore it. But then there was another one and another.

"Jesus, Johnny, you're pale as a ghost." Kelly stopped the car, which was probably a good thing since I was fumbling for the door handle. Two seconds more and I was throwing up everything from last night's dinner all the way up to the whiskey I'd just drunk.

Roy was holding my shoulders and Kelly was holding my head while I spewed out what felt like the lining of my stomach. There was nothing left to throw although my stomach hadn't gotten the message yet. But slowly the dry heaves stopped and Kelly wiped my face clean with an alcohol wipe from his medical bag.

"Take a tiny sip of this, Johnny." He smiled at my weak head shake. "It's just water from my water bottle. Let's see if it stays down."

I rolled it around in my mouth before gingerly swallowing. My stomach did a little dance but accepted it grudgingly. "Okay, I guess maybe today upset me more than I thought."

"Un-uh and maybe you need to cut back on the jalapeno peppers." Roy ruffled my hair and raised his eyebrows the way he does when one of his kids sasses him.

"Yes, Dad. The way it feels right now, I'm never going to touch one of them again as long as I live." Closing my eyes, I leaned into his hug. "Good thing I waited until I left the living room. Grandmother would have never forgiven me if I'd tossed my cookies on the Persian rug."

Kelly shook his head. "I'm just glad you waited to get out of the car. I don't know if my insurance would cover that kind of accident."

Mike and Roy helped me up and back over to the car. I was settled in the front seat again and they both fussed over me while I swallowed against the sudden nausea. Another sip from Kelly's water bottle and everything seemed willing to stay in place. It seemed like time slowed and it took forever to get everybody back in the car. Kelly drove quickly but smoothly back to the hotel.

Roy and Captain Stanley walked me to the elevator while Mike and Kelly had a private talk out by the car. I was looking forward to lying down and staying prone for a couple of hours. Looking back curiously, I saw Mike nod and take a brown paper bag from Kelly before waving goodbye to me. Then my private doctor strode across the lobby, his face caught between a frown and a smile.

It had been a hell of a day. But looking at the friends surrounding me, I felt blessed. Tomorrow I'd listen to a will and head for home. If I was coming down with the flu, I wanted to be in my own bed. Closing my eyes, I leaned against Roy's shoulder and willed my stomach to stay in place.

One hell of a day.

************************   
Roy POV  
Part seven   
************************

I took Kelly's high sign to mean that something was wrong . . . big time wrong. As if I didn't know already. Johnny isn't prone to throwing up with that cast iron stomach of his. And he hadn't eaten anything that the rest of us hadn't so he had to have been given something when he left us to go with his uncle.

Anger is something I don't feel very often. But anyone who hurts a child can get me mad faster than anything and it looked to me as if my friend had been abused for most of his childhood. Right now I had some pretty harsh feelings towards the people I'd just seen.

At the moment, I didn't trust any of his family. Something Johnny had said really pointed up the differences between this funeral and one from my family. There weren't any children anywhere in the house and that was spooky. It was like looking at an old photograph in a scrapbook and knowing that everyone in the shot was dead. This funeral had left ghosts behind but they were still wearing flesh and blood.

Hang the expense! I was going to talk to Joanna tonight. Even if it was only to say 'hi, I love you'. Thank God we came with Johnny. He didn't have enough old friends like Mike Sawyer. These barracudas would have eaten him alive. Or he'd have been alone when this 'flu' hit.

I held him a little closer and matched his own shiver. Watching him struggle to quit throwing up and breathe at the same time had been scary even for an old pro paramedic like me. After giving Mike the samples that he'd taken when Johnny got sick, Kelly rejoined us for the trip up to our rooms. The Captain and I would have to come back down and get our luggage out of the rental car but only after Johnny was safely tucked in bed.

Luckily our suites were side by side with a connecting door between our outer rooms. This was the fanciest hotel I'd been in since my honeymoon. The little shampoo and soap were going right into my suitcase for the kids. I kind of wished I'd been able to bring Joanna with me. She would have loved the pretty colors on the walls and bedspreads. Even the towels were kind of a peach color. I made a mental note to see if they had a brochure with pictures that I could take back to her.

But right now, I was waiting outside Johnny's bathroom to make sure he didn't have another spasm while he showered. He'd headed right there as if he couldn't wait to wash away the day. I'd already turned down the bed and clicked on the bedside table light and now I was just leaning here, listening to the homey sounds and thinking about the day.

From some things Mike had mentioned, I had a much better appreciation of my partner. He really had overcome a lot. I'd always known that his clown mask was just that ... a mask to hide who he really was except for those he trusts. And he doesn't trust very many people but now I knew why. Maybe I'd give my mom a call this weekend just to touch base and see how Dad was doing. I realized that I was lucky to have warm loving parents who supported me.

"It looks nice, Roy. Thanks." Johnny smiled at me and touched my shoulder when he left the bathroom clad only in a towel slung around his hips.

"No thanks necessary. The Captain went down to get our luggage and Kelly is making a call." I watched him cross to the bed and sit as if he still felt the need to hunch over. "You're too pale, Johnny. Go ahead and lie down. Now that you've purged out the bad stuff, you can rest up."

He looked so vulnerable sitting there, his eyes sad and his mouth drooping. "Kelly thinks there's something wrong, doesn't he?"

"Yes, I do." Kelly came in and crossed to the bed so I had a ringside seat for what happened next. "The pharmacy down the block just delivered something that will help with the chills and shakes. Get under the covers and Roy will get you a glass of water."

His hand smoothed back the lock of hair that always falls on Johnny's forehead and I turned into the bathroom at the look in my partner's eyes. He was scared to death but there was a glimmer of hope that made me smile. Taking my time, I let the water run for a while so it was really cold. Maybe I'd make a trip down the hall to the ice machine so we had some in the suite.

When I came out, Johnny was under the covers with Kelly by his side. The doctor was still brushing back the dark hair with a rhythmic stroke that had my partner's eyes at half-mast. So under Kelly's spell was he that he didn't even react when I quietly set the glass down on the table. I expected to hear a purr any moment.

"Thanks, Roy. Swallow these tablets for me, Johnny and then I want you to rest." There was a caressing note in his voice that made me glad I'd already decided that I was okay with what I suspected.

And Johnny swallowed, his eyes never leaving Kelly. I heard a noise in the other room and quietly left them. The Captain had brought up the luggage and I went in to unpack. He asked how Johnny was doing and I gave him an update. He already knew that something wasn't right and we talked for a moment about whether we should stay on or catch a later flight. We decided to wait and see.

After unpacking, I went back into the other suite to find Kelly on the sofa with a drink in his hand. His eyes were far away and I hated to disturb him but I wanted to know what he thought had happened. "Dr. Brackett?"

"It's Kelly, Roy. Please? You already know there's something up. And I have to tell you that I think his uncle or grandmother or both just tried to poison him." His voice was low but no less grim. "Mike said he knew a lab that would do a toxicology spectrum on the samples I scooped up. Stress can cause someone to get a nervous stomach but this was far too strong a reaction. He told me that his grandmother insisted on all three of them drinking a toast to his grandfather's memory."

"What does he think?" I sat down in the chair across from him.

A flash of fury crossed his face but his voice stayed low. "He accepted it like he deserved it because he was always a disappointment to the ... Family. I wish I could go back in time and have a talk with his father. He had a beautiful little boy with a big heart and an intelligent brain that he abandoned to those coldhearted parents who did their best to brutalize him into a family clone."

"He deserves better." I said gently.

"Yes, he does." He fervently agreed.

"He needs someone who respects and loves him wholeheartedly. Who ever that person is will need patience and a lot of tenderness to convince him that he's worthy of being loved." I took my courage in both hands. "Someone like you."

His eyes went blank then warm in a blink. "I wish. I don't know if he would think so. We're friends and I don't want to screw that up. I haven't felt this way since before my wife died and as far as I know, Johnny never has."

"Three quarters of his 'dates' are visits to the library and the other quarter is with blind dates that he dates a couple times before letting them go." I decided honesty was the best policy. "I think he may be afraid to commit to someone because he really does think he's not worth loving. He'd be safe with you and friendship is the best basis for love that I know. Joanna and I have known each other more than half our lives and even if we weren't married, we'd still be friends."

"That describes Rosa and I." He chuckled ruefully and raked a hand through his hair. "I feel like I'm getting permission from his father to ask for Johnny's hand in marriage."

"Sorry, that's something you're going to have to ask Johnny himself. But from an outsider point of view, I can see strong emotions on both sides. Good, honest liking and maybe love from the pair of you. I just realized that he's been feeling this for some time and I never saw it."

"Really? It's such a turbulent time for him and all these old emotions are getting stirred up. I don't want to take advantage of his emotional state." That note of longing told me what I needed to know. "You're his best friend and I wouldn't want to disturb that friendship."

"Nothing says we can't have more than one best friend. Joanna is mine but he's become a brother to me. And speaking of family, he'll try to protect all of us from his birth family and probably from himself. We're going to have to stick close or he'll try to do it alone." I nudged him verbally.

The shy smile told me without words that he understood what I was getting at. I've come to see over the years that family isn't always blood. But it's always a bond of the heart and that's what I could see growing between Johnny and Kelly. Captain Stanley came in at that point and we decided that Kelly would stay with my partner while we went out to walk in the sunshine and explore the downtown plaza shops.

I wanted to get something for Joanna and the Captain was looking for a watercolor brush that he couldn't find in LA. Which is how I found out that in his spare time he was a painter. By the end of the first half-hour, we were on a first name basis. Hank had a dry sense of humor that made me laugh. We wondered around for about three hours but in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about what we could do to protect Johnny. On the river walk, the Captain voiced some of my own concerns.

"Short of providing him with a 24 hour guard, I can see ten different ways that they could get at him."

"Yeah, I know." I felt comfortable enough with him that I decided to tell him what Kelly had told me about the whiskey.

"Damn, I can't see how someone could do that. Johnny is a kind and caring person who's never hurt a soul. He even stays friends with the women he's pretending to date." Hank said with a sigh.

I almost stopped walking and I know part of my mind was yelling 'whoa, he knows'. "Yeah, he has a soft heart under all those layers of protection."

"Don't worry about me, Roy. My Uncle Henry has been living with his 'friend' Tony for over forty years. Hell, I think of him as 'Uncle Tony'." He chuckled and I felt a weight drop off me at that admission.

"They're going to need our support once they decide what they want to do. We've got to get him out of this predicament first. I hope this lawyer doesn't have more bad news for Johnny." We turned into the lobby in time to catch Mike Sawyer on his way up.

There were others on the elevator so we talked about the Plaza and what we'd found shopping. All the way up I could feel my heart sinking at the grim look on Mike's face. Entering our suite, we kept on going straight through the open door into theirs. Johnny's door was closed but I could hear a faint murmur so I tapped on the door and Kelly opened up.

"Mike's here and I don't think he's got good news." I said apologetically.

Johnny was propped up against the pillow-padded headboard. "Why don't you come in here? I need to know."

When Kelly nodded, I beckoned the others in. Hank and I perched on the foot of the bed while Mike sat on the other side so he could hold Johnny's hand. Kelly went back to where he'd been earlier.

"Here's the toxicology report. Is it what I think it is?" He handed over an envelope to Kelly who opened it and read it out loud.

Johnny's eyes closed and the corners of his mouth drooped while Kelly swore softly under his breath. "Yes, Mike, it is. Pure cocaine. Thank God, he threw it up so quickly. The stimulant didn't have a chance to give him a heart attack although that's probably what they had in mind. Your blood pressure is slowly coming back down so I think we're over the worst of it."

"Who was it, Johnny?" Mike spoke softly but with underlying steel.

His eyes were still closed and he shook his head. "Either ... both ... does it matter?"

I bit my tongue at the hopeless tone and watched Mike and Kelly exchange a long look. Kelly was now holding Johnny's other hand. "It matters if you want them punished."

I already knew what my partner was going to say. The head shake was emphatic and the dark eyes pleaded with us to understand. "If I hate them or prosecute them then they've won."

Hank shook his head with a smile. "Then how about hitting them where they live? Find out about the will and stock options. Or whatever the hell this lawyer says he needs to talk to you about. Then do what you want with them."

"You don't eat or drink anything when you're with them." Kelly squeezed the hand in his. "And you have one of us with you at all times."

Mike chimed in. "I talked to Mr. Ralston right before I came here. If you like, he's willing to come here tonight and fill you in on the estate and some of the facts that pertain to the company."

Johnny's gaze was uncertain but when his eyes met mine, I nodded to him. "You need to know what you're facing and this guy seems to be neutral. Facts are important."

"It's been so long since you knew these people, Johnny. Do you even know what Gage Industries does these days?" Hank asked.

"I read the Wall Street Journal and try to keep up. They've gone into aerospace technology and at the moment, they're trying to get a contract with NASA for the space program." He said with a hesitant air.

"Then you need more facts to see why they're trying to get rid of you." Hank said logically.

Kelly and Johnny exchanged a long look then my partner nodded. "Okay. I'll listen to what he has to say."

Mike grinned triumphantly. "All right! I'll call him and set up a time for him to come here. Eight o'clock, okay?"

"Sure. We'll set up the outer room for a conference then we'll make ourselves scarce." I was dying to know what the lawyer had to say but this was hard enough on my partner. I didn't want him to think we were voyeurs.

"No, I'd like you to stay, if you don't mind?"

"Sure, we'll stay. Maybe we can provide some different points for view for you." Hank said easily and I could feel the tension in Johnny begin to subside.

His shoulders relaxed and his eyes went back to half-mast. Kelly was checking his pulse surreptitiously and I wasn't surprised to hear him declare a nap for Johnny. So we cleared out and began talking about what we were going to do about dinner. Mike made his phone call and the meeting was set for eight. He offered to take us out to dinner and bring back something for the two who were staying in.

We all realized that the meeting would chart our course for the next few days. And I was looking forward to helping Johnny bury the past. For good.

********************   
Johnny POV  
Part eight   
***********************

_It was dark. There were no stars or moon to light the room. But I'd been here before._

_Someone was coming._

_Someone bad._

_I made myself small and huddled on the floor in the corner by my bed._

_Maybe they wouldn't come inside this time._

_If I was very quiet and very good, they might pass on by._

_The door quietly began to open_

_I wanted to cry but I knew that would be bad so I didn't._

_The light from the hall was dimmer than usual._

_My heartbeat sounded really loud but I didn't know how to make it be silent._

_Maybe if I could make it stop then I would leave this cold place._

_"John. Where are you? Come here at once."_

_Her voice is always so cold and her shadow is so big._

_"John. Don't make me angrier than I already am. Come here."_

_I shivered all over but I tried. I really did try to stand up._

_Then something loomed over her from behind and with a growl, my bear picked her up and threw her out into the hall._

_I could move then and I flung myself into his arms with a cry. His hug was warm as it always is. "Open your heart, little one."_   
**************************

Kelly's voice murmured soothing words and his arms were strong around me when I awoke with a start, my heart trying to race out of my chest. One hand stroked my neck while the other rubbed small circles on my back. My head was buried in the hollow of his neck and shoulder. I'd never felt so safe before. Or loved.

"You're safe now. Leave the dream behind. She can't hurt you ever again. I've got you." He rocked me tenderly and I felt his concern wash through me like a healing draft of pure love. "I've got you and I'm not letting go."

"Promise?" My hands gripped his arms.

"I promise, Johnny. Are you sure you want to take a chance on a workaholic doctor who sometimes works eighteen hour shifts and can't leave off thinking about his patients all too often?" His touch seemed to change from soothing to caressing.

I was scared out of my mind but this was a good kind of scared. A feeling that I'd never felt before bloomed inside of me and sent tendrils out from my heart. "Are ... are you sure you want to take a chance on a battle scarred paramedic with one or two really nasty enemies?"

His fingers urged my head up so he could look me in the eye. "I can't think of anyone I could possibly love more than I love you."

My eyes must have been as big as headlights at his use of the 'l' word. I'd never said it before to anyone and I wasn't sure I could say it back. But something in my gaze must have told him I couldn't speak right now because he smiled, leaned in close and kissed me.

His lips were soft and warm, scattering kisses over my face from forehead to chin. I could feel tears leaking out of my tightly shut eyes but he kissed them away before returning to my lips with a gentle nudge that reminded me that I had permission to kiss him back. Parting my lips, I invited him inside and the comforting kiss turned heated. It was still under control but the feel of his tongue against mine sent little electric pulses straight into my blood stream.

It was better than anything I'd ever felt before and I was trembling when he gently pulled far enough away so he could see my eyes. His gaze was tender and I wondered what he saw when he looked at me.

"I see a strong man ... a loving man ... someone I want to share my life with." He read my mind.

"Are you sure, Kelly? Some of these scars run deep and I don't know if I can love you like you deserve." It hurt but I had to warn him.

"You hid your wounds well, Johnny but now we can bring them out into the sunlight and drain them of all the pain and despair. If you let me, I think that together we can heal those old hurts." He smoothed back the lock of hair that always fell and I gave into the urge to nudge his palm like the cat that Roy accuses me of being.

"I want that, Kelly. More than you can ever know but I don't know if I trust myself not to screw up." I wanted to smile at him but it seemed I wasn't done worrying yet.

"Then trust my judgment for the moment, Johnny. Trust that you can win through this nightmare. I promise to support you no matter what happens." He smiled whimsically and shook his head. "I'm a lousy knight and my armor is a bit dented in places but I promise to guard your back while you fight your dragons."

That sounded better than good. "Yes, please. What do we tell the others?"

He blushed and cleared his throat. "Well, actually ... um, Roy already asked my intentions. I think he knew before we did."

Chuckling, I shook my head and finally managed a real smile. "You're probably right. He's the brother I always wanted. His marriage with Joanna showed me what was possible when you love each other. I didn't think it would ever happen for me."

"You are worthy of love and I plan to keep telling you that until you believe me." He cupped my cheek and leaned in to kiss me again. I swear my toes curled while my blood pressure shot way up. This wasn't a gentle kiss but a promise kiss, a promise for later.

I leaned into him and gave my precious control into his hands. And I regretted nothing.

******************

Kelly ordered dinner in and told me the guys had gone out for Chinese. I had soup and crackers while watching him eat a steak with mixed vegetables and a baked potato. The best part was when he fed me some of the cauliflower from his fork. That seemed like such an erotic thing to do that it made me blush and drop my eyes.

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. It was a weird mixture of steak and chicken plus a little butter from the potatoes but mostly it was just us. I never knew a kiss could be as comforting as chicken noodle soup but this one was. A noise from the outer room pulled us apart and I could see my disappointed look mirrored on his face.

"Later, Johnny." He whispered to me before going to the door to let them in.

They had a dozen funny stories to tell me about the little Chinese restaurant and its customers. I finished my soup and ate one of the steamed pot stickers that Roy had brought back for me. I love them, as he well knows so he was expecting my moan of appreciation but by the look on Kelly's face he hadn't been.

I could see a promise of later in his heated gaze and had to drop my eyes before I had to blush again. Roy touched my hand and shot a sideways look towards Kelly then back again in an obvious question. And I couldn't help it - I flushed what felt like bright red. Roy's delighted grin told me that at least he was on our side and that made me feel a whole lot better, more settled into this strange new world that I'd slipped into.

It was seven thirty and Kelly shooed everyone out so I could get dressed for the eight o'clock meeting. Closing the door behind them, he turned and watched me throw back the covers. I'd forgotten that all I was wearing was a sheet and I hesitated. But he crossed to my side immediately and knelt by the bed, his hands covering mine.

"Shall I tell you how very hard it was that night to undress you and close the shower door with you on the other side? Or how much I wanted to soap your entire body from head to toe? Or dry you very slowly before crawling into bed with you?" His soft words painted brilliant pictures in my mind.

"I would have liked that, Kelly." I ran a single finger down his cheek and across those soft lips. His tongue came out and flicked it as it went by. My stomach did a flip-flop but it was a buoyant feeling rather than a sinking one. "Are you going to help me dress?"

He sighed and pouted. "I'd rather undress you but I'm not letting any of them see your beautiful body so I guess I'll have to let you put on some protective layers."

I laughed out loud and he rose, pulling me out of bed and onto my feet. Our fourth kiss was a little more heated but eventually he let me go so I could dress. I'd never had a helper before but he made putting on my clothes almost as much of a turn-on as taking them off. Every little button had to be just buttoned just right and he made it a game that had me laughing twice more.

Part of me hadn't thought I'd ever laugh again. The realization that my family wanted me dead and was prepared to help the process had been like the final nail in the coffin. The only reason I hadn't was standing in front of me, concentrating on my cuff button. He was my shield and my support.

"Thank you, Kelly." I leaned in and kissed him for the first time. Sure it was our fifth kiss but I moved first this time and he seemed to like it. His arms were strong and we generated enough heat between us to warm the entire room, maybe the whole suite.

The knock on the door broke the kiss and he rested his forehead against mine for a moment before hugging me hard and calling out. "Coming."

"Not yet, but we will be." I whispered and watched him grin.

So, that's the picture I took with me to light my way into the outer room and this unknown lawyer who seemed to have part of my future in his hands. I was as fortified as I could get and the tall old man with the smiling face who greeted me didn't seem quite as scary as I'd feared he'd be.

"Mr. Gage, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Mike swore you existed but I hadn't seen any proof of that for some time." His handshake was firm and the calluses on his hand told me that he did something more physical than write law briefs.

"I'm sorry about that. It never occurred to me that I meant anything to the Gage estate."

He nodded and shook hands with Kelly before sitting down and opening his briefcase. "You were so young when you left that you never had a chance to look at the family documents. Your Great-great grandfather, Thaddeus Gage was the founder of the Gage Company now known as Gage Industries. His improvements to the combustion engine established the company as the foremost engineering firm in the country. He was disappointed in his sons, William and Thomas but their children appeared to be more suited to industry so he left his estate and more importantly, the Company entailed to succeeding generations."

"What does that mean?" I asked, wondering why I didn't know any of this.

"This specific entail means that the company can not be sold without 100% approval from all heirs. And the heirs are any male issue descending in a direct line from Thaddeus. William's son was your grandfather Albert while John was Thomas' only child. Unfortunately John died young without children, leaving Albert as the soul beneficiary. Geoffrey as his oldest son and your father, Edward came next and upon Albert's death, the estate passes now to Geoffrey, his son Wendell and you as your father's only heir."

I was pretty sure that my face had a really stupid expression on it. A third of the estate belonged to me? "No way. That just can't be. Why not Geoffrey since he's the last one of his generation?"

He smiled genially. "That's why we have lawyers, John. To explain the oddities of the law. Thaddeus left the estate in equal shares to each male heir and that has continued down the years. My predecessor must have enjoyed writing these documents because there are literally no loopholes in it. Albert had already graduated from Harvard and John from Yale. Thaddeus specified that no matter the generational difference, each male heir was equal. If they'd had eight boys a piece, there would have been that many shares."

"It sounds like a recipe for disaster." Kelly said grimly and I realized what he was thinking. "So the company and estate moneys couldn't be left by Albert at his death, they'd already passed to Johnny, Geoffrey and Wendell?"

"Essentially correct. All heirs must reach their 30th birthday before inheriting and I understand that John will be 30 next month. Wendell has already had his birthday so the shares stand at 33 and 1/3 percent to each or will when John turns 30." 

Shit! The attempt to kill me suddenly made perfect sense. I'd always known that Uncle Geoffrey was ambitious and he was the apple of Grandmother's eye so either or both of them had a really strong motive for killing me before I turned 30. Except ...

"Wait a second, if I die before or after I turn 30, it wouldn't make any difference so long as I didn't have a son to follow me. The shares would go back to the estate in either case."

Mr. Ralston looked a little bewildered at my statement but I could see light dawning on the others faces.

"So there must be a reason why they want you gone now." Kelly said grimly. "Mike, you mentioned a buyout or merger?"

"Rumor in the business community has it that a merger is planned between Global Economy and Gage. Further rumor has it that the head of Gage will become the President of Global Gage Industries. Which means Geoffrey."

White-hot anger flooded me. I could taste it like a metallic tang in the back of my throat. "And Global is the company that raped 50,000 acres of Brazilian rain forest and never blinked an eye. They knew that I wouldn't vote for anything to do with them. I see why you said you thought I could make a difference."

"Excuse me," Mr. Ralston divided his look between us. "Is there something I should know?"

I looked at Kelly and he gestured with open hands. It was up to me and I was of two minds about letting this cat out of the bag. We really had no proof except for the toxicology report but I couldn't just let it go either. So, I nodded to him and he told Mr. Ralston about the drink laced with cocaine. The older man listened intently and asked a few questions before sitting back with a sigh.

"I can't say I am completely surprised. I don't like breaking open old scabs but your father Edward investigated his wife's accident most diligently. I had just come into my father's law firm and as the youngest member was given the duty of working with him. He had the car pulled apart and put back together piece by piece. But there was never enough proof as to why the brakes failed while your mother was driving. It's a miracle you survived the crash, John. You did so because she fought with every ounce of her strength to keep the car on the road as long as she could. To the day he died, Edward believed that someone had filed through the break line with the intention of killing both you and the unborn child she was carrying."

All I could think was -- I could have had a brother or sister. Part of me had gone numb while another part just nodded sadly and accepted every word. Oh, mama, did you know how much they hated you?

"Does he have to be there when Albert's will is read?" Kelly's voice brought me partially out of the well of my despair.

"I'm afraid so. The formal reading must take place in front of all the heirs. And there is something there for John over and above the company estate." He watched me with kind eyes and I nodded, still unable to speak. "In fact, I brought part of it with me. He gave me this sealed letter about five years ago. He told me that you'd just joined the LA County Fire Department and he was proud of your achievement. But because of your estrangement, he couldn't tell you himself. 'This shall speak for me,' he said and handed me this envelope. 'Give it to him when I'm dead and buried.'"

The long ivory colored envelope had my name on it in Grandfather's distinctive handwriting. Funny, I never thought I'd see that writing again. I took it with a tremor that even the Captain could see. I needed a hug so badly at that moment but I had to be content with Kelly's hand on my arm.

"Are there any objections to Johnny having someone with him?" He asked Mr. Ralston.

"I think that would be most appropriate. I know this has been a shock, John but may I say I am very pleased to finally meet you. When you have questions, please feel free to come to me for whatever answers I may have." He stood and the rest of us rose as well.

I shook his hand, still mute and he understood. The good-byes were subdued while everyone tried to think of something to say. But what can you say to someone who's just been told that the attempt today wasn't the first? That your own family was willing to exterminate you for money and power? It was one hell of a conversation stopper.

Finally, Mike came over and hugged me. "Whatever you decide is fine with me. You know that I'll back you completely. And the cabin is yours when you need it to recuperate."

Hugging him back, I felt a little warmth creep back inside me. "Thanks, Mikey. You're a good friend. Is it okay if I bring someone with me?"

He laughed and tweaked my nose. "You bet. I wonder who that might be?"

I tried not to blush when his glance slid to Kelly but my doctor just grinned back at him and I gave up the ghost. It seemed everybody was determined to accept me the way I was. Roy was next and his hug told me that he was upset with the old news but glad about the new.

My friends are the best in the world. Even the Captain clapped me on the shoulder and told me with a grin that time off could be negotiated. Kelly was content with a warm look and a suggestion that it had been a long hard day so maybe we should call it a night. Roy asked the Captain if he wanted to watch the hockey game on cable and the two of them shut the door between the two suites when they left with a 'good night'.

Mike gave me one more hug when he left and a quiet whisper to take the 'good-looking hunk' to bed with me. I blushed deep red while mock-punching his jaw. He'd been there while I was experimenting in college so he'd read me pretty well. But I was blessed by them and while I leaned my back against the door, I watched Kelly turning off lights in the outer room then turn to me.

With outstretched hand he stood in the doorway to my bedroom. "Read your letter tomorrow. Come to bed and let me love you the way you deserve to be loved."

Heaven was there in his inviting posture, his husky voice and those wine-dark eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I love you and maybe I could show you how much?" The slow smile ignited a little flame inside of me, chasing away the bone-deep chill that had taken up residence at the lawyer's memories.

So I crossed the room to his arms and let him hold me up. "I love you, Kelly. Make the pain go away."

"That's what I do best, Johnny. I can see that you are going to be my favorite patient." He hugged me close and walked me into the room, shutting the door behind us. "I plan of giving the words 'open wide and say ah' a whole new meaning."

I started to laugh and when he tumbled me into bed, I realized for the first time that I was free from the unspoken fears that had plagued me since I was a child. I knew the enemy now and the brave knight tickling me into laughter would be there to guard my back against all comers.

Dragons, here I come.

*******************   
End parts 5-8


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters from the dead and Kelly protects Johnny.

Johnny POV  
Part nine   
********************  
The sound of another heartbeat woke me up. The pillow under my cheek was hard, not to mention hairy. For a brief moment I was shocked then it all rushed in. Tilting my head just a little, I could see Kelly's bristly chin. His eyelashes looked really long where they fanned his cheekbone and his dark hair was tousled.

He looked edible.

We hadn't attempted anything too serious the night before, just hands and mouths. He had a sensual mouth that seemed intent on tasting every bit of skin I had. His nipples were really sensitive and my lips wanted to latch on and suckle the way I'd done in my dream of my mother. He tasted so good that I didn't want to stop licking and nibbling.

That had turned him on with a vengeance. Soon we were back to kissing and rocking back and forth with matched groins. After we came rather explosively in each other's hand, he got up and brought back a warm damp washcloth to clean us up. I'd fallen asleep almost immediately when he turned off the light and cuddled me close. I didn't remember any dreams. Maybe reality would be so great that I'd never have to dream again.

Sliding gently from Kelly's arms, I paused when he frowned but he soon settled on his side. Sighing soundlessly, I headed for the bathroom and got ready to face the letter from my grandfather. Washing my face and brushing my teeth helped to ground me. I drank a glass of water, put on a pair of running shorts, took a deep breath and went into the living room to look for the sun.

There was a small balcony and we were on the east side of the hotel so my early dawn sunbeam was waiting for me. Opening the glass doors, I laid down a towel and settled on it with his letter in front of me. I greeted the sun first and took pleasure in the fresh breeze that brought a hint of the sea to me.

Meditating on my love for Kelly and the incredible fact that he loved me in return, I was soon able to open the envelope and pull out the letter.

***   
_My grandson, John,_

_So many times over the last few years I have dialed the phone to call you but I never completed the call. I picked up a pen to write you but always ended by tearing up and burning the sheets of paper. I loved your father with all my heart. I resented your mother for stealing him away from the family. How ironic that is, knowing it was her death that sent him away for good._

_I never knew how like him you were until I saw you struggling to save your mother's letters. I lost you that day as well. No forgiveness is possible for that act of barbarity. If I had just stood up for you that day, perhaps I would be able to walk up to you today and offer my congratulations on your appointment to the LA County Fire Department._

_I was proud of you when the news came that you'd graduated from college, even if it was only the two-year program. There should have been money available to you for your entire degree but I had to be discrete in my dealings with the University. I've watched you from a distance since the day you left this house._

_You will receive this letter after my death. I will finally be at peace. I regret many things in my long life but my greatest mistake was in marrying an ambitious woman. Do not in any fashion accept help from your grandmother. Stay as far away from this family as you can. The entail can't be helped but if you value your life, keep yourself safely in LA._

_The company is not worth your life._

_Marcus Ralston is an honest man and a good friend. He'll explain the legal side of things to you. You're a strong man but a loner just like your father. I have found love a frightening emotion and perhaps you have as well but I'm glad you have good friends like Mike Sawyer. It's safer to be aloof but life is very lonely then. I never meant for my life to become a horror that would take my children and grandchildren from me._

_I am proud of you, John. You're a fighter like your father but your sweetness comes from your mother. I hope they're together now. I don't even know if there's anything waiting on the other side but if there is a hereafter, I hope she was waiting for him. He deserved better than he received from both his mother and me._

_I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.  
Your grandfather,   
Albert N. Gage_

***

Kelly found me crying silently on the balcony. His warm arms slid around me and he rocked me gently until I handed him the letter. It was a little awkward but he wouldn't let me go while he was reading and I clung to him with all my strength. He read it through twice then let it fall to the ground while he kissed me hard.

When we finally had to breathe, he rested his cheek on my hair. "He was a remarkable man, your grandfather. How lonely he must have been and how glad I am that he kept you at arm's length. Otherwise, we would have never met and that she-harpy, your grandmother would have probably done away with you long before your 30th birthday."

I chuckled tearfully and used his t-shirt sleeve to dry my eyes. "I'm a very lucky man. Meeting you and loving you is worth all the pain that came before."

He kissed me again before drawing away and lifting his face to the sun. "I can see that you are a sun worshiper. I'll have to build a sun porch on the back of the house so you have a place to greet the sun."

It took my breath away to find he was thinking so far ahead. Could he really mean what I thought he meant? Did he want us to live together? Be 'out' to our friends and co-workers? That was really scary. And yet ...

"We'll take it one step at a time, Johnny." He read my mind again.

"How do you do that? Answer my questions before I ask them?"

He smiled and stood up, drawing me up with him. "Your face is very expressive, love. I feel like I've been watching you forever. Wanting to make you feel better. Wishing that we could be closer."

I finally smiled back and hugged him tight. "Me too."

Kelly started to laugh. "Oh, you are a silver tongued devil, aren't you?"

Shrugging, I snuggled closer. "I'm more the strong silent type."

"And a stud, don't forget that." He pulled me back into the suite and we were headed for the bedroom when a knock came on the connecting door. "Damn, we were going to have breakfast with the others."

"There will be time for us later, Kelly. I need to soak up some more friendly vibes before the ordeal this morning. Oh, my letter." Breaking free of his hug, I hurried back to the balcony and tenderly picked up my grandfather's heartfelt good-bye.

Kelly opened the door to Roy and they set up plans for breakfast at a House of Pancakes he and the Captain had found the day before. Kelly asked for an hour and Roy winked at me before agreeing. I was back to blushing and wishing I felt more self-assured. I really wasn't used to having a dream come true.

Especially not such an important one.

But Kelly was drawing me towards the bathroom, his blue eyes locked on mine with single-minded intensity. It was scary yet freeing at the same time. It didn't take long to undress each other since we weren't wearing that much. The shower/tub was small but that was all to the good because I wanted to touch every inch of him.

He had silky curls all over his chest that arrowed down to his groin. With soapy hands, I twined the hairs around my fingers while tweaking his nipples. His breath caught and when I looked up, his blue eyes had turned almost black. Then his lips were taking mine in a searing kiss that blew away all my thoughts and left me panting.

"You taste like sunshine and tears." The husky voice seemed deeper than ever. "Someday, I'm going to lay you down and taste every square inch of skin."

"Yes." I was back to monosyllables.

He chuckled and went back to kissing my eyebrows. I got hold of my higher intelligence, which was pretty low at the moment, because I had a mission. Turning him a little, I got the shower spray where I needed it to rinse him off. Then before he realized what I had in mind, I was sliding down his body to my knees.

He was beautiful here. Not as long as some but of a pleasing thickness that promised more pleasure in my future. Water beaded on the flaring crown and I licked it off while he groaned and leaned back against the tiled wall. "Johnny."

I grinned and mouthed gently down the underside, following the long vein to the curly hair around the root, then back up again. This time he'd pulsed out a single bead of clear liquid and I licked it off, savoring the slightly bitter fluid. His hands were in my hair and I took him in about a quarter of the way, swirling my tongue around the crown and sucking slightly.

Even that was enough to make him jerk and shudder. I remembered what he'd said about not liking casual sex and I wondered if this was the first time since his wife died that he'd had sex with anything other than his own hand. My hands gentled further, one of them stroking the base while the other tenderly cupped the hanging sac. This time the shiver raced over his whole body and he moaned softly.

"Johnny." He was leaning back against the wall and I could tell his knees were locked to keep him upright. It wasn't fair to tease him although I wanted nothing more than to suck on him forever.

So, I took him in further and fluttered my tongue. The sac in my hand quivered and I could feel his balls draw up. Relaxing the throat muscles took another second and I took him all the way in. He shuddered again but held back. If I could have grinned, I would have but I just swallowed around him instead. My name sounded strangled but the pulses of hot fluid hitting the back of my throat rewarded my effort.

I pulled back enough to really taste him, each pull giving me more of the blood hot liquid. He tasted wonderful and I sucked him dry. Looking up, I found him smiling down at me with tears in his eyes. But before I could jump to the wrong conclusion, he shook his head.

"It's been a long time, Johnny, a very long time indeed. And that was ..." he shook his head and pulled me up into his arms. "I don't have words to describe how good it felt to finally make love again after all these years."

I smiled against his shoulder. I'd been right. "You taste good, Kelly."

He kissed me while he moved us back under the shower, his tongue scouring my mouth. When he pulled away, the gleam in his eye was the only warning I got before he went down on me. His mouth was hot and wet around my circumcised length. Steel had nothing on me after listening to his moans and feeling him shake around me. His tongue fluttered against the small slit and I pulsed out a drop or two.

But when one of those healing hands of his cupped my sac and rolled the twin globes like a pair of dice, I couldn't hold on any longer. It had been weeks since I last pleasured myself and to know that it was Kelly loving me made me explode like a bomb. The wall was the only thing holding me up while he drank me down like his morning coffee.

I was limp in more ways than one when he slid back up and turned off the cooling water. "You taste good too, Johnny. Let's get out of here before we have one of those bathroom accidents they're so fond of quoting in the Rampart Hospital Quarterly."

We dried each other off slowly. I still couldn't believe that this was happening, that he could possibly love me. But he seemed to read my mind again, chuckling and hugging me close. "I've been waiting for you, Johnny. And now," he smiled ruefully. "Now that I know what you sound and taste like, I'm not giving you up. I'll try not to smother you."

I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder. "I've been alone all my life, Kel. It's kind of scary to think about letting you in. You might not like what you find inside of me."

He rocked me tenderly, his hands gentle on my back. "We've all got sore places inside but sometimes we hold onto an old fear. Together, I think we can let go of the fears and hold onto each other instead."

I looked up to gaze into his eyes and all I saw there was love. "Okay."

Kelly laughed out loud and guided me into the outer room. "You have such a way with words, my friend. Now, go get dressed before I pounce on you and shock Roy."

Staring into the closet where I'd hung up my clothes, I debated whether to go with the silk suit I'd worn to the funeral or the more casual set I'd packed to fly home in. The casual set had a black leather vest with a beaded design of an eagle on the back that my Aunt Rosalita had embroidered for me. Somehow that seemed entirely appropriate for the reading of the will. I wore it over a dark green shirt tucked into black jeans. I hung the leather pouch that held the sacred symbols of the Apache around my neck but tucked it inside the shirt.

I would eventually share them with Kelly but only with him.

When I walked back into the common room, Kelly whistled at me and I could feel a flush from my neck all the way up to the top of my head. "Johnny, you're an incitement to riot. Are you sure you can sit down in those pants?"

"Haven't had a problem so far." I liked the dark navy blue suit he was wearing because the shirt was the same deep blue as his eyes.

"But you might need help getting them off?" He asked hopefully.

Walking over to him, I hugged him gently. "I'll take all the help I can get."

He hugged me back hard. "I will be there for you no matter what. Remember, we're together and we're going to stay that way. We can take turns leaning."

I had a lump in my throat that made it hard to talk so a whisper was all I had. "I love you."

His arms tightened even more at the same moment the guys knocked on the connecting door. Kelly chuckled and pulled back just enough to kiss me gently before letting go and opening the door. I took a deep breath and licked my lips to try and hold onto that lovely Kelly-taste.

Heading out for breakfast, I soaked up the friendship vibes that would get me through the morning and the decisions to come. I touched my shirt pocket where I'd placed my Grandfather's letter. His belief in me would be my secret weapon but Kelly's love would be my shield against any slings and arrows waiting for me.

With Kelly's hand on my back, I was prepared to face them all.

*********************   
Johnny POV  
Part ten   
********************

With breakfast over, we drove out to the Gage estate, all four of us. Roy and the Captain told me in no uncertain words that they were there for backup. Just knowing they wanted to do that made me feel invincible. That lasted right up until I stepped out onto the circle drive and felt the cloud of evil surrounding the mansion.

It dimmed the sunlight and turned the white paint to gray.

I realized that it had always been there but I'd been too young and close to see it for what it was. Kelly was a warm presence at my shoulder and I took a deep breath before walking up to the front door. Atkins, the butler I remembered from childhood, opened the door for us and bowed his head to me when I asked for Mr. Ralston.

"He's in the living room, Mr. John. Everyone else has also arrived." He shut the door behind us and led the way to the room where my family waited.

Grandmother sat in the chair nearest the fireplace. The other five lesser relatives were scattered around the room but my uncle and his family sat nearest her. One of the club chairs was left empty but there was no way I was letting them choose where I sat. Nodding to them, I asked Kelly under my breath to get two of the dining room chairs in.

"This is for family only, John. Your ... friend will have to wait outside." Uncle Geoffrey tried to intimidate from a seated position on the sofa with his wife and son.

"Dr. Brackett is my physician." I answered him without answering him and smiled at Grandmother. If this was a duel, it was between her and me. She'd always done my uncle's thinking for him and I realized that whatever he might be, he was only a tool. She was the manipulator behind the scenes, the puppet master who pulled the strings.

Mr. Ralston stood at the other end of the room and he crossed to shake my hand as if we were meeting for the first time. "There is no problem, Mr. Gage. I hope there is nothing seriously wrong?"

"Nothing that a careful diet and healthy exercise can't put right." I thanked Kelly with my eyes and sat down beside him.

"If you find no problem, Mr. Ralston then I suggest we begin." Grandmother's voice had dropped below zero and was headed for sub-arctic regions. Funny, but it no longer frightened me. Maybe I really was growing up.

It helped that Kelly's warmth was only a hands-breath away.

"Very well. I have here Alfred Gage's last will and testament. It is dated 18 October 1972. It has been in the safe at my office without change since that date. The witnesses were Dale Frommer, an attorney with our firm and Senator Jonathan Pribble of California District 37." He spoke slowly and deliberately, using a silver letter opener to slice open the long legal envelope. "It is a rather short document for the size of the estate but the company and property are a part of the entail. This will dictates his wishes in concern with his personal property."

I listened while he steadily read all the legal gobble-de-gook. I watched the faces around me with interest, wondering which of them were part of Grandmother's ambition and which were unknowing dupes. Part of me was completely detached and unconcerned with these proceedings. Another part of my brain was tensed for an attack that could come at any moment. Now that I knew the enemy, I felt as if I'd awakened from a long sleep and was truly seeing the world and these people around me.

"To my grandson John, I leave the El Vado lake property that I purchased in 1964 from the Jicarilla Indians in Northern New Mexico. The title has been in your name since that time. To help develop the land, I have placed $100,000 in your name to be used as you choose. Mr. Ralston or his representative will acquaint you with the details. I hope you will forgive an old man his prejudices and accept a piece of the land of your mother's people."

I stopped listening at that point, my mind going instantly to the northwest corner of the state and the only lake on the Jicarilla Apache reservation. I'd lived there for almost two years with my mother's father until his death from radiation poisoning. It was the place that was my first refuge and I still dreamed of it sometimes. To know that grandfather had bought that for me, way back then when I had run away, was a revelation.

Would Kelly like it up there? Would we have time soon to go and explore? I risked a look at him and his slow smile reassured me. There would be time. I looked about the room and realized that I was finally free of this poisonous atmosphere and that was perhaps the greatest gift that Grandfather could have given me.

With his death and the acknowledgment of his concern for me in his letter, I felt as if he'd given me back something of my childhood. I even understood my father a little better. He had never been able to let go of my mother's death and there was no room for me in his grief. Single-minded loving appeared to be a genetic trait passed down from father to son and finally to me.

And loving Kelly and making him happy was going to be my goal from now on.

"Well, John, it appears that Alfred decided to indulge your Indian side." To anyone who didn't know her, Grandmother probably would appear most gracious. But to those of us who knew her, to call her furious would be a gross understatement.

"Yes, he said in his last letter that he'd come to an appreciation of my heritage." I smiled at her sweetly. So it was his only letter to me, she didn't have to know that. "Our last chat in the hospital was a ... revelation." I judged her fury by the whiteness of her lips. "Mr. Ralston, when would be a good time to come to your office?"

"No time like the present, Mr. Gage. I've been maintaining the files myself since Alfred bought the land. You may be interested in some of the correspondence we had with the local tribe and the National Forest Service about some of the right-of-ways." He pulled out a planner and took a look at his schedule. "I know you're not from around here and probably need to get back to work. Would two o'clock this afternoon be all right?"

I stood and nodded. "Yes, thank you, that will be fine. I'll need to make an appointment for the 12th of May as well. Since I turn 30 then, I understand there will be more papers to sign for my shares of the property."

He stood as well and from the corner of my eye, I watched Uncle Geoffrey turn apoplectic red while I shook hands. Kelly was watching my grandmother so I didn't have to and I suddenly had the urge to leave. Immediately. I'd pushed them as far as I dared right now and I needed time to come to terms with my new inheritance.

"Well, Grandmother, thank you for your hospitality. Good-bye." I nodded at her and nudged Kelly around the sofa where the others sat like statues.

"Good-bye, John. I look ... forward to our next meeting." Each word was frozen solid but the hell-fire in her eyes would have melted a glacier.

I wasn't done with her, not by a long shot. But for the moment, I had some breathing room and I took it. Kelly and I walked quickly out the front door, not waiting for Atkins to open it for us. The guys were leaning against the rental but they snapped to attention as soon as we showed up.

"Let's get out of here, right now." I slid in the front and barely had the seat belt fastened when Kelly threw her into gear and we took off. Only after we passed through the front gate did I take a deep breath and let it out.

"That is not something I want to do again anytime soon. Whew!" Kelly was doing his own deep breathing. "If there hadn't been witnesses, I think she would have come across the coffee table at you, Johnny. I hate to say it but your grandmother is seriously disturbed."

"Grandfather called her ambitious." I closed my eyes and rested my head against the headrest. "She really was surprised at the land and money."

"What land and money?" Roy sat forward and leaned over the back seat.

So I told the captain and my partner of my unexpected legacy. They were excited for me and I described that part of New Mexico to them. Back at the hotel, I told them that I thought they should leave as scheduled on the 12:30 flight. My palms were itching and when Roy mentioned the handyman who'd stopped to talk with them, I felt a cold chill race up my spine.

"Did he have black hair and a scar at his right temple? About six foot with broad shoulders?" I asked them urgently.

"Yeah, that's him. What's wrong?" Roy asked.

"His name is Ruchs." I answered them absentmindedly while I tried to think what to do. "When I was younger, Grandmother would have him hold me down while she whipped me. It was supposed to be more humiliating, being beaten in front of a servant."

"What?" Kelly's roar brought me back to the room and his furious expression. "Is that why you have those faint ridges on your back?"

They all had expressions ranging from shock to horror. "Grandmother called it discipline and it was good training for the Academy. Kelly, it was a long time ago and the scars don't hurt anymore. But Ruchs is what we need to think about now. He takes her orders and he is well-versed in putting things together and taking them apart. You guys didn't leave the car for any reason, did you?"

Roy shook his head. "He invited us to the kitchen for coffee but Hank and I didn't want to eat or drink anything."

"The brakes." It wasn't a question from my angry lover.

"Or the steering ... or a dozen other things. You guys need to catch your flight." I quelled their objections with an upraised hand. "Kelly and I will watch each other's back but if you leave, she has two less targets. Please?"

They grumbled but went in to hastily pack. The moment they were gone, I was in Kelly's arms. "Tighter. Hold me so tight, she can't get to me."

"Always." His hug was fierce but he stroked the back of my neck tenderly. "We've got her off balance and it will take her time to plan something. I'm going to change our tickets to tonight. There's a six o'clock flight to LA and we can still check out now from the hotel. We'll just take our bags to Ralston's office and leave from there."

"Better yet, we turn in the rental car when you drop Roy and the Captain off at the airport and take a taxi to the office. He'd probably be willing to have one of the junior partners drive us back to the airport." I inhaled deeply and filled my lungs with his scent. He always smelled of soap and water. And sometimes of baby powder.

I never thought I'd get turned on by that scent but right now I was hardening nicely. He noticed immediately and chuckled against my hair. "I've got an even better idea. Instead of flying home, why don't we take the train? I'll bet Mr. Ralston would let us use the phone in his office to make reservations."

"We could get a sleeper." I said hopefully and watched his eyes go sultry.

"We could although you won't be getting any sleep."

White-hot passion washed through me and I nodded, unable to speak.

How did I get so lucky?

"A-hem! We're packed and ready to go." Roy's amused voice broke us apart.

"Kelly is going to take you to the airport and turn in the rental car while I pack up and get us checked out of the hotel." I forestalled his objection with a finger to his lips. He promptly licked, almost derailing my train of thought. "They're still off balance and I'll take a cab to Mr. Ralston's office. Hurry back."

Roy hugged me hard and I shook hands with Captain Stanley. He told me gruffly to take care of myself and not to worry about work. They'd cover for me until I could get back. I sent them off with a sigh of relief. There were some things I needed to do without their knowledge. But first I packed our bags and headed down to check us all out of the hotel. I put them on my credit card so it would look like I'd brought them down with me.

If I could have erased their names, I would but with only a little checking Grandmother would have them all. Then I headed for the university campus six blocks away. The student union was just as I remembered it from my visits to Mike and I headed for the phone banks at the back of the first floor for some privacy.

Lunch time had always left this place empty. First I called the railroad and got a reservation for two on the five o'clock train to LA. It was the slow one that stopped at least ten times. I really wanted some time with a captive Kelly. Then, smiling I dialed a number I'd memorized eight years ago.

"Your dime." The whiskey rasp was just as I remembered.

"Hi, Ace. It's Johnny."

"Hey, kid, sorry about your grandfather. What's wrong?"

I smiled into the phone. He never changed and he was still keeping an eye on me. "Thanks, Ace. It's because he's dead that I've got trouble. Right now, I need protection for some innocents that may be in the line of fire."

"You got it."

"My partner Roy DeSoto, his wife Joanna, five year old son, David and three year old daughter, Cathy. I'm afraid they could be used as hostages to get to me."

"Damn, who'd be stupid enough to go for kids?"

I closed my eyes and rested against the wall. "My grandmother doesn't think much of inferiors and I'm squarely in the way of an inheritance she wants for my Uncle Geoffrey. She tried to kill me with a cocaine laced drink yesterday."

"Shit! Where are you right now, I can get somebody there within the hour."

"I'm over at the Berkeley campus but I'm headed for my lawyer's office. Marcus Ralston is his name and as far as I can see, he's honest." I took a deep breath before continuing. "Then I'll be with Dr. Kelly Brackett. We've got a reservation on Amtrack at 5:00."

"Hot damn, kid! Is he the one?"

I smiled mistily. "Yeah, Ace, he's the one."

"Tell him he'd better be good to you or he'll answer to me."

"You'll like him. He's a bigger mother hen then you are."

"Hah! He'll need to be fast on his feet to keep up with you."

"He's everything and more, Ace. I want a long future with him."

"You'll have it, Johnny. I'll meet the train at Bakersfield and bring you the rest of the way in. We can make some plans then."

"Thanks, Ace. I'll see you soon."

"Stay safe, kid."

I hung up feeling like a great weight had just been lifted. Ace Chandler was one of those friends that was just there whenever you needed him. And he had fingers in a lot of pies with contacts that went from legal eagles to shadow walking guys who you didn't want to meet in a dark alley.

Picking up the bags, I went out to catch a cab. It was almost one o'clock and I didn't want Kelly to worry about where I was. If I was lucky, I could pick up a sandwich near the law firm. The taxi drove me straight to the four-story brick building at the edge of an office park with pushcart venders plying a brisk trade on the sunny afternoon. I got a tuna sandwich with a bottle of cranberry juice then thought about Kelly and whether he'd have time to eat.

I knew he'd be fretting every moment that we were apart and probably wouldn't take the time. I was feeling some of those urges to be with him myself so I doubled the order and juggled the brown paper bag with the suitcases I was still carrying. Hopefully, Mr. Ralston wouldn't mind me eating and writing at the same time.

Striding inside, I pushed the elevator button for the fourth floor, which according to the sign belonged to Ralston, Ralston, Webber and Klein, attorneys at law. I wondered which Ralston he was, the first or the second. But once I got to the restful lobby of blues and greens, my question was answered for me.

"Mr. Gage, how nice to meet you." The dark haired man who greeted me looked like a younger edition of the elder Ralston. "I'm Peter Ralston. We can shake hands later, let me get one of those bags you're juggling. If you'll follow me, we can park them in my office and then you can join me in the conference room for lunch."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Is Dr. Brackett here yet?" I relinquished my suitcase and finally got a good grip on my lunch bag.

"No, but Jodie has him on her list and Dad described him for her so she'll bring him down as soon as he arrives." He gestured at the smiling blonde receptionist and I smiled a thank you before following Peter down to his office.

Dropping off the suitcases, I followed Peter down the quiet hall to the last door on the left. The room was lined with bookcases of light oak, filled with row after row of burgundy and blue leather bindings. The table and chairs echoed them in early Mission style. It made the room look stylishly old but comfortable. The blues and greens from the front were here as well but in darker hues that rested the eyes.

"Please sit down and get comfortable, Mr. Gage. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to finally meet you. Mike has told me a lot of stories about growing up with you." Peter's blue eyes were friendly and I relaxed completely when he said Mike's name. "We've got some lunch set up since I know Dad isn't eating out at the Gage Estate. You can add your bag to our mini-buffet if you like."

"Call me Johnny, please. I think Mike mentioned that his roommate his third year was named Peter." I sat the sack down on the place mat by the bowls and platters of food. "And this looks great. I wasn't sure if we'd have time to eat."

He laughed and nodded. "Yes, we roomed our last two years before I went on to Harvard and he headed for the Oceanography Institute. And please call me Peter. Mr. Ralston is my father and whenever somebody calls me that, I find myself looking over my shoulder for Dad. Let's sit down and start eating. It may be a while before the other two show."

I nodded, a little worried at Kelly's absence but before we could start dishing up, Jodie brought him in. We both relaxed when we finally came together on one side of the long table. Introductions were made and we'd all set down with salad and fresh fruit when the elder Ralston appeared. He sat down across from us next to his son with a bit of a sigh.

Peter eyed him sharply but kept on with the job of filling our glasses with iced tea. It was sun tea with thick wedges of lemon and I gratefully put the juice bottles aside for later. Once the initial pangs of hunger were assuaged, Peter asked the question we'd all been thinking.

"How did it go, Dad?"

"Interesting. John, your legacy was much talked about. I don't think Mrs. Gage quite believed it until she'd read it herself. Geoffrey kept asking about your correspondence with his father and Wendell wanted to know if you'd coerced him into the legacy."

"Wendell is an idiot." Peter snorted derisively. "Personal opinion only."

I knew I liked him. Kelly just nodded and kept eating.

"Is there anything they can do about it?" I asked quietly.

"No, it's been in your name since 1964 although Alfred paid the taxes every year and part of the trust fund is for that purpose. If you develop it, the taxes will change but at the moment, they are minimal."

"How much land did he buy?" I wondered at the tribe selling to a white man.

"70,000 acres with a 1000 foot lake front on one side."

I could only stare at him, my fork suspended in front of my open mouth. That was unexpected to say the least. Kelly nudged me gently and his eyes told me that we'd talk later. I was the luckiest man in the world. Even if my family was trying to kill me.

We'd beat them yet.

***********************   
Johnny POV  
Part eleven   
**************************

We ate as we talked about my legacy. Peter Ralston had a dry sense of humor that tickled Kelly's funny bone. The elder Ralston and I were kept laughing while we demolished every bit of food on the table. The information on the Gage Trust was fascinating. Thaddeus Gage was a bit of a martinet and a firm believer in the work ethic. His sons were a big disappointment to him and he didn't mince his words.

I wondered what he would think of the current crop of Gages. There was nothing in the papers about his wife and I wondered about her. Had she been a meek woman given to good works and her family? Or had she been a virago with a domineering bent that convinced Thaddeus that women could not be trusted with business? There wasn't anyone I could ask either.

Then again, when I thought about Grandmother, I wondered if there was a third possibility. I pushed thoughts of her aside and concentrated on this surprising inheritance. Mr. Ralston had made copies of all the relevant documents and he gave them to me to study later. But it was the property that Grandfather had bought for me that really held my attention. The title deeds dated back to 1692 and Diego de Vargas who had reconquered the land that would become New Mexico for Spain.

They went all the way up to the present day and when I saw my maternal grandfather's name on the sale papers, I knew that they had both been looking out for me. But Grandfather Flying Arrow had also been looking out for his people when he had persuaded them to sell the land to a white man for his half-breed grandson. He knew that I would never let the land go or allow it to be taken away from our people. It was both a gift and a responsibility.

But the money from Grandfather Albert was almost as complete a surprise. The original $100,000 had mushroomed into almost $350,000 over the last five years. Mr. Ralston told us proudly that Peter had invested it along with several other trusts and they'd all done extremely well. When I asked him for his strategy, he eagerly ran down the list. All the companies were solid middle of the road firms that made dependable products. I had several Sunbeam appliances in my kitchen and Kelly gave a nod to the John Deere stock because of the riding lawn mower that he and a neighbor had gone halves on.

"What does Solar Tec do?" One of the names caught my eye.

Peter blushed. "It's a startup firm that makes solar panels for off-the-grid living. They don't make a large profit now but they're working on a photo voltaic system in a miniaturized state that could revolutionize the way we use power."

"That sounds good." I nodded. "Eventually, I'll be living off the land myself and something like that would come in handy. What about this notation on computers?"

"A friend of mine says that one of these days computers are going to be on every desk in America. That is a small company started back in 1975 up in Washington State that looks promising. Two boy geniuses are pooling their talents and working on software. That's what they're calling programs these days. They're only 1% of your portfolio." Peter shrugged with a smile. "We've got to look ahead sometimes and not always play it safe. Look what happened when the telephone was invented or the electric light."

"Ha, I'd like to see somebody make me try to use one of those newfangled things." His father scowled at him. "Next thing you'll be saying is that typewriters are going to be replaced. Bunch of nonsense if you ask me."

"Well, I wouldn't want to see the medical field taken over by technology but there are some new machines that make my life as a doctor easier." Kelly smoothed over the rough patch in the conversation and I watched him win Mr. Ralston back to smiles again. He was so good at that.

No machine could replace his empathy or his almost second sight about what was wrong with a patient. Not to mention his excellent bedside manner. I grinned to myself and snuck a peek at the clock on the wall to see if it was time for us to catch our train. I was looking forward to being alone with him.

Peter caught me and grinned. "Almost train time? I can drive you over when ever you like. You'll like the Coastal Starlight. Dad took Mother and me on it when I was ten and I never forgot how exciting it was to watch the countryside go by. I even got a tour of the engine and the engineer answered all my questions so seriously that I declared that I was going to be just like him some day."

Mr. Ralston chuckled. "You still wanted to when you were fourteen until your Uncle Henry took you flying. Now, you've got your pilot's license instead of an engineering degree."

Kelly laughed and relaxed against the back of the upholstered chair. "I have to admit that I wanted to work the trains myself until just a few months shy of my ninth birthday, I watched my Aunt Priscilla deliver my little brother when Mom went into premature labor. I've never been so scared in my life but Aunt Priscilla just calmly kept me busy bringing her towels and hot water. I got to hold Clancy while she was tying off the umbilical cord and delivering the afterbirth. I was hooked on medicine ever after and I never let Clancy forget that I helped deliver him."

It sounded like he had a big family that was close knit and caring. What would they say about me if they found out about us? Would they think that I'd seduced him, turned him from them? Would they disown him the way mine had disowned me? I caught myself from a major brood with a jerk. I was determined to take this slow. I had him right now and that was all I could hope for.

One day at a time was my motto.

But it was time to go and I shook hands with Mr. Ralston with a sense that I'd found an honest lawyer. He assured me that either Peter or he would always be available to answer questions. In return, he asked to be kept informed of any changes in my life. That was a polite way of asking that any murder attempts be passed along to him. I agreed quietly, hoping that I never had anything to report but afraid that all too soon I'd have news.

Kelly's hand was warm on my back while we said goodbye and picked up our bags. Peter drove us to the train station and dropped us off with a cheerier exit to Berkeley than our chilly welcome had been. We were lucky because the train was on time and our little cubicle on the sleeping car was ready. I felt a tremor of excitement about being alone with Kelly finally.

The porter put our bags under the seats, showed us the tiny bathroom and asked when we wanted the beds turned down. Kelly asked if seven o'clock was too early and the smiling man agreed, leaving with his gratuity to do it all over again with the next cabin. I shut and locked the door behind him and heard Kelly lowering the shades at the windows. Turning, I leaned against the door and watched him come towards me.

This kiss was long and slow and oh-so-sweet. He warmed me from head to toe with his body and his hands shaped me from shoulder to waist. I was panting when we finally broke apart to breathe.

"God, I've been wanting to do that since I got to the lawyer's office. I was scared to death that something would happen while we were apart." His hand came up to brush back my hair and I leaned into it.

"I know what you mean. It feels like hours since I held you." My hands smoothed the shirt under his jacket.

With a jerk, the train pulled away from the station and the problems of the Gage Estate. Kelly pulled me away from the door and over to the bench seats. With a little wiggling, we got comfortable with me half-reclining across his lap and his arms strong around me. Long moments passed as we found new ways to kiss each other. I discovered that his ears were ticklish and he found a hot spot I didn't know I had at the hollow of my throat.

We whispered secrets to each other, things that we hadn't spoken of for years. He spoke of Rosa and their life together, the hopes and dreams that died when she was killed in a car accident three years before. I talked about college and the long weekends when Mike and I built the log cabin that then became my refuge. It felt so freeing to be able to speak any thought that crossed my mind.

When the chime for dinner rang through the little speaker above the door, we had to straighten clothes and button buttons that had come undone. But the knock at the door and the cheery voice of the porter reminded us that once dinner was over, we'd be coming back here to bed.

But not to sleep.

That thought simmered between us while we walked down to the dining car and the small white clad tables with the wall mounted lamps casting a gentle glow on the polished silver. The waiter took our order and served our wine before moving onto his next table. A steady hum of conversation filled the car and I looked around at our fellow travelers with interest.

Families filled most of the tables and several couples of various ages took the rest. We were the only two men at a table. An elderly couple sat across the aisle from us and I watched him take her hand while they looked at each other tenderly. I wondered if they were celebrating an anniversary by taking the train in a second honeymoon. They looked to be about the same age as my grandparents and I sighed.

"It's probably their fortieth wedding anniversary and they are taking the same train that they took on their honeymoon." Kelly's voice was just above a whisper and I grinned at his reading of my mind again.

We ate slowly, savoring the wine sauce that simmered around the firm white orange roughy. The new potatoes were buttery and tender while the carrots had a ginger glaze that had me moaning under my breath. Kelly's breathing hitched once and his eyes blazed into mine.

"Just wait until I get you back to our cabin." His whisper made me blush and drop my eyes. "Johnny, you are a delight for all my senses."

I had to be bright red, I thought. But part of me was impatiently waiting for the chance to touch him again and another part was basking in his warm glances. It had never been this way for me before and I wanted it to last forever. Taking another look at the elderly couple whispering across their table, I wanted at least forty years with Kelly and more if I could get it.

"Let's go back to our cabin." I'd finished eating and I needed him all to myself.

He chuckled and laid his napkin down. "You read my mind."

We shared a smile and rose to return to our cabin. The train was beginning to slow for some reason and it jerked a bit while we were moving between cars. Another man coming towards the dining car, almost fell and I gave him a hand to help steady him. I felt the crinkle of paper and realized that he'd fallen on purpose.

His eyes met mine and the voice that thanked me was a deep bass that I'd heard once before. I nodded and kept walking with Kelly right on my heels. Once we were in the cabin and the door was locked behind us, I read my note.

_Hey, kid, I've got you covered. See you in Bakersfield. Ace_

Smiling, I blessed the man who'd always watched out for me since the moment we met.

"The man in the corridor?" Kelly was reading over my shoulder.

"A friend of a friend. I called Ace Chandler to get some protection for Roy and his family. I don't trust Grandmother not to try something really nasty." I leaned back into his arms.

He hugged me close. "Tell me about him later. If we're being watched over, we don't have to pay attention to anything but ourselves."

"Good thinking. Maybe you could help me with this ... itch I've got." I pressed back against him and felt him begin to swell so close to where I needed him to be.

"An itch? Could be serious." One hand drifted down to cup my groin and I wiggled at the warmth. "I'll have to take a look. Why don't I help you undress so I can examine your skin ... all of your skin."

"Thank you, Doctor. I may need some help with my buttons." I turned in his arms and began unbuttoning his shirt. "Of course, you should be comfortable too. Let me help."

His lips ghosted across my cheek and over to my earlobe where he nibbled gently and sent my blood pressure skyrocketing. I barely restrained a moan and the feel of his hands sliding down my back and into the top of my pants made me shiver.

"Part of the problem seems to be a lack of circulation. I'll help you out of these tight pants and try ... rubbing ..." his voice was a husky whisper that turned me to steel.

We sped up the undressing process and barely restrained ourselves from flinging clothing everywhere. Most of it landed on the right hand bunk bed and I found myself flat on the other with a living, breathing blanket on top of me. Our groins were matched and our cocks dueled for space between us. I needed him inside of me more than anything but it had been a long time for me and I knew without a lot of preparation, I'd probably bleed.

Not an option with my tender hearted lover. So with a flex of muscle, I had our positions reversed and I slithered down his beautiful dark haired torso to the prize waiting for me. He was so beautiful here. Gloving him gently, I lapped at the clear bead of fluid he'd pulsed out, worrying the small slit while he writhed beneath me.

"Johnny!" His husky whisper made me feel ten feet tall.

"I believe you spoke of a new meaning to 'open wide and say ah'." I grinned up at him before quickly taking him down to the root. Fluttering my tongue, I flexed around his thick length before coming up very, very slowly. Sucking a little, I gained more of his slightly bitter taste. He tasted better than the carrot glaze from dinner.

My body was lying across his legs and that was the only thing keeping him on the bunk. His hands were on my head, not controlling me but shakily stroking through my hair. When I sucked him in further, my hands slid up to play with his nipples. The rock hard pebbles seemed to respond to gentle pinching and I decided right then and there that I would be tasting them again soon.

His moan was low but I could feel his balls drawing up tight so I sucked harder and began to hum. That sent him right over the edge, his hips thrusting up once before pulsing out his seed and I came back up to savor the slightly bitter taste. I was growing addicted to him. My silent prayer to the Great Spirit was for a little more time and his safety above all else.

"Come up here, Johnny." His hands urged me up and his sleepy eyes drew me to him. Kissing me thoroughly, his fingers combed through my hair. When we broke apart to breathe, he looked at me with so much love in his face that I wanted to cry. "I love you, Johnny Gage. What would you like from me?"

"I need you inside of me but I don't think we have anything and it's been ... a long time for me." I smiled a lopsided smile. "But we can do that another time. What are you comfortable with?"

He was blushing but his smile was hopeful. "Um, I never did that before, just hands and mouth in my disreputable youth. You're going to have to teach me what to do because I want to do everything with you."

Now, I really felt ten feet tall. "We'll have plenty of time for," I leaned down and kissed him slowly, "everything. But for right now, you do whatever you want with me. Maybe you could play 'find the hot spot'?"

Chuckling, he turned us once again so I was wedged between the padded wall and the mattress. He was very thorough in his search and I released way too soon. Just the sight of him licking me from his hand was almost enough to harden me all over again. He got up to dampen a washcloth and I got up on shaky legs to fold the clothes and pull the covers from the other bunk so we had a clean surface to play on.

He came back with a warm damp cloth and wiped me down carefully. Then he brought out his bag and held up a tube of burn ointment. "Is this what you had in mind?"

I took it from him and read the ingredients on the side before smiling. "It will do quite nicely, Doctor Brackett. Let's get comfortable and I'll fill you in on some things they probably didn't teach you in medical school."

Kelly laughed and followed me down onto the bunk. The tube got a little squished between us but I figured, what the hell, it needed to be warmer anyway. We kissed for long moments and I reveled in the feeling of the hard body against mine. One of his legs was between mine and the hairs on his leg tickled me unexpectedly all up and down my sensitive inner thighs.

Just this touch alone would have probably melted me into a puddle but his questing fingers learning my body revived me in record time. I arched into him when his fingers strayed behind my balls to the nerve rich area of the perineum. My breathy moan brought his eyes back up to make sure it was a good moan.

"Let me turn over so you can ... explore your new property." I wiggled against him and his cock hardened just a bit more.

"Mine, huh? I promise to take better care of it than your family did." His blue eyes glowed and I rose up to kiss him before carefully turning without throwing him out of the barely wide enough bunk. But the first thing I felt was his healing touch ghosting over the tiny raised welts left from the beatings of my youth. A gentle tongue traced them while soft lips kissed away even the memory of pain. "Never again, Johnny. No one will ever hurt you again if I can stop it. I love you."

Tears shimmered behind my eyelids at the fervent vow. "I love you, too. We're going to be fine, Kelly. I've already called in some old friends who will help protect us and once I turn 30, we'll see what happens."

He was half way down my back now but one hand was sliding over my buttocks and then up again. Each pass came closer to the crease until he was finally brushing against my opening and down to my balls before coming back up. It had been such a long time for me that I shivered all over. And once again, the knowledge that it was Kelly touching me so intimately made my heart beat faster.

The sound of the tube top being flipped open made me want to turn over to watch the intent look I knew would be on his face. I'd seen it a hundred times when he was working on a patient and I was curious to see if it was there now. But I hesitated to ask because what he was doing felt so wonderful.

"You just tensed up. Too much?" The concerned note in his voice brought me up and around so I was once again wedged between wall and mattress.

"I need to see your face while we make love." I didn't want to go into all the reasons that I wanted it but he just nodded and went back to slicking his fingers with the slippery cream. The train slowed to a crawl and then to a stop and we both tensed until we heard the faint call of 'Modesto'. It was just the first halt on the lazy journey down the state.

Moving my right leg over his, I gave him plenty of room to play. He rubbed his middle finger gently over my tight entrance and I sighed in contentment. The sigh brought his lips back to mine and we kissed while he dipped inside of me in a pale reflection of what was to come.

Soon, I told myself, soon it will be all of him safe inside of me.

We feasted on each other while he forged deeper inside of me until by accident he hit my prostate and I almost bit his tongue when I bucked against him. He chuckled and found it again. "Well, for a man your age, your prostate seems to be just fine. Maybe I should check it again?"

I was shuddering under each passing touch and when he slid down to take me into that hot, wet mouth, I knew it wouldn't be long before I came and came hard. The stretch of unused muscles told me that he'd graduated to two fingers and I battled the urge to push them out. It really had been a long time.

Watching him gain confidence at licking and stroking my cock, I saw that look I'd been waiting for, the one that told me I was the only thing he was thinking of. Then his eyes met mine and he flicked his tongue against the large vein just under the crown at the same moment he grazed my prostate and the love in those deep blue eyes was all I needed to let go.

I seemed to pulse forever and he kept pace with me until I finally lay there on the wrinkled sheets, a satiated bundle of limp muscle. "Kelly, come up here, please."

He lay on top and shared my taste with me. I tasted great when blended with his own sweet tang. But he was hard against my stomach so I rolled him into my former position and rescued the burn cream before it could squirt all over the sheets.

"Johnny, show me what that feels like. I want part of you inside of me even if it's only a finger. I need to know what makes you flush red all over when I touch your prostate."

"All right, but you have to let me know if there's any pain. Any at all." Pain would never be an option in our bed. When he nodded, I kissed him hard and settled in to show him how good it could feel.

Tonight was going to go too fast.

**********************   
End part 9-11


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.

Johnny POV  
Part twelve   
*****************************  
 _I stood high on the mesa under a blazing sun._

_The sky was clear and the deep blue color reminded me of Kelly's eyes._

_I was physically alone but his love was wrapped around me like an invisible blanket._

_Smiling, I raised my arms, gathering the sun's warmth to burn away the last of the cold._

_Overhead, an eagle's cry warned me of another's approach._

_"Grandfather."_

_He looked the way I'd last seen him, weather-beaten and wrinkled, his long white hair held back by the beaded headband that Aunt Rosalita had made for him._

_"You have finally opened your heart, Johnny. I'm glad. He's a good man." His voice was clear and strong instead of the husky whisper of his last days._

_"He is a caring man, someone I can trust."_

_He nodded. "Trust is important. You have long been alone. Remember to lean on his strength when the darkness comes. Allow yourself to be helped."_

_I blushed and nodded. I did tend to try and do everything myself except when it came to the job where I'd learned to work as part of a team. One person can't fight a fire by himself._

_Flying Arrow nodded, his face creasing in a slight smile. "You have entered a partnership more important than fighting fires. It will require constant attention and nurturing. Care for him and let yourself be cared for in return."_

_I smiled back. "I love him, Grandfather. Caring for him will be easy."_

_He raised his face to the sun. "The darkness comes unexpectedly but when you call for the light, it will come. Take care of the land. We give it into your hands now."_

_I touched his shoulder, feeling the solid muscle that had once been there before the radiation sickness had thinned him to almost nothing. "Thank you, Grandfather. I will protect it with my life."_

_His black eyes snapped in some private joke. "In time, it will protect you and give you shelter from the dark. Look."_

_I followed his pointing finger and saw a line of clouds boiling some distance away. They ranged from gray to black, the winds whipping them higher and higher until they towered over the land. Lightening zigzagged to the ground like firecrackers popping in the night._

_There wasn't much time and I turned to find my grandfather gone._

_Alone again, I shut my eyes and followed the tug of warmth back . . ._

***

I opened my eyes to the small light from the bathroom cubicle. Kelly's head was heavy on my shoulder and his weight caressed me all the way down to my toes. Checking my internal clock, I was surprised to find that it was 3 a.m. and the train had stopped moving. Another small town or freight yard was my guess.

Looking down at the silky dark hair that caressed my shoulder, I thought about the dream. I don't dream about my Indian grandfather that much but in whatever guise he came, he always showed me the paths laid out for me. Before I'd opened my heart to Kelly, I would have faced the family alone, made the decisions that needed to be made, stood by the consequences and probably died.

But I couldn't do that now. Kelly was in my heart and my life, for better or for worse. Our decisions would have to be made together. I was going to have to ask for help, not just for my partner's family or the other innocents who might get in the path of my Grandmother's fury but for myself and the man who held my soul.

My grip on his arm must have tightened because suddenly a pair of worried blue eyes surveyed me. "What's wrong?"

"I had a dream about Grandfather Flying Arrow and he told me that the darkness was coming. He said I needed to ask for help and to let myself be cared for." My fingers couldn't stop caressing the warm flesh of his shoulder.

"And will you let me care for you and help you when you need it?" His eyes were so hopeful.

"It will be hard for me because I haven't depended on anyone else for a very long time." I smiled ruefully and had to catch my breath at his shining grin.

"You work with Roy in an almost perfect partnership. I know for a fact that the other members of the squad prefer you to back them up because you never say something can't be done just because it's hard." He leaned in and nibbled on my lower lip, sending little electrical pulses straight to my groin. His left leg was between mine and when he shifted, the wiry curls teased the tender skin into instant arousal.

I hadn't gotten this hard, this fast since I was a teenager.

"Kelly." My voice faltered when his hand brushed against my rising shaft.

"We can talk some more later. Right now, something's come up." He gripped me more firmly and I rose to meet him.

His mouth covered mine and his tongue stroked mine in the same rhythm that his hand was setting. I almost lost control with just that -- his hand and tongue. But I wanted something else this time so when he had to break away to breathe, I breathlessly held him just far enough away to get his attention.

"Kelly, if you'll let me switch ends, we'll both have something to play with." I watched him think about that and I saw the exact moment when he figured it out. Shoving the covers back, he got on his hands and knees and carefully turned so he straddled my head while going back to licking my groin.

We'd done some cleanup but he still smelled richer here than ever before. He probably showers twice a day and washes a dozen times so this was a good chance for me to breathe in his unique aroma. Sweat comes in many different forms but his was a real turn-on for me. His natural musk was ten times better than any artificial perfume or soap.

Licking the skin at the crease of his leg, I nuzzled the furry balls that dangled in front of me. We're so vulnerable here, we men. The soft sac is such a fragile barrier to protect half of our physical manliness. Compared to our balls, our cocks are sturdy. I held his silken flesh while I licked my way forward to its tip. My tongue must have felt a little rough because he shivered.

He was nibbling around the edges of the crown and I reciprocated with extra attention to the large vein just under his. He mimicked my movement and we started to play one-up. Whatever I did, he copied and I knew that it wouldn't be long before one of us was going to let go. My neck was getting a bit strained so I wet a finger and ran it over the tender area of his perineum while I sucked strongly on his leaking cock.

I felt him tense and when I re-wet my finger and rubbed it gently across his entrance before dipping inside, he groaned and released into my avid mouth. I savored each pulse of blood-hot liquid like the sweetest wine I'd ever drunk. I could grow addicted to him and I planned to do just that if he let me. He slipped from my lips and moved once again to the tiny space left at the side of the bunk. He was still a bit wobbly and I welcomed him back into my arms thankfully.

His hugs were addicting too.

"I love you, Johnny. And I'm definitely looking forward to more lessons." Kelly kissed me gently and I kissed him back, not at all gently. With a chuckle, he reached down and took my neglected cock in hand. The friction of his hand was all I needed to find my own release especially when he rubbed his tongue on the hot spot in the roof of my mouth that almost made me bite him.

Then while I was lying there, he brought up his hand to lick it clean again. I don't know why I found that so erotic but I did. He was a true sensualist and I had a feeling that I was going to get the full benefit of his rediscovered libido. Lucky me.

We fell back to sleep once he'd cleaned us up again and I slept like the dead until the seven a.m. chime announced early breakfast. Kelly had to shave and I ran the electric razor over my face, more out of habit than need. My Indian heritage had blessed me with little body or facial hair in stark contrast to Kelly's dark mass of hair everywhere on his body.

I smiled to myself as we 'helped' each other dress. It looked like the bear of my dream had just been a portent of who was coming into my life - my very own bear. The room was made up when we got back from breakfast and we pushed open the shades to watch the countryside go by.

"Now, what kind of protection have you arranged?" Kelly's eyes were serious and I knew that it was time to share a little more of my past.

"When I was 21, I was working in the County Morgue while going to college. It was midnight on a Saturday when they shipped over a body from LA County General. He was about six-foot tall and built like a college quarterback but his hair was completely gray. The chart said he'd been found in an alley dead but they weren't sure of what." I thought back to that night and the long shape shrouded by the white sheet on the squeaky gurney.

"I was writing up the log and getting ready to put him in the freezer when I heard the sound of drumming ... like I'd heard once before in a healing ceremony on the reservation. The radio wasn't on and I was in the basement so I never heard sounds from outside. But I could have sworn that the drumming was getting louder. Then the sheet twitched and I about jumped out of my skin." Just remembering it made me shiver.

"It happens sometimes when the last of the air in the lungs puffs out." Kelly was watching me carefully.

"Yeah, I know but that wasn't the case that night. I peeled back the sheet and held my hands over his face. And the next thing I remember is pulling out the needle from his chest. I'd given him a shot of Epinephrine right into his heart. What the hell I was thinking of, I don't know but after about five long minutes of CPR the corpse came to life." I should have had nightmares but maybe saving a life just gives you good dreams.

"Jesus, Johnny, that was taking a risk." Kelly's blue eyes were about as wide open as they could get.

"I know, believe me, I know. But that's how I met Ace Chandler, bodyguard to the elite and all round security expert. You'll see what I mean when you meet him. He's ... a good friend who seems to think he owes me for saving his life. I keep telling him I didn't have a clue but he just shakes his head and keeps on protecting me." I smiled and leaned in to kiss him.

He pulled me the rest of the way into his arms and turned the kiss into ... paradise. How had I lived before his kisses? They were warm and tasted of eggs and bacon with just a hint of the strawberry jam from his toast. Yet another addiction for me to live with.

The train slowed and the call of 'Bakersfield' came through the windows. I pulled away reluctantly and told him that we were getting out here. Everything was already packed so we made our way off the train with a short stop to tip the nice porter. The man from the night before was right behind us when we left the station doors for the parking lot. The familiar black Ford Ranger was sitting there with Ace leaning against it, dark shades tilted to the sun.

"Ace, it's good to see you." I tipped his cowboy hat back and his hand caught mine before it could retreat.

"Kid, you got to stop getting in trouble." The gruff voice was at odds with the hard hug he gave me. "Ted, your car is in row 20. Meet me back at the garage."

"Thanks, Ted." Kelly shook our shadow's hand and the man nodded once before striding away.

"Dr. Brackett, it's nice to meet you. Johnny hasn't said a thing about you except that you're the one he wants a future with." Ace straightened up and seemed to tower over Kelly.

"Thank you, Mr. Chandler. I'm greedy. I want all of Johnny's future to be with me as well." Kelly stood up to Ace and held out his hand.

The big man relaxed and shook hands. "I like a man who shoots from the hip, Doc. At the moment, I need a little more info on just what that she-wolf has planned for Johnny. Let's get in out of the heat and start driving on down. You can fill me in on the way."

The broad bench seat held the three of us easily with our luggage behind us. I sat in the middle and started telling Ace the whole story. He's an easy man to talk to because he never judges me, just listens. The world lost a great psychiatrist when he went into the security business. When I was done, he sighed.

"That makes try number four, Johnny. It's time we did something about that."

"What do you mean four, Ace?" Kelly leaned forward before I could ask the same question.

"Fourth attempt to kill him." Ace said matter of factly. "Once in college when the brakes went out on Mike's jeep while they were going up to the cabin. The second was Johnny's second call-out as a paramedic, up in Sutter's Canyon when a sniper tried to shoot him. I always knew that the first one was his mother's 'accident'. A friend of mine had worked with Edward Gage on that investigation."

I felt sick to my stomach. "You knew and never told me?"

"Wasn't anything you could do, Johnny. I just kept thwarting her and trying to get the evidence I needed to put her away." He grimaced. "But she's damned good and knows how to hire the best. At the moment, you've got a $250,000 price on your head. If you hadn't called, I would have been calling you. I didn't realize that you were staying with the Doc here, or I would have kept better surveillance on you."

I didn't know what to say. Someone had decided that I was worth a lot of money dead. How very desperate she must be to pay out that much to get rid of me. I was proving to be a sad disappointment to her. And Ace had been even more of a friend than I'd realized. But he just shook his head when I opened my mouth to say thanks.

"Doc, I think Johnny better keep on staying with you for the time being. His apartment is too open to the public. Hell, there isn't even security on the front door. I can set something up at your place so we'll know if someone tries to get in." Ace started making plans the way he always did.

"Mrs. Granton, my next door neighbor is the best security in the neighborhood." Kelly sighed. "Nothing and nobody gets past her and her best friend down the street, Mrs. Hanson. But you're right, we can let Johnny get his clothes and he can stay with me."

"Don't I get a say-so in my future?" I asked indignantly.

"No." "No." They chorused.

I smiled at them both. I was a very lucky man to have such stalwart protectors.

**************   
Roy POV  
**************

The call came at 10:00 a.m. We responded right away but it was only when Jeff, my temporary partner, pulled the unit up that I realized where we were. Johnny's apartment building was toast. The fire had taken everything so completely that only the outer walls were standing. It was pure luck that no one had been killed. I treated two victims of minor smoke inhalation and was thankful that was all I had to do.

My mind kept repeating over and over -- he's safe with Kelly.

"Damn it, Roy. You know who did this." The Captain's face was grim and I nodded slowly. "How the hell do we tell Johnny that everything he owns is gone?"

"She thought he'd be here. That he'd flown back yesterday evening." I couldn't understand how a woman could do something like this.

"Do you know when he's due in?"

"No, they're coming in on the train but I don't know when." I rubbed my chin and wondered how to get a hold of someone on a moving train. The Captain got called away and I began to put away the equipment I'd had out.

A black Ranger pulled up down the block and when I looked up, there was Johnny, Kelly and a stranger walking toward us. The look on my partner's face was grim to say the least. He joined us with a look towards the building.

"Anyone hurt?" Was all he asked.

"Two smoke inhalation victims. That's the plus side but the down side is the totality of the fire. Had to be an accelerant used to explain the rapid spread of the flames." I laid a hand on his arm. How do you say out loud - I'm glad you aren't dead?

The Captain joined us again after speaking with one of the guys. "Johnny, I'm glad you weren't here. There will be an investigation but at the moment, you're homeless."

"Never homeless, Captain."

I've never seen such a look of love on someone's face as I did on Kelly's. Even Johnny's face gentled at that statement and he smiled a pale imitation of his normal grin.

"Captain, you need to think about some security at the station. And everyone needs to know not to answer any questions about where Johnny's staying." The stranger sounded coldly angry.

"And you are ...?"

"Captain Stanley, this is Ace Chandler of Chandler Securities. I trust him with my life. And he'd be an excellent source of ideas. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of my problems." Johnny's face had turned to the stone look that he sometimes gets and I exchanged a look with Kelly that told me he recognized it too.

We were going to have to be careful that he didn't try to get away from us so we wouldn't be in the line of fire. Some of the other guys had spotted Johnny and he went to talk with them. For them it had to seem like a long streak of bad luck, losing all his possessions right after burying his grandfather. Little did they know that luck had nothing to do with it.

Kelly and I were alone when I heard him sigh. "We'll need to watch him. He's going to try and protect us from his danger."

I smiled. "That's just what I was going to say. Is this Chandler an old friend of Johnny's?"

"Yes, indeed he is." Now it was Kelly's turn to smile. "If he agrees, maybe we can meet for dinner tonight so we can fill you in."

Johnny came back to us, stopping close to Kelly but not touching. I hadn't thought about the fact that they wouldn't be able to be open in public. I'd accepted them so comfortably that I'd forgotten the rest of the squad might not be so kind. That really sucked, as my kids would say.

"Well, Mrs. Butler isn't going to be happy with the three books from the library that just went up in smoke." Johnny tried to smile but I could see that it was a real effort. So I did what Kelly couldn't do, I reached out and hugged him. Work partners could sometimes get away with emotional things.

"Thanks, Roy." He returned my hug and rested his head for a moment on my shoulder. "We need to talk, partner, about several things. Tonight, please?"

"We need to talk." The Chandler guy was back. "Someplace neutral that won't lead a follower back to anybody's home."

Suddenly I shivered. All she'd have to do was find out my name and she'd find out that we were partners. Joanna and the kids could be in danger. My eyes must have widened because Johnny was suddenly shaking me.

"They're protected, Roy. I promise, they're safe and have been since yesterday." His voice was low but urgent and I felt the security guy grip my shoulder as well.

"I've got two agents on your family right now and if I have to put somebody inside, I will. Nobody will hurt them." His voice was as intense as Johnny's and I nodded jerkily, unable to speak just yet.

"How about Shintaki's?" Kelly said quietly and the others nodded. "Captain Stanley, can you join us? This involves your station as well."

"You couldn't keep me away." He said grimly. "Roy and I will be off duty at six."

"Eight o'clock be all right?" Chandler took a head count and nodded. "Guys, we need to get out of here and make some plans. We'll see the rest of you later."

I gave Johnny another hug and watched him walk away. I was still a little shaky and when Jeff asked me if he should drive, I agreed. I needed to call home in the worst way, hear Joanna's voice and make sure everything was okay. Antsy is probably the least of how Jeff thought I was behaving.

Once we hit the station, I went straight to the phone in the break room. It seemed like forever before she picked up. When I told her about Johnny's apartment house, she was horrified and immediately told me that he should come to us. I hadn't told her about the change in his life, or about the murder attempt, so I just said that he had a place to stay. She knew something was up because I was pretty stiff on the phone.

I'd had the sudden thought that the phone might be tapped so I didn't want to give anything away. Like where we were eating out. So, I just finished up with an 'I love you' and when I'd be home. The break room was pretty subdued when we all gathered to fill out the logs that we had to prepare after a call.

It had been a pretty bad day and I was afraid it was going to get worse.

*********

Captain Stanley came by and picked me up for dinner. I'd told Joanna everything and we'd talked it out. She was incensed with Johnny's family but a little afraid at the ruthlessness of his grandmother. I couldn't say anything because I was more than a little afraid for her and the kids. 

Hank and I said little on the way to the restaurant. What was there to say about the cloud of threat that hung over us? I was hoping that this security guy had a plan that would smoke her out into the open so she was no longer a threat to Johnny or the rest of us. And I wondered what was going through her mind as she planned to murder her own flesh and blood.

I just couldn't believe it even though I knew she'd already tried more than once.

The Shintaki was a local restaurant run by the Tanaka family. I'd only eaten there once before but the food had been delicious. The chefs cooked everything right at the table with a bit of a show and one of these days I was going to bring Joanna here. Maybe the wedding anniversary coming up would be a good time.

The others were already seated in the furthest corner with their backs to the wall and the exit to the kitchen just four feet away. Johnny's gaze was far away and the look on Kelly's face was grim. Chandler was leaning back in his chair, his eyes roving the restaurant constantly like the President's Secret Service agents did on his last visit to LA.

When Johnny saw us, he finally smiled. Hank and I sat down on Johnny's left side. A server was there immediately and we ordered tea. No matter what my partner says, I do not drink coffee around the clock. We were all pretty subdued but the chef came out and took our order quickly, turning on the flat metal surface of the grill and assembling the ingredients of our dinner.

The server handed each of us a warm wet washcloth and we carefully cleaned our hands. I wondered if that would work with the kids? The clear soup with water chestnuts came next and I drank it down completely, only pausing to chew the crunchy vegetables. Kelly told us about their shopping trip that afternoon for clothes and Johnny finally laughed when he told us about the young woman who kept trying to give him pants a size too small.

It was good to hear his chuckle again. I'll bet I could get even my finicky three-year-old to eat the vegetables that the chef sautéed next. The ginger sauce was my favorite for dipping but I was the only one who needed a fork. Everybody else was using chopsticks like pros. Maybe someday I'd have Johnny teach me how to do that. For now, I savored the sweet-sour taste of the sauce and ate all my vegetables.

Next came the sesame chicken, shrimp and steak that we'd ordered among the five of us and I watched fascinated with his flashing knives and other utensils. Then he was bowing, accepting our thanks with a faint smile and leaving us alone. The server brought a pot of tea to sit on the grill and left again.

"Eat first, then we can talk. This is too good to eat cold." Chandler's voice was gruff and we all agreed.

Johnny gave that little moan he always does when one of his favorite foods is melting on his tongue. From Kelly's reaction, I could see that he still didn't expect that kind of sound to come from my partner. Chandler was laughing quietly at Johnny and teasing him about his 'appetite'. So, he'd been doing that longer than I'd thought.

We finished pretty quickly and leaned back in our chairs while the main business was placed on the table. As I expected, Johnny was all for heading for the hills until after his birthday. He wanted to take the targets off our backs and get them to follow him but Chandler reminded him that he wasn't alone.

I was pretty sure that Kelly was holding Johnny's hand under the table and when he brought it up to his lips, I smiled. It was good to see my too-serious partner blush and smile shyly. I wanted both them and us to be around for many, many years to come. I'd almost forgotten that Hank was with us when he sat forward and collected our gazes.

"Johnny, do you remember doing CPR on an older fellow at Rampart General the day of the hotel fire?" He waited for a nod before continuing. "His name is Sergei Radislav and he survived his heart attack. He's a well-known poet who fled the Soviet Union back in the fifties. His grandson called the station to thank you and I told him I'd pass it on when you came back from your Grandfather's funeral. I thought that would be the end of it but Stella Luna from WXBX, the TV station caught hold of it and to make a long story short, the Mayor is going to present you with the Keppie-Howard Award."

Johnny and I gaped at him in unison. The Kep, as it was affectionately known, was named for a policeman and fireman who both went back in to a department store in 1934 to rescue two children who'd gotten separated from their parents in the toy department. The kids had gotten out when Peter Keppie and John Howard had hacked a hole in an outside wall and shoved them through, only to be caught themselves by a falling timber and dying together, so close to safety.

The kids grew up to become a State Senator and a neurosurgeon. They never forgot the brave men who'd given their lives for theirs and set up a trust to fund the award for heroism. Not a year went by that someone in LA didn't earn it although none had been quite so spectacular as the original pair.

"That's ... that's ridiculous. If I hadn't been going past, it would have been one of the others or a nurse." Johnny sputtered. "It's not on the same level for the Kep."

Hank smiled at him. "Look at it from their point of view, Johnny. You worked all day at saving lives, lose your own grandfather to the fire but stop and take the time to give life back to someone else's grandpa. Then while you're still grieving, your apartment is gutted by fire and you're left homeless. It's one hell of a news story and the Chief is practically panting at the bit at the great publicity for the fire department."

"Jesus, that really trivializes the award." Johnny was shaking his head.

"Not for the Radislavs." Hank leaned forward. "I spoke to Sonia Radislav this afternoon and she was in tears while she tried to thank you for giving her back her husband of fifty five years. She offered to give you a home until you could get back on your feet. She mentioned that you were much too thin and a few home cooked meals would soon set you right."

"I remember her." Johnny said slowly. "She had a cross in her hands and she was praying in Russian while her son alternated compressions and breaths with me. They seemed like a really nice family." I heard the unspoken words 'not like my family', that he was thinking.

Chandler's voice broke into the discussion. "It could be just what we need. If she thinks she's got a good shot at Johnny coming up, that might give us some breathing room. When is the award ceremony?"

"Two days from now in the Old Plaza in the Pueblo." Hank was still watching Johnny try to come to terms with his announcement. "Johnny, we so rarely get anything other than a hand shake or a thank you that when something like this happens, it makes us all feel a little better about our jobs. It reminds us that we're doing a good job and sometimes a great one."

I decided to put in my two cents worth. "Johnny, you can take the five thousand dollars that comes with the award and donate it to the Children's Hospital in Watts where you volunteer. If they ask for a few words, you can say thank you and then tell them about the good work the cancer ward does with terminal kids."

He blushed hard and ducked his head. I patted his shoulder and smiled at Kelly's dawning understanding. I wanted to be sure that my partner didn't hide his light behind the barrier he'd erected around himself. Kelly deserved to know just what a wonderful man his new lover was.

"Kid, you never cease to amaze me." Ace chuckled. "Let this happen, please? I promise that we'll be working hard to make sure no one gets hurt."

Johnny rubbed his forehead and I could see the headache gathering behind his eyes. "You really think I should?"

"Yes!" We all spoke up in unison and he finally smiled.

"All right. Cap, I need to talk to the Radislavs but I don't want to talk to Stella Luna."

"No problem." Hank agreed and the rest of us relaxed. We had a chance now.

*************************   
Assassin POV  
*******************************

She was cold as ice as she paid me half my fee for the death of her grandson.

I do a lot of business with family members. There's just something about family that brings out the worst in people.

She laid out the timetable for me then went silent for a moment. Then those cold blue eyes rose to meet mine and I could almost see her thoughts turning. "Make it hurt."

I nodded. "Can do. The sensitive ones are easy. You have the other half of my fee?"

"It's in your bank. Once he's dead, it will be released."

I stood and nodded again. "It's a pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Gage."

Turning, I left the old witch in her den and unhurriedly made my way out the front. The butler even opened the door for me. Some class if only on the surface. I wondered what her grandson had done to piss her off so badly. And I also wondered if the rumors about her were true?

Had she had her husband murdered? Or just his brother and nephew?

Lady Macbeth had nothing on her. This one wouldn't crack up and go all broody, she was too strong for that. For a moment, I felt some sympathy for the kid who'd had to grow up under her heavy hand. I'd bet he had the scars to prove it.

I chuckled to myself as I set off for the airport. Maybe he would be better off dead? Struck down in his moment of triumph on the award podium. Too bad I couldn't collect fees from my victims as well. Half of them would probably pay me to keep working. No matter, John Gage wouldn't be troubling dear Granny much longer.

I love this job.

*********************   
Johnny POV  
Part fifteen   
***********************

He was killing me.

Slowly.

Deliberately.

Carefully.

Teasingly.

I was on fire and he was fanning the flames.

I was moaning continuously now, in between the ragged pants.

The burn had lessened with each careful finger until I was demanding he bring it back.

Then ... finally ... he was inside of me.

Just the flared head of him and my muscles screamed at the bulk.

But just for a moment then I relaxed and pushed back, taking all of him.

Now, it was his turn to moan. His fingers dug into my hips in unconscious possession while his breath heated my spine.

"Johnny."

"I love you, Kelly. Move." On my hands and knees, his legs spreading me wide while his cock nudged my prostate, I needed more.

But he didn't seem able to move yet so I encouraged him. Tensing my inner muscles around his bulk, I surprised him into another moan. Then, he was moving. Slowly he drew out before sliding back in. Out and then in. Almost all the way out then thrusting all the way back in. Each time a slightly different angle until he bulls-eyed my prostate and I shuddered all the way down my spine.

"Right there, Kelly. Do that again." I demanded and squeezed tight around him.

"Oh god." He remembered the way and proceeded to give me what I needed.

This fire was a good one and I surrendered to the flames he was fanning, knowing that he'd catch me when I fell. Three more strokes and I was coming, long and hard, my inner muscles milking him of his own climax. My arms unlocked and I landed flat on the bed with his body covering mine from head to toe.

I must have blacked out then because the next thing I felt was shaking hands and a warm wet washcloth bathing me. "Kelly?"

"Right here, Johnny. Where does it hurt?" The shaky note in his voice gave me the strength to turn over. His tear-bright eyes met mine and I pulled him into my arms.

"It doesn't hurt anywhere, Kelly. I've never blacked out from pleasure before. Thank you." I planted baby kisses all over his worried face. "When can we do it again?"

A tear leaked out from his closed eyes and I kissed it away. "I thought I'd hurt you."

"Never, Kelly. Nobody has ever loved me so well. I love you." I kept hold of him, my hands soothing his agitation and my lips gentling the little tremors that racked him.

"I love you, too. I've never felt so out of control before." His hands finally grasped me again, coming up to smooth the long muscles of my back all the way down to the curve of my buttocks. "I checked for blood but there wasn't any."

I wiggled underneath those warm fingers. My ass has always been sensitive and if I hadn't just had one killer climax, I think I would have been ready to go again. "Kelly, I loved it. I love you. And with a few hours rest, I want you to do it again."

"No way, Johnny. I don't want you to be too sore for tomorrow." His eyes were determined. "No pouting, young man. Perhaps you could show me what I've been missing?"

"Not yet, Kel. You need more stretching." I almost melted at his own pout but I was firm. "I'll see how you go after our shower. It's times like these that I wish I'd kept some of my little toys."

He finally relaxed under me, his curiosity peaked. "Toys? Like vibrators?"

I grinned. "Exactly. And anal plugs, not to mention nipple clamps."

His eyes widened and he gulped. "Really? That sounds . . . interesting."

I leaned in and kissed him slowly, watching him shiver under my lips and tongue. Sliding down his chin to his slightly bristly throat, I lapped at the hollow there before heading down the black curls to the small pink nubs that rose among the thatch. I definitely had a nipple fetish and his breathy little groans were music to my ears.

Suckling long and hard, I gently bit it before laving it with my tongue again. Then I moved to its twin and repeated the process. Feeling him twitch beneath me, I hid a grin against his nipple. It looked like his body was waking up for me. Maybe it was time to play some more? I looked up to find him watching me through slitted eyes.

"That feels wonderful." That husky voice did something severely debilitating to my equilibrium.

"It gets better."

"Always, Johnny?" It wasn't quite a question.

"For as many tomorrows as we have." I promised.

"I want lots of them so you need to be careful out there. Wear the bulletproof vest, please."

"I will if you will." I stared down into his eyes and watched him think about it.

"Yes, I will. Now, what are we going to do about the rest of the people on the podium?"

I sighed and put my head down on his chest. "I'm afraid they'll have to take their chances. If I know Grandmother, she'll have hired someone good. She always liked quality."

"Jesus, Johnny, how can you joke about her?" His voice rose and I smiled sadly.

"If I treat her seriously then she wins. Maybe it's gallows humor but it helps me keep my balance. The way that you help remind me that I'm a good person and someone you can love."

"Oh, love." His arms came around me in a bone-crushing hug and I returned it as best I could. "Don't ever think that loving you doesn't give me more joy than I've ever felt before in my life. I feel alive again. I want to go skinny dipping in the ocean with you or make love in the doctor's lounge or maybe in the backyard at midnight."

He surprised me into a chuckle and I raised my head to look down at him. "The backyard, huh? How about the cabin in the national forest where there's no one around and we can make love on the front porch with only the owls to watch us?"

"Yes. As soon as this is over, we can leave. I have enough time saved up that we could be gone for six months."

"Well, I don't quite have that much but a week would be wonderful." I laid my head back down. "What I'd really like to do is visit the property in New Mexico. I still can't believe that the Grandfathers gave it to me." I paused and changed my mind about asking him what I wanted to ask him.

But he read my mind and his hands smoothed my back with comfortable strokes. "You know, it would be nice to build a hospital on the reservation so your people got the same quality health care that say, Rampart General provides."

I kissed his nipple in reply and he chuckled, the sound a comforting presence in the dim room. "I love you, Kelly."

"I love you too, Johnny. Now, I think you promised me something 'more'?"

Rolling off him and out of the bed, I held out my hand to pull him out of our comfortable nest. "Shower ... now."

He laughed and joined me in the walk from his bedroom to the bathroom. I'd thought he might not want to share the bed he'd slept in with his wife but he'd told me in no uncertain terms that it was now our bed and he wanted me there forever. I still wasn't sure about the forever part but I was learning.

Kelly jumped in with both feet when he took on a new cause. But the one thing I'd always admired about him, lust aside, was his tenacity. Once he chose a course he threw all his resources into it. 'Body and soul' seemed to be his motto. I could approve of that, I decided while turning on the water in the shower unit while he got the towels.

"Room for one more?" His husky voice preceded his warm hands on my shoulder.

"Always. Come in here and let me play." I pulled him in and squeezed soap on the wildly curling hair on his chest. He moaned while I lathered him up to his shoulders and down to his toes. Then while he was rinsing the front, I started on his back. Stroking down his broad back, I ghosted over his buttocks and down the strong legs before coming back up to trail a soapy caress up his crease.

"Oh, God. I know it's because of the nerve endings there but who knew they were hard-wired directly to my cock." He shivered a little and I did it again, this time dipping my index finger just past the tight muscle at his entrance. He spread his legs a little more and leaned his whole body into the wall. "More."

Smiling, I got more soap on both hands and reaching around to his now alert cock, I pulled on it while sliding two fingers inside of him. He clenched around them tight but while I milked his cock, he gradually relaxed enough for me to move them deeper in search of his prostate. Taking a moment to roll his balls in my left hand, I went back to stroking him to full hardness. Scissoring my fingers in the tight channel, the gland finally met my touch and he shivered harder.

"I never knew it could feel so good, Johnny." His voice was husky and I smiled at the note of wonder in his voice.

This was my gift to him, the knowledge that his body could feel many different pleasures. I pressed back in again and again until his hips were moving instinctively between the two motions. And that's when I pulled out far enough to insert three fingers. He spasmed around me at once and his cock spurted out his cum against the wall. I mourned the loss of my favorite protein but rejoiced that there didn't seem to be any discomfort in his back muscles.

"Am I stretched enough, now?" The note of hope in his voice surprised me.

"Not just yet, but soon." I pulled my fingers out as gently as I could but he still hissed. "Tomorrow night, after we survive the speeches then we'll see."

"Come here and hold me." He turned and pulled me into his arms while he lathered his hands and washed my back, taking care to soap my own crease.

I felt his love and desire with every stroke. I was a very lucky man. And I enjoyed it all until the hot water ran out and we jumped yelping from the shower. Drying each other was fun and I learned a new hot spot on Kelly's body when I pulled the towel under his right arm. It went beyond ticklish and I saw his cock try to show an interest. But we were both satiated and moved back to his bedroom with our arms around each other.

Just as we were climbing back into bed, the phone rang. Kelly eyed it like he would a rattlesnake but picked it up anyway. I started to pray that it wasn't an emergency that would take him away from me. But his sudden smile told me that it would be okay.

"Johnny, it's Ace." He handed me the receiver and I took it reluctantly.

"Ace."

"We've got a line on the shooter, Johnny. He's an assassin who works mainly in Europe but he's over here testing the waters. I've heard that he's thinking of retiring to Florida and the bounty on your head would top off a very nice retirement fund."

"Good, can you stop him?"

"Do our best, Johnny."

"You always do, Ace. We'll see you tomorrow at 8, right?"

"We'll be there with two flak vests. Sleep tight, Johnny."

"Goodnight, Ace, and good luck." I hung up to the sound of his husky chuckle. Somehow, it seemed more real now. There really was an assassin with a bullet that had my name on it. And my grandmother had hired him to kill me.

Kelly murmured my name and pulled me down into his arms. "It will be all right, Johnny. I think your guardian angel is working overtime on this one. And I think that we're going to be fine. Can you sleep now?"

I snuggled close and breathed him in. "I'll try, Kelly. Maybe Grandfather will come to me again."

He kissed me sweetly and reached over to turn out the light. "Or maybe it will be your mother to sing you to sleep with her lullaby."

"That would be nice, Kelly. Maybe she'll sing us both to sleep." I rested my head on his shoulder and felt his arms hug me close.

Safe. I was safe and loved, just the way Mama would have wanted it. Maybe I had more than one guardian angel. The best one was holding me tight and pressing soft kisses to my temple.

Safe ... for now.

***********************   
Assassin POV  
Part sixteen   
********************

I took a final look around the colorful plaza before picking the lock of the old church and stepping inside. I took a quick look around but the pattern of usage was the same as the day before. Usually, I like to have ten days or so to stake out a place. But this was such a perfect opportunity to kill my target cleanly and quickly, that I'd taken a chance.

I walked unhurriedly up the back stairs to the dusty room where the bells were actually housed. But I moved around them over to the wrought iron spiral stairs that led to the actual tower itself. Dust puffed beneath my feet and I moved quickly up so I didn't have to stay on them very long. God alone knows how long it had been since they were inspected.

Gaining the small tower room, my sense of relief quickly changed to an adrenaline rush when the big man stepped in front of me. "Getting sloppy in your old age, Nathan. This won't hurt a bit."

The prick of a needle bit into my neck and I started to turn to take out the man behind me when all my muscles froze. I began to collapse but the man who'd doped me broke my fall and lowered me to the dusty wooden floor. "What now, Uncle Ben?"

I was paralyzed but I could still breathe, swallow, move my eyes and hear.

"Did you plant the bomb under the platform?" The big man was out of my line of sight but I could see the smaller man setting down a bag near mine.

"Yeah, it's right under where the mayor will stand. Can I set it off, Uncle Ben? Please?" He was practically salivating at the chance and I felt my first real twinge of unease.

"Don't be a bigger idiot then God made you, Turner. I'll be setting it off along with Nathan's bomb about five minutes into the speeches. Now set up here and make sure you put the detonator into his hand so it looks like he set it off himself." The boss came into view and smiled genially into my frozen face. "There's a sucker born every minute and this time it's you, Nathan. On behalf of Mrs. Gage, I'd just like to say thank you for taking the contract and providing us with the patsy we needed for her grandson's death."

White-hot anger flooded my system and I felt a tremor flow through my muscles. He must not have seen it because his eyes were on his associate and his sigh of exasperation came through loud and clear.

"Turner, quit playing with the equipment or I swear I'll leave you up here with him so I can blow up the pair of you. Your mama should have drowned you at birth, boy." He looked back down at me and opened my jacket, feeling in the inside pocket until he could pluck the envelope of cash from it. "And I'd just like to thank you for the donation to my retirement fund. I have to declare my salary from Mrs. Gage but this is going quietly to the Nassau Islands. Isn't offshore banking wonderful?"

"I think it's ready, Uncle Ben." The young man was subdued and I rolled my eyes just far enough to see the big man check the small suitcase with the switches. Sniffing, I could just smell the C-3 plastic explosive.

Shit! I was screwed royally unless I could shake off the drug and get out of here. I thought about what I'd like to do to the cold bitch who had so calmly set me up and the surge of adrenaline sent another tremor through my muscles. For a moment, I thought I had it then the weight returned.

"Looks good, Turner. Maybe I won't get rid of you just yet. Now do you think you can handle the rest without me?" His deep voice was noncommittal.

The blond nodded silently and I watched him closely. If I was to have a chance at all, I needed the big man gone. The other guy I could handle with one hand tied behind my back. Which is kind of how I felt at the moment. But I had just moved my leg muscles an inch and I could feel my arms beginning to tingle.

"Well, Nathan, it's been good but I've got an assassination to work. I promise I'll dedicate my first drink to you when Mrs. Gage pours out the whiskey. Too bad you didn't take the rumors about her seriously. She plans for every contingency." He straightened up and ruffled the hair of the young blond. "Remember to actually leave the tower before 10:16, Turner. We only need one corpse up here for the FBI."

"I remember." His subdued voice made the big man laugh.

"See that you do. And what are you going to do?"

"Put the fake detonator in his hand before I leave. Can I have his gun, Uncle Ben?"

"Good thinking, Turner. I'll take it with me and you can collect it later. Wouldn't want to confuse the Fibbies with too many weapons." He picked up my bag from where I'd dropped it and dug the toe of his boot into my hip. "Goodbye, Nathan, thanks for taking this assignment. Too bad you're over the hill."

Anger flooded my system but I stayed limp. We'd just see who was over the hill.

"Remember, Turner, 10:16. Leave before then." And he headed down the spiral stairs, my bag bumping against the railings.

Damn it that was my favorite gun. I'd had it for six years and the last person I wanted to inherit it was the fumble fingered man playing with the suitcase of explosives.

"He didn't have to keep reminding me." The blond muttered with a pout. "I'm not stupid. I can handle this just fine." He stood and peeked over the wall. "Gosh, there's a lot of big cars out there. Oo-oh, I bet that's the mayor. He's such an idiot."

I let his running commentary flow past while I tested each muscle group in a series from my toes on up. Whatever the drug was, I was willing to bet that it wasn't supposed to fade this quickly. I had a chance if I could just get the fool close to me.

"Neat. The fire truck looks so pretty. Too bad we have to blow up the fireman. I'll bet he's a lot nicer than his grandma." I saw him shiver out of the corner of my eye. "She's real mean. I don't like going there when Uncle Ben takes a job. She's kind of scary with those cold eyes. I didn't know ice could be blue."

Yeah, I had the same feelings at the moment. I was holding in my anger because you can't function when you're pissed but it was simmering away quite nicely deep inside of me. I was going to need it for my one shot of getting out of here in one piece. My mind was planning no further ahead than the next fifteen minutes.

"Oh gosh, it's ten. I have to leave." He crouched by me. "I'm real sorry, mister but Uncle Ben says that you got to stay. Just close your eyes and pretend it's okay."

When he placed the detonator in my hand, I clenched my fingers tight around it and hit him as hard as I could. He fell without a sound, out cold while I sat up slowly, testing my balance. I was shaky but good to go. Moving slowly to the suitcase, I pocketed the C-3 and pulled every wire I could find.

The kid was too soft for this business but I wasn't going to cut his life any shorter than necessary. If it had been his uncle, I would have left the explosive attached to his groin and enjoyed the thought of blowing him to pieces. Turner would live to be yelled out by his uncle again. Taking the stairs quickly but hanging onto the railing to keep myself upright, I strode through the back corridor and out the door I'd come in.

My rental car was where I'd left it and I fell into the front seat, resting my head against the steering wheel for a long moment. My vision was clearing but the drive to the airport was going to be dicey. I had a hard time getting the key into the ignition but a couple of deep breaths and I got it started. The alley was clear and I pulled away from the church.

Behind me, a dull roar sounded and I felt a twinge of sadness for the young man I'd been sent to kill. I usually don't do revenge but I was going to let myself enjoy his grandmother's death.

Nobody set me up.

**************************   
End part sixteen


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events at the Plaza and back at the Gage estate.

Roy POV  
Part 17  
******************* 

I was nervous and scared and mad, all at the same time. Johnny was calm, almost eerily calm and he stood beside me at the edge of the platform while he waited for the Mayor to finish his speech. The Fire Chief was up next then finally they'd give Johnny the Kep and we'd be done with all of it. I hadn't seen anybody who looked like an assassin or a bodyguard.

But then, I doubt they'd be wearing a name tag.

Suddenly, a car blew up on the far side of the plaza and Johnny and I both flinched. The guys rushed over and soon had it out while the Mayor made a rather lame joke about psychic firemen being there before the fire had even started. The police presence doubled shortly after that and the Fire Chief kept his remarks short and to the point, something I hadn't realized he knew how to do. Then the Radislavs, Sergei and Sonia stood together to pin the small bright medal to Johnny's chest and Sonia brought his head down to give him a kiss.

The crowd cheered and clapped while Johnny blushed beet red and approached the microphone hesitantly. "Thank you all for coming. I expect that everyone who has ever received this award feels as unworthy as I do. Peter Keppie and John Howard were real heroes and it's a great privilege to be thought of in the same breath as them. This award reminds us that every day and in every part of the city, our firemen and police are doing their jobs sometimes in very difficult circumstances. But that's why we do them, not for awards but for the satisfaction of being able to help.

He paused to take a deep breath. "I'm not very good at public speaking but my partner, Roy DeSoto reminded me that there's a five thousand dollar bonus that comes with this award and I thought this would be a good time to talk about the hospital to which I'll be donating it. The Children's Hospital in Watts is a wonderful organization that treats young cancer victims from every part of the county. They have a dedicated team of doctors, nurses and technicians who do everything they can to help these kids through that terrible disease. And when it can't be cured, they help the families and the children right up to the end. Money is always short there but the love and caring isn't. So, I'm donating the money in the name of the Keppie-Howard Award and I'd like all of you to think about them when next you're feeling charitable."

Kelly was standing to the side and he looked so proud of Johnny that it looked like he would burst but then I was feeling the same way. I was a lucky man to have such a great partner. Hank was beaming from Kelly's side and the rest of the guys were cheering Johnny on, but he had blushing left the microphone to stand beside the Radislavs while the cameras clicked.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ace return from wherever he'd been and his relaxed look made me feel a little better. Maybe he'd found the assassin and turned him over to the police already. The Radislavs had invited all of us to the nearby Kremlin restaurant for lunch as their personal thank you to Johnny and figuring that large parties were safer than small ones, Hank had agreed.

The Mayor and Fire Chief had already left when we started to walk over to the restaurant. I was still a little jumpy and when Kelly fell into step with me, I could see he felt the same way. His eyes kept scanning the rooftops and I wondered where or even if the killer had been here.

Ace fell in at my other side and Kelly looked his question at him. The big man smiled down at us and nodded. "Everything is taken care of, gentlemen. The killer discovered that there was someplace else he had to be so he left. The only accident befell my assistant who is nursing a sore head right now and vowing vengeance on him. He got away but I don't think he'll be bothering Johnny again."

I was relieved but Kelly was eyeing the big man like he would a patient who wouldn't tell him his symptoms. "There's something you're not saying."

"Have you ever heard of the old proverb 'that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword'? It's kind of the trademark saying of the assassins trade."

I was confused now but Kelly's face showed that he wasn't. Then his face relaxed so completely that I wondered if I'd really seen a look of dismay on it. His eyes went to Johnny who had bowed his head to listen to something the animated Sonia was telling him and he smiled at the tender sight.

"He's the only one that matters. If he's safe then ..." his eyes came back to Ace's, "I guess the rest will play out as it will."

"Oh, I always knew that Johnny was a smart one. He'll be safe with you." Ace relaxed. "He's been mighty short on love since his mama died, it might take a lifetime to make up that lack."

"Yes, it will." Kelly said and nodded to us both before moving up to Sonia's other side.

I was really confused now but something told me that we could all relax. Lunch was good and the entire Radislav clan was there. The grandchildren were all thoroughly Americanized but it was nice to see them defer to their grandparents and affectionately translate for one of their elders when their emotion took away their command of English. Our unit was all interspersed between the Russians and it felt good to relax and just enjoy the food without worrying about death or suffering.

The food was delicious too and I ate like it would be days before I could eat again. The release of tension, deserved or not, seemed to have freed my appetite. Kelly was across the table from me and I noticed that his attention seemed to be off and on. I figured it had something to do with Ace's odd proverb.

Lunch lasted for almost two hours and when it was done, the guys headed back to the station while I waited for Johnny. I wasn't sure what he was going to do now that he'd gotten the award. Kelly and he joined Ace and I by the squad truck.

"Ace, tell me again what happened?" Johnny's dark eyes looked directly at the bodyguard.

"Kid, all you need to know is that the assassin is long gone and won't be back." Ace tilted his cowboy hat to shade his eyes.

"But you won't say how you did it?" Johnny persisted.

Kelly put a hand on his shoulder and those dark eyes turned to him. "Johnny, there are several ways this can end and all of them involve somebody dying. Are you sure that you want to know now or can you wait for this to play out?"

I hadn't thought about that and suddenly I understood what Ace had meant. Johnny's grandmother had killed in the past and somehow, Ace had sent the assassin back to her. 'Those who live by the sword, shall die by the sword.' I shivered and hoped that nobody innocent got in the way.

"Kid, I take full responsibility for what happened. In no way do you have to worry that anything you did effected what happens next." Ace said quietly and I saw Johnny's eyes soften.

"Ace, you're still taking care of me, aren't you?" He reached out and hugged the tall man. "We'll let events play out the way they will. For now, is it safe for Kelly and I to head for the forest?"

Ace bit his lip and shook his head. "That place is known to be one of your haunts, I've got another place in mind. How about a beach house two hours from here?"

Kelly sighed. "That sounds wonderful, I love the water. Johnny?"

He smiled and nodded. "If Kelly approves then so do I, Ace. How do we get there and how long do we have to pack?"

"I'll drive you and you've got about two hours to pack. There's shopping near by so you can pick up some shorts and t-shirts, not to mention a bathing suit. There's no nude bathing there, gentlemen."

Kelly blushed and Johnny laughed at that. I chuckled and gave Johnny a hug before driving the unit back to the station. I needed to listen to the news for the next few hours to see what came of Ace's meddling. Part of my mind hoped that this could be resolved without another death but there was a small part that was rooting for the old biblical 'eye for an eye'.

No matter what happened, our partnership had changed forever. From being a loner, Johnny had become part of a couple. Even though they couldn't marry, Johnny and Kelly were now part of my extended family. And I was definitely looking forward to our next barbecue. Kelly's baked beans were the best.

I drove through the crowded streets and pulled into the station, parking the truck carefully. Wherever they were going, I hoped their honeymoon was a great one. And that soon we'd back to normal or whatever passed for that these days.

For now, I needed to call Joanna and fill her in on all the news.

********************   
Assassin POV  
part 18   
********************

The drug had passed through my system by the time I stepped off the plane in Berkeley. I felt rather naked without my gun but I wasn't wasting a bullet on the bitch. I preferred to arrange an accident and snap her scrawny little neck. It wouldn't do to let the news get out that I'd been hoodwinked by an amateur.

Hiring a car, I drove to a nearby church and made my little incendiary device to hide the evidence. Checking my scheduler, I realized that the servants had the day off so I'd only be taking out the bitch and maybe her son. Everybody else would be gone although the way I was feeling at the moment, I wouldn't have minded a little collateral damage.

Still, I didn't want a reputation as a loose cannon. Damn it that reminded me that I'd just lost my favorite weapon. To hell with it, I'd just take out the entire estate house. How appropriate that fire would destroy her when her late grandson was a fireman. Irony on top of irony to go with her double cross of me.

I hiked in through the back of the estate and quietly disconnected the burglar and fire alarm wiring. I made it look like a squirrel had been playing and accidentally torn them out. Then I quietly canvassed the house before setting the tiny charge in the gas stove. Walking down the long hall, I was in her study before she realized it and the look of fury in her eyes while she clawed at me was worth the extra trouble.

Putting her out, I carried her down to the kitchen and set a fire going so she'd have some smoke in her lungs when they did the autopsy. The kitchen towel smoked satisfactorily while I positioned her under the large beam in the kitchen. Then I snapped her neck and stepped outside to trigger the charge.

The room began to burn as the gas sprayed across the floor and walls and her clothes were set alight almost instantly. When the room above caught fire, I walked slowly back to the connections and reinstalled the burglar alarm. It would be too suspicious to have them both off. Getting in my car, I headed north to catch a flight out of Portland, Oregon.

Maybe it was time to retire. I must be slowing down to let an old lady catch me like this. Of course, she'd just paid for her own assassination with the two hundred grand she'd had in her desk. I patted my pocket. Yes, indeed, time to cut my losses and retire to the sunny south. I had a little place in southern Mexico where I'd already set up a reputation as an artist who came to live each winter. The locals believed that when I left, if was for an art-show in New York.

I did enjoy painting as a hobby and it was time to pursue my paints instead of my kills. Once I made up my mind, I put the botched attempt behind me along with the old lady I'd just killed. With my passport in my pocket, it was time to go south. Maybe I'd stop in Eugene and the University art store to pick up some paints to take with me. Reds were so hard to get in Mexico.

Maybe a blazing fire would be my first picture.

Something allegorical about the fires of Hell and the eternal flames of its demons.

A demon like the one I'd just exorcised from the Gage family.

Smiling, I headed north and the freedom of retirement. It was time.

***************   
Part 19   
******************

I couldn't believe I was sitting at the beach next to Kelly. The sun was setting over the water and I let myself lean against him just because I could. His hand reached to hold mine and I grasped it with fervor. I felt as if I'd stepped into a parallel universe where men loving men was normal and family didn't try to kill you.

"Beautiful." Kelly murmured and I looked up to find his eyes on me instead of the sunset. "I can't believe that we're here. Thank God for Ace."

And suddenly I made the connection. "He said something to you."

"Do you need to know right now?" His blue eyes were so intent on mine.

Did I? I bit my lip and thought about it. "I think I do, Kelly. I'll only think about it if I don't know."

"I'm not sure exactly but he told me that the assassin's code is 'those who live by the sword shall die from the sword'." Kelly watched me while I thought about that.

And I could see it happen as if I was there. The assassin boomeranging back to Grandmother for some reason and taking her out. Ace wouldn't kill her directly but I could see him setting up a situation for someone else to do so. Did I care? I didn't know if I did. And I was so tired of thinking about it.

Kelly's arm slipped around me and I gave in, resting my head on his shoulder. His cheek immediately nuzzled my hair while his sigh echoed mine. "I love you, Johnny. What ever happens, I'm going to be right here."

I nodded silently and watched the sun go down with a hiss of red and gold. The sand was warm beneath us and the waves glittered in the dusk. It was a moment of peace that warmed me almost as much as Kelly's hug. "I love you too, Kelly. I wish this was really a vacation."

"It is, Johnny. Every day we have together is such a miracle to me." That husky voice made me tingle.

"Me too." I looked up and caught his grin before he kissed me again. All his kisses were tasty but this one had such promise in it that I leaned in and kissed him back. We tasted good together. And more importantly, we kissed like we'd always been lovers. That meant so much to me, the promise of a future with him.

Breaking apart to breathe, our eyes met in the gathering dusk. "Bed, Johnny?"

"Bed, Kelly." I rose to my feet and tugged him up with me. Walking in through the french doors, the tiles beneath our feet radiated heat back to our bare toes. Kelly locked the doors behind us while I moved quietly into the room that held the wide bed draped in white mosquito netting.

It looked like a fairy tale bed and the big mirror that served as a headboard reflected the dim light back to me. The wall sconces held real candles instead of fake ones and a bowl on the dresser was filled with books of matches. I started around the room lighting the votive candles until all ten glowed.

"You look like a fantasy prince come to seduce me into your lovely bed." Kelly's husky voice made my skin ripple in reaction.

He stood in the doorway to the room, his t-shirt already off displaying the dark curls on his chest. Kelly was the very picture of strength and I needed that more than I could say. But he read my mind the way he did and crossing the room, he took me in his arms to hold me close.

"I love you, Kelly. Hold me and never let go." I slid my arms around him and hung on tight, shaking just a little.

"I love you, too. And I'll never let go, Johnny. But you can't let go either." He stroked my back, burning me with his hot touch.

"I won't, I promise." And I did, too. Going back in time wasn't an option, we had to go forward. "Could we take a bath and wash the salt and sand off?"

"Absolutely." He kept one arm around me but turned us towards the bathroom. "I've been wondering if those whirlpool jets feel as good as the ads say they do."

I stopped him from turning on the lights. And he laughed quietly while I lit some of the same candles that surrounded the huge tub. "Part of the fantasy should be the light and sound."

"You are so right." His hands were busy stripping me bare while I tugged down his shorts to free the heavy cock that had given me so much pleasure the night before. "Which one of the bottles do you want to try tonight?"

"You pick." I turned on the water and tried to read the panel display that controlled the whirlpool jets while he picked one of the colorful bottles displayed on the wide tub surround. The smell of spearmint filled the air when he poured some of the dark green oil under the gushing faucet. My sinuses cleared instantly and I heard him take his own deep breath.

"Oh, I like that. We'll have to see about getting some for our bathtub, even though it's much less palatial than this one." Kelly was back to stroking my back and I felt like arching up into his hand like the cat he compared me to.

When the water was over the portals, I hit the button that turned on the jets. A low hum filled the air and the green-tinted water began to churn. Sliding one leg in, I felt the heat and sighed just a little. This was going to be good, I thought before sliding all of me in. Kelly was right by my side and twin moans resounded against the mirrored walls.

The candles were reflected over and over until I could hardly tell which were real and which were a trick of the light. But Kelly was real and solid in my arms. While I held him close and breathed in his essence, all around us was the smell of the ocean permeating even the spearmint bath oil.

"This is heaven." Kelly said in that husky voice that always turns me to pudding. "You are a water sprite that is at home with surf and sand."

I chuckled and shook my head. "I'm usually more at home in desert and forest. But I could become a water worshiper if you stay wet."

"Ah, worshiping your body sounds good to me." Those blue eyes were so dark that he looked as if he had no pupils at all. His hands stroked over my skin and I shivered from head to toe. "Then again, you promised me that I was stretched enough to find out how you'll feel inside of me. Please?"

He didn't have to beg for that. I was more than willing to show him what it felt like. I kissed him gently, enjoying the way he opened for my tongue. I entwined mine around his and let my hands drift lower and lower until I could stroke his cock. He was already hard and I realized that I wasn't far behind.

So I opened my eyes and searched for the jar of cream that I'd seen earlier on the shelf near the tub. Kelly watched me with wide eyes while I opened it and got some on my fingers. Then he gulped and turned around to brace himself on the side. I turned off the water so we didn't overflow then took a long moment to stroke down his back to the shadowy crease which hid his entrance.

"Relax, Kelly. You have to know that I won't hurt you and tensing up like this will just make me go slower." I rubbed my finger over his perineum and felt him shiver.

"I know you won't hurt me but I'm a little scared." His eyes met mine in the mirror and I smiled tenderly at him, loving his honesty and falling in love all over again. "But not that scared. Your fingers felt good before."

"Good, then you won't mind if I just slip one in." I suited my action to my words and felt him grip me tightly before relaxing and letting my index finger sink further inside. His channel walls felt like hot velvet and I rotated to see if I could find his gland. A little shudder told me I'd found it and I came back out to get more cream and insert two fingers.

His back muscles rippled all the way down to his cheeks and when I sparked his gland this time, he flushed all the way up to his neck. A breathy little moan made me harden further just listening to him. This time I folded three fingers into him and he shook hard, tensing then slowly loosening up for me. I flexed them a little and made sure I spread the cream deep inside of him.

I'm not the thickest guy around but I did have some length that I wanted to make sure didn't hurt him. With my other hand, I slathered cream over my cock. "Kelly, I need you to relax all over and push out against me."

He nodded, his eyes closed while he paid attention to every little motion. Sliding my fingers out and my cock in took only a moment, then I waited while he shook around the crown that had stretched him so. I smoothed my hands over those tense back muscles and thought about the heat that was sucking me in. When he relaxed, I pushed in a little further and paused again.

Finally, I was all the way inside of him and I could feel the tremors that shook his whole body. "Too much?"

Kelly gave a little sob and I started backing out, afraid that I'd hurt him. But he reached back a hand to stop me and took a deep breath before answering. "Full. I feel like I have the Squad 51 unit inside of me."

I was back to stroking his back. "That's pretty kinky, Dr. Brackett."

He chuckled and opened his eyes to meet mine in the mirror. "I love you, Fireman Gage. I've only felt this connected once before in my life and that was with my wife, Rosa. I can feel your strength like another pulse inside my mind."

I moved just a little, brushing across the gland and watching his eyes widen. "That's how it felt when you were inside of me. And I've never felt that before. How does it feel now?"

"Warm ... very warm. I think I'm going to need something to put out the fire you just started." He flexed around me and I had to hang onto my self-control to keep from losing it prematurely.

"That's my specialty, Kelly, putting out fires." I tried another slow thrust and felt his reaction like it was my own. Maybe there was something in the water that made things feel like more.

Soon, we had a rhythm going that pleased both of us until I pressed in once too often and he froze around me and came hard. That was more than I could take and I flooded him with my own climax. The water bubbled around us while I lay over his back and panted through the pleasure. His arms were the only things keeping us both up while we rested.

Then his body began pushing me out and I made sure to check that there was no blood. It happened sometimes with virgins, no matter how careful you were but thankfully, I hadn't hurt him. He hissed just a little when I was all the way out and I immediately checked his entrance. The water could have hidden the evidence.

"I'm fine, Johnny." He said affectionately, our eyes meeting in the mirror again. "I just didn't realize how empty I'd feel when you left." He turned around and gathered me into his arms. "I see now why you passed out. The ache will be reminding me for some time how well I'm loved."

"There's a salve that I can apply to help lessen the ache." I told him while I floated in his arms.

He shook his head. "No need, love. I like it and firmly expect you to give me that ache again and again."

I kissed him gently and he responded with his tongue. Feasting on each other almost made me forget what I wanted to say but when we broke apart to breathe, I remembered. "I expect equal time, Kelly. That well-loved ache is addicting."

"Ah," he sighed and kissed the hollow of my throat "it's a good thing that we both have the same addiction. I'd like to have years and years of satisfying these new urges that I have."

He batted his eyelashes at me and I couldn't help but laugh. We took our time and leisurely bathed away the day before getting out to dry off. I applied the salve with a reminder that if he was too sore, I wouldn't come back inside of him. He pouted but agreed before carrying in the cream to put on the bedside table.

I liked the way he thought and I plotted on how to make him come back inside of me. But we were both tired and once we had extinguished the candles and crawled into the wide, soft bed under the cloud of netting, we fell asleep between one thought and the next.

When I awoke, he was still asleep with my head on his shoulder. The early morning rays of sun were beaming through the shutters on the windows, striping his face with light. I watched him breathe in and out, pondering love and other miracles. Flexing my fingers on his stomach, I discovered his morning erection and knew what I had to do. Very, very slowly, I slid down his side until I had my prize within my grasp.

He tasted of Kelly and salt and just slightly of spearmint. We really had to find out where to get some of that bath oil. I fluttered my tongue against him before straddling his legs and taking a good grip. I could feel him waking up and I needed to be sure he was completely with the program before his higher reasoning came back on-line.

"Johnny." Just my name but such a sexy voice that I hardened immediately.

His hand came down to stroke my cheek and I watched his sleepy gaze turn sultry while he arched up just a little. He was hard within my mouth and I judged him ready for me so I let go and slid up to kiss him. But reaching behind me, I got him positioned at my eager hole, his warm bulk nudging me.

Then I broke the kiss, sat up and slowly slid him inside of me. He pulsed inside of me and I bit my lip until I relaxed. Opening my eyes, I caught a worried look. "No fear, Kelly. You didn't hurt me."

"You didn't use any cream, Johnny. And saliva isn't good enough."

I smiled down at him and used my thigh muscles to raise up a little before sitting back down. "I put cream in yesterday, in case I could entice you inside of me then. If we go slow, the saliva will be enough and I'll be fine."

"You're sure?" He rubbed his hands along the inside of my thighs and I shivered at the warm caress.

"I'm sure, Kelly." Leaning down, I kissed him again before sitting back and hitting my gland with a flush that I knew he could see.

So when next I did that, he thrust up as I was coming down and our rhythm slowly sped up until I froze around him and came all over his stomach. One more thrust and he was coming too, warming me with his hot seed. I collapsed onto his chest and his arms came up around me in the hug that I loved.

I felt him kiss my hair while his hands stroked my spine and I purred for him. He chuckled and I could feel the vibration everywhere we touched. When he slipped from me, we both groaned. But I didn't move from my comfortable perch and he kept on petting me until I thought I'd fall asleep again.

"We need to clean up and find some breakfast, Johnny." He kissed the tip of my ear before biting it gently. "Man does not live on love alone."

Laughing, I rolled off of him and the bed with a little flex. "It's so early that we could probably hit the beach and swim ourselves clean."

Eyes gleaming, he followed me out of bed. "Good idea. I want to see you in that little scrap of red that you bought yesterday."

I wiggled in his grasp. "Only if I get to see you in the blue speedo that you bought."

"It's a deal, love." He reached over my shoulder and dangled the bikini suit in front of me that he had picked out the day before.

I could barely get it on since my eyes were too busy watching him try to tuck himself into the stretchy blue fabric that fit him like a second skin. If we hadn't both just come, we'd have never fit inside of them. It was the next best thing to being naked in public. His lecherous look warmed me all over.

"I'll have to stay close to make sure that no beachcombers try to scoop you up." He chased me from the bedroom and out onto the deck.

We took a quick look around but it looked like we were the only ones up so far. The sun was peeking over the low gray house that nestled in between the sand dunes and the water was cold when we splashed into the surf. But that just invigorated me and I ducked under the next wave before letting it carry me back towards Kelly.

He was laughing at my antics and I caught him by the legs and upended him into the water. Sputtering, he surged up and tried to catch me while we played tag in the foaming surf. We played for almost half an hour before our growling stomachs sent us back to the house. By then, the beach walkers and runners were out and we escaped into the house to make breakfast.

Once the salt began to dry, we began to itch. Sharing a shower was only a prelude to making love again. I loved his taste and sucking him off was almost as good as eating breakfast. But he pressed the nerve on my cock so I didn't come and told me that he preferred his meal on the dining room table.

And he proved his point when he picked me up and laid me on the table right next to the melon and yogurt before taking me into his hot, wet mouth and pleasuring me right into heaven. I jerked and came forever while he sucked me dry.

"There, I'd like that to be on our menu for many years to come." His blue eyes twinkled down at me where I quivered on the tabletop. I nodded, too overcome to speak and his gaze gentled. "Of course, I'm up for any little variations you'd care to introduce into our menu. The important thing is the proper place of ... protein in our diet."

I began to laugh helplessly and he gathered me up into his strong arms and slid us both into the sturdy chair at the head of the table, chuckling the whole time. It looked like laughter and love was going to be on our menu for the foreseeable future.

I was the luckiest man in the whole world.

*******************   
Johnny POV  
part 20   
*******************   
_High above me an eagle called._

_The wind blew gently against my face upturned to the sky._

_The warmth at my back was Kelly, his arms holding me close._

_Bright laughter rose from the playground where children frolicked._

_The terra cotta walls of a two-story hospital rose from the desert near the two-lane blacktop road._

_The tribal Elders sat in the shade and watched the children play._

_Women hung laundry out to dry among the adobe homes scattered near the hospital._

_A chuckle brought my eyes to Grandfather Flying Arrow, standing near me._

_"You will build well, Johnny. The future is yours to make what ever you wish."_

_"I promise we'll use our resources to help our people, Grandfather."_

_He nodded. "Never forget the joy, Johnny. Everything is stronger when you open your heart and start with love."_

_"I won't forget, Grandfather. I love you."_

_"And I love you, too. Now, finish what must be done and turn your face to the future. The past has nothing left to frighten you. Face the dawn and remember the joy."_

*****************

I awoke with a smile on my face and Kelly's head on my shoulder. Somehow, I knew that the hospital and playground were our future, one that we would build together over the rest of our lives. The sun was probably beginning to peek through the glass doors in the same suite that we'd had for Grandfather Gage's funeral.

This time I was home to bury my Grandmother.

But how very different the emotion was this time. Ace was in the next suite with one other to guard us. Kelly was my bulwark of calm, steady love. Roy and Captain Stanley were back home waiting for me to return. Marcus and Peter Ralston were taking care of the legal side of things. And this time, there'd be no going back to the Gage Estate.

Soot and cinders in a hole in the ground were all that was left of the place.

And that was completely all right with me.

Kelly and I were here to go to her funeral but then we'd be going straight home. I didn't have to worry about Ruchs either, since Ace had set a trap for him and he was in jail on a weapons charge. It felt good to have no more reason to fear my family. From what Marcus Ralston had told us, Uncle Geoffrey had fallen apart when his mother died. Wendell was trying to hold it all together but he was floundering in details.

If they took Marcus' advice, they'd let the acting CEO take charge and try to keep the company on a steady course. Global Economy had tried to press ahead but for once, Wendell had shown some guts and told them that now wasn't the time. Although I hated to admit it, he seemed to be starting to cope. Part of me wanted him to fail miserably but most of me remembered the people working for Gage Industries and their need to keep on working and supporting their families.

"You're thinking." Kelly's sleepy voice told me I'd been busted.

"Good morning, Kelly, I can't seem to stop." I grinned ruefully into his blue eyes.

"Good morning, Johnny, I love you. Are you worrying about them?" He leaned up and kissed me.

The first kiss of the day was always special to me. It reminded me that we were together and that the miracle still continued. Slowly and sensuously, Kelly mapped my mouth with dedicated fervor. His strong morning taste appealed to me and he swore that he found mine equally delicious.

But when we stopped, he was still looking down at me with a question in his eyes. So I tried to answer. "I feel like nothing too bad could ever happen to Geoffrey or Wendell but when I think about the people who depend on Gage Industries then I want the company to get through this with minimum damage. But if it means that the family wins then part of me feels like a dog in the manger."

"I have every confidence that you'll do all you can for the employees of Gage. And if that means that you help the family help them, then that's what you will do." Kelly smiled down at me and spoke confidently.

"You're sure about that?" I couldn't help asking.

"Very sure. The past is over, Johnny. It died with your grandmother. Geoffrey strikes me as being a weak reed who will break easily. Wendell, for all his nastiness, is stronger by far. This might be the making of him. It will be hard but you and I both need to forgive him for his horrible treatment of you when you were kids."

I sighed. "I know it, Kelly, but it will take time. Some of those memories are seared into my memories."

He kissed me again, gently and tenderly. "We have all the time that we need, Johnny. One day at a time we'll tackle it together."

Nodding, I held on tight to his strength.

******

The funeral wasn't so bad after all. With Kelly on one side and Mike on the other, I sat in the same place I'd set in at Grandfather's funeral but their presence made all the difference in the world. The minister seemed to be having a hard time finding adjectives for the woman he was burying. I could well believe that.

But the real eye-opener was Uncle Geoffrey. He seemed to have shrunk somehow. With bowed shoulders and red rimmed eyes, he shook with a continuous tremor that brought me to my senses. It was time to let go of the old pictures and emotions in my head. He looked like an old man and even his wife Priscilla looked lost. Grandmother had abused them just as surely as she had me but in the name of love.

How twisted was that? I really looked at Wendell on his father's other side. He looked like he'd lost twenty pounds since I'd last seen him and his jaw was clenched. Kelly was right. This might be the making of him. And for a brief moment, I pitied him sincerely. He would be doing this alone instead of with the support of friends and lovers.

That was the real test and maybe he'd surprise both of us by reaching out and asking for help. And that would be harder than anything that he'd ever done before, I knew that from experience. But looking past Kelly at the surviving members of my family, I could smile. There was no way they could ever hurt me again because of my stalwart protector.

I was the luckiest man in the world to be so loved. A great weight lifted from my mind and heart. The future was ours to build anew and I found myself wishing the others luck with their burdens. Perhaps, they'd find that love would see them through the trials and tribulations to come. Slipping my hand into Kelly's, I held on tight. Grandfather was right. It was a new dawn and it was time to let joy replace fear.

I let the past go and held onto my future with joy.

*************************   
The end of In Dreams You Come


	6. Tender Loving Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fires are dangerous and Johnny gets hurt.

*******************   
Dixie POV, part one   
******************* 

"Dixie! Call on line three." Lucy called across the hall to where I was consulting with Dr. Early about the elderly patient whose room he'd just left. Joe told me to go ahead and I used the phone on the back counter.

"Dixie McCall, how may I help you?"

"Dixie, this is Captain Stanley from Station 51."

My heart sped up and I had to gulp hard. "What's happened to Johnny?"

He sighed. "We're at a fire in the warehouse district. Johnny and Roy were evacuating a couple of workers who tried to put out the fire when a wall collapsed on them. Roy got his man out and Johnny pushed his guy out of harm's way before he took the brunt of the wall. We're still working on getting him out but he's alive and talking to us."

"Dear God." I took a shaky breath and started praying for the man I loved like a son. "I'll tell Kelly."

"Thanks, I didn't want him to hear it over the radio. Hold on." I could hear him yelling at someone, then he was back on the line. "He's out from under. They'll be transporting just as soon as they can."

"Thank you, Captain. I'll find Kelly now." I heard his goodbye as I hung up the phone and turned to go find Dr. Bracket. Joe was watching me with a frown and I debated whether or not to tell him. I wasn't sure that he realized yet that Kelly and Johnny were lovers.

"Dixie, what's wrong?" He drew me to one side and I took a deep breath before giving him the news. He sighed heavily and shook his head. "I'll find Kelly. He should be finishing up his class on second floor."

Damn, I still didn't know if he knew about them. "I can do that, Dr. Early, while you're getting ready to accept incoming."

He chuckled through his frown. "Don't worry, Dixie, I know. We won't be able to keep Kelly from his side but I'll be the doctor on record."

I don't think I've ever been so relieved in my life. "Thank goodness. I'll go get Dr. Bracket."

Hurrying to the back stairs, I took them two at a time. I may usually saunter but I know how to hotfoot it, too. The class was breaking up and the interns were slowly leaving the classroom while Kelly chatted with Dr. David Sparta by the desk. I thought my expression was calm but I saw him tighten up when he saw me, changing from relaxed to tense in the space of a breath.

David left us with a backward look while I very quietly gave Kelly the bad news. Those beautiful blue eyes of his turned anguished and he led me back downstairs without another word said. When we got to Emergency, they had Roy on the radio giving Johnny's vitals. I couldn't tell who was driving the Squad 51 unit but it sounded like Roy had his hands full with three patients.

I quietly called another doctor to help cover for Kelly who was trying very hard not to pace. We looked at each other when Roy said calmly over the radio that his partner was unconscious and had been so since about five minutes after they'd pulled him from under the wall. That was not a good sign. He probably had a concussion or worse. I was really glad that Joe was on hand.

Hopefully, Johnny wouldn't need his neurologic expertise. I was trying not to think the worst but I was losing the battle when they drove up to the Emergency entrance. We all raced out to help them unload and it seemed like forever before we had Johnny on a cart with Roy holding the oxygen bottle for him. We wheeled him into room one and I took a last glance before I went to sort out the other two.

Johnny was a mess. His pale face smudged with soot, his uniform ripped and burned through in several places. But worst of all was his complete stillness and the anguished look on Roy's face that matched Kelly's. I must have prayed continuously while I got the other two men settled in. Their injuries weren't severe and they were soon settled in a room to await their families.

Finally, I could go back to the members of my family. The medical profession can be a lonely one with long hours of work and unless your husband or wife worked along side of you, very little chance at a healthy relationship. The people at Rampart made up a very special group of individuals and several of the squads were a part of that family. And Johnny Gage was a very loved member of those I considered kin.

Roy was standing outside the room, leaning against the wall and praying silently, if I read his expression correctly. "Roy?"

His eyes opened and he nodded at me. "They don't know. He still hasn't come to. I should have insisted we leave earlier or made him go first."

"Then it would be you in there and Johnny out here saying the exact same thing. He'll be fine. He has to be." I put my arms around him and gave him a hard hug, praying that I'd soon be able to do the same with his partner.

"He just has to, Dixie." Roy's whisper was broken. "I've never seen him as happy as he has been these last three months. After all the pain his family put him through, he and Kelly have something so special that I'd be jealous if I didn't have Joanna and the kids."

I nodded and let him go. "And he will again. Johnny has a guardian angel watching over him and I can't believe that she isn't taking care of him as we speak."

He tried to smile only to whip around when the door beside us opened. Joe came out first and I caught a glimpse of Kelly by Johnny's side. "Dixie, we're going to take him up to fifth floor for a few tests. I'd give Kelly a moment then have the interns wheel him up there. And if you'll go with him?"

"You bet I will. Has he come to yet?" My heart was in my throat.

"Not yet." His smile was forced and I could hardly bear to see it. "The MRI should tell us what's up."

The next few hours were fraught with tension. The MRI showed that aside from a little swelling, there was no skull fracture. Joe would not be operating today and I know how relieved I was when I heard that. Kelly looked calm and sure until you looked in his eyes and saw the fear. Johnny was in a private room and I let Kelly clean him up while I ran interference for him.

When I slipped inside the room just after eight p.m. he was sitting by Johnny's side, holding his hand and talking softly to his comatose lover. He turned his head to see who had come in and he tried to smile at me but his heart wasn't in it. "Dixie."

"Kelly, you need to eat something. Do you want to go to the cafeteria or should I just bring you something?"

"I'm not hungry, Dixie." He shook his head and went back to watching Johnny.

"That may be but I'm still going to get you something. Maybe the smell will wake up, Sleeping Beauty here." He looked so young like this, calm and silent.

"He won't let me call him beautiful." Kelly let his other hand stroke Johnny's cheek.

"He's shy, isn't he?" I went to his other side and took his hand in mine, rubbing some warmth into the cold flesh. "I always knew that he had layers on top of layers inside of him."

"That family of his tried its best to cow him but he fooled them all." Kelly's eyes teared and he closed them. "He makes me laugh every day and when he comes home after a three day shift, he brings the sunshine back with him. I can't lose him now."

"You're not going to, Kelly. He's going to wake up soon." I said with a nod. "He likes pasta salad with Italian dressing. I'll bring some up."

He chuckled tiredly. "I'll eat whatever you bring me."

I laid his limp hand back onto the white sheet and left them together. Making the rounds, I settled a few patients, answered a question from one of the new nurses, Clair Jensen, and made it to the cafeteria before they closed at nine. My favorite cook, Sybil found me a container for the pasta salad and I got Kelly an iced tea to go with it. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight unless Johnny woke up.

By the time I got back to the room it was just after nine and I knocked first before pushing the door open. Johnny hadn't moved and Kelly was on the phone talking to someone. I pulled the tray on wheels over him and opened the container. By what Kelly was saying, I decided it must be Roy on the other end. Captain Stanley had physically removed him from the hospital, driving him home.

I poked a straw in the ice tea lid and opened the package of plastic silverware that we used in the cafeteria. Taking a chance, I stabbed a curled shell dripping with dressing and brushed it over Johnny's lips. Once, twice, then I put it back in the bowl. Nothing. I wondered how far down he'd gone into the twilight world of unconsciousness.

Kelly hung up. "It looks like smell won't work."

I shrugged. "It was worth a try. I suppose that you've already applied the sovereign cure for Sleeping Beauties?"

He smiled and leaned over to drink some iced tea when I saw it.

"Kelly, he licked his lips." I saw the tip of a pink tongue.

"Johnny, can you hear me?" Kelly shoved the tray aside and pressed his fingers to the pulse in his lover's throat.

Long black eyelashes twitched once and the tongue appeared again. Then ever so slowly, his eyes opened and closed almost at once. I dimmed the light and the eyes opened again. Kelly's voice was unsteady. "Johnny? Who am I?"

"Kel." The whisper was almost inaudible but I could have cheered at the single word.

"Thank God." Kelly's voice broke half way through his prayer and I saw a tear slide down his cheek. "Stay awake for me, Johnny. Dixie, is Joe still here?"

"I'll go see. I think I saw him on third about half an hour ago." I left after I brushed my own kiss over Johnny's cheek.

Joe was in his office and I gave him the good news. He followed me back and I stood to one side while he and Kelly put Johnny through a battery of tests. Remembering Roy, I took the phone as far as the cord would reach and called the station house. Captain Stanley was still there and I passed the good news on to him. He promised to call Roy at once and tell the others, too.

With that taken care of, I went back to see if I could help with the tests. Johnny was touching his nose with a rather shaky finger and I sighed quietly. At least his motor skills were intact. Joe asked him about the fire and he blinked once before shaking his head. That happens sometimes, a partial amnesia after head trauma. It might come back or it might not.

If the memory of fire and pain arrived in a dream, Kelly would know what to do.

Joe was finally satisfied and he left to write up his report. Johnny's eyelids were drooping and I could see that he'd back to sleep in a heartbeat or two but he was struggling to stay awake for Kelly. He was worried about his lover and I could see that Kelly was hanging onto his composure with a real effort. They needed some privacy and I brushed a lock of Johnny's hair off his forehead.

"No more scaring us like this, young man. I'll be in to wake you up in two hours."

"Thanks, Dixie, for taking such good care of me." His voice was a little slurred and I knew his body would soon insist he sleep.

"I'll be staying, Dixie."

"You don't have to, Kelly. I'll be fine." Johnny protested.

"I couldn't sleep at home without you." He said simply. "I need to be here."

"Okay." The look of love in those dark eyes made me tear up.

I left them alone and headed for Joe's office. I needed a hug from my own doctor.

******************   
End part one


	7. Tender Loving Care, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They recuperate at the beach.

Johnny POV  
******************  
Kelly was hovering and had been hovering since I first woke up in the hospital. I didn't really mind it since my last thought under that wall was of him and the house that had become my home. I'd lain there and gone over each loving memory as if I'd never make another one with him. Waking up had been a relief since there had been the very real possibility that I wouldn't.

He looked terrible and his hands trembled when he brushed my hair off my forehead. Joe had run me through all the neurologic tests he could think of and Dixie had kissed me goodnight. My speech was a little slurred and I figured that was part of the concussion. All of me ached and I could still smell a little smoke even though somebody had cleaned me up. I was betting on that having been Kelly.

"How do you feel?" He was still stroking my hair.

"Achy, all over." I could barely keep my eyes opened.

"We can't give you anything for the pain until we're sure about your head."

"I know. That feels good, Kel."

"Good. Go back to sleep, Johnny. I love you."

"Love you, too." And with that, I fell back to sleep.

***** 

Roy and Captain Stanley were there at 9 a.m. to make sure I was okay. Kelly looked like he hadn't slept all night but since I had checked out all right every time they woke me up, the look in those beautiful blue eyes was serene. Captain Stanley told me that I had a week off and I wasn't to come back before.

I thought that sounded real good. I had aches on top of aches this morning and still no pain relievers in sight. But Roy brought me a get-well card colored by my favorite goddaughter, Cathy, and I had to laugh at the pink teddy bear with the Band-Aid on his head. She loved pink and I made a mental note to find her another hair ornament for her growing collection.

When Dr. Early came in to give me more tests, they left and Kelly went with them. That kind of surprised me but once Joe started tweaking me, I was too involved to wonder anymore. Half an hour later, I was pronounced good to go. Roy had taken what was left of my uniform back to the station and returned with the clothes from my locker so I had something to wear.

Dixie was by with the paperwork that had to be signed while Kelly was finishing tying my shoes. I couldn't bend to save my life, all the muscles in my back were in spasm. More importantly, my favorite nurse had some serious drugs for me to start taking. I took one of the muscle relaxers with what was left of my breakfast grape juice.

It couldn't start working too soon for me. Kelly disappeared again while I was still joking with Dixie and she made me promise to love him to distraction as soon as we were alone. I nodded. I'd have done that anyway. I needed to hold him and be held in the worst way. Hospital rooms are just too damn open to who ever wants to walk in.

Kelly and I weren't 'out' to anybody but a few friends. It was a dangerous world for same-sex lovers, even in California. The guys at the station might have their suspicions since I was still living with Kelly but then again, that might just be because of the lack of affordable housing. I still took my three-day shifts and Kelly still worked the occasional 18-hour day.

It might look like two friends splitting costs. With Kelly a widower, that might be providing the cover we needed. We were taking it one day at a time for now. But I let those thoughts slip away when Kelly returned in civilian clothes. Dixie laughed and wished us pleasant soaking.

That should have clued me in right then but I was too occupied in trying to get off of the bed. Standing hurt, hell, even sitting hurt. Kelly let me lean on his arm but it definitely felt like it would be a very long walk out to the car. But I should have known that Dixie would be prepared for that. Macho posturing aside, the wheelchair she directed me too with a steel-magnolia look was just what I needed.

She wheeled me out into the corridor and with Kelly by my side, we made it to the parking lot. Kelly went to bring the car up to the entrance and Dixie got in another hug before settling me into the front seat. Then we were off, while I tried to stay awake. But the pill was too strong and when Kelly told me to close my eyes and relax, I did.

"Johnny . . . Johnny, wake up for me." Kelly's voice came from my right and that didn't seem right.

He was driving, wasn't he? And what was that wonderful smell? Forcing my eyes open, I saw the beach house where we'd stayed after the assassination attempt. "Kelly?"

"Ace called last night and told me to bring you here for some 'water-healing'." He grinned and helped me out of the car. "I packed a bag for us about midnight while you were sleeping and Ace sent the keys via messenger service so we're all set to veg out for a week."

"You, too?" I could hardly believe that we'd be off at the same time.

"Me too, Johnny. I cleared it with Mr. Snyder this morning." Kelly steadied me with an arm around my waist, all the way up to the front door.

The scent of brine was everywhere and I breathed it in with a smile. I had always considered myself a forest and desert lover but there was something about the ocean that made me feel whole again. The days we'd spent here before were etched in my mind with clear blue and gold strokes. We walked through the house and out onto the deck.

And there was the golden sand stretching out before us like a shimmering highway leading straight into the blue and white waves that crashed on the shore. I relaxed all over and Kelly was the only thing holding me up. "Come back in, Johnny. We both need a nap so we'll have the energy to take a walk later."

He'd been up all night with me and the medication I'd taken was making me sleepy so I nodded agreement. He walked me back to the bedroom and stripped me bare before tucking me under the cool sheets. I stayed awake with a real effort to watch him undress then he was sliding in beside me, gathering me into his arms and rocking me back to sleep.

******* 

I woke up feeling more like myself. The aches and pains were still there but my body belonged to me again. I flexed all my muscles starting at my toes and moving up until I'd cataloged each one. My chest was still sore and my right shoulder needed some heat to relax those sore tendons. But the welcome warmth of Kelly all along my left side reminded me that I had my own private doctor to take care of me.

Easing over to my side, I trailed my fingers down his arm. I loved feeling all that hair against my skin. Normally he'd have been awake instantly but the emotions of the previous day had exhausted him. I liked to watch him sleep and I leaned in to breathe his musky scent deep into my lungs, driving out the memory of heated, smoky air.

He was a treat for all my senses and I gently pushed the sheet down his body so I could see all of him. His cock was nestled in the furry nest that was his groin and I slid down until I could lean in and taste him. His scent was stronger here and I breathed deep before I ran my tongue over the plum colored head. He shifted a little and I froze, willing him back to sleep.

I wanted to play for a while.

Kelly sighed and moved his hand closer to me before settling back into sleep. I waited for another long minute then licked him again, swirling my tongue around the velvet soft crown of his beautiful cock. He was firming slowly and beginning to lift towards me. With just a little pain, I moved my right hand up to gently cup his thick shaft to help him along.

Nibbling down his tender flesh, I breathed deeply again, drawing in the male musk that was always stronger here. Then I mouthed gentle sucking kisses up the swelling organ and back to the crown where he leaked a single salty tear for me. I fluttered my tongue against the small slit and his hips shifted restlessly, seeking my mouth unconsciously. Grinning, I obliged him by opening wide and sucking just the flared head into my mouth.

"Johnny." His sleepy murmur went straight to my heart and I fluttered against him again. "That's a lovely wake-up call but I need to know how you feel."

I let him go reluctantly and smiled. "I feel fine, achy but bearable. Some heat would be nice on my right shoulder and one of your world-renowned massages later. But I need a little protein right now, so if you don't mind?"

He grinned at me. "Oh, by all means, Johnny. Don't let me interrupt your breakfast."

Sitting up and sliding over his legs, I slid both hands around his now extremely hard cock. Letting one drop to play with his balls, I leaned in to suck him back inside. He was leaking more now but I took it slow and varied my caresses until he was begging me to finish him. And that's when I slid a long finger over his perineum and into him, searching for his gland.

He shouted once and his hips tried to thrust up but I held him down and sucked him deep. With a little hum, I drank down his seed like it was a magic elixir that would heal all that ailed me. Maybe it was, I thought while I drained him dry. I was definitely feeling better if my own cock was any indication. Pressed against his legs, it was hard as a rock and ready to explode.

"Johnny." His blue eyes opened slowly and the love in them made me want to cry for some reason. I really didn't deserve him but his great big heart had taken me in and I was selfish enough not to want him to ever let me go. "Come up here, love. I need a kiss."

I would always obey that tender command.

"Love," he said pulling me up and over onto my back. His kiss was gentle but thorough, scouring my mouth for traces of his own seed. His warm hand was slowly sliding up and down my cock and the too gentle touch was driving me insane.

And he knew it, that teasing lover of mine because he finally broke our kiss with a boyish grin that always melted me into a puddle. Then he was sliding down to my groin and sucking me deep. I withstood that tormenting tongue for almost a minute, fighting the urge to come. But my control was nonexistent and all too soon, I released into that hot, wet mouth of his. Tender sucking drained me completely and I puddled into the sheets with a boneless sprawl. Everything had melted into complete and utter relaxation.

Kelly slid back up and pulled me into his arms, being very careful of the bruises that were springing up all over my torso. But he'd loved me so well that I couldn't feel anything but the pleasure that sang through my whole body. He was my talisman and shield, so long as he held me I was safe.

I must have napped a little more because I awoke to the smell of freshly peeled oranges and fragrant tea. Kelly was nowhere in sight so I rolled out of bed gingerly. A plate with a single slice of orange and a cup with about a swallow of tea sat on the side table. There was also a pair of shorts folded nicely and a sleeveless t-shirt beside them.

Message received. I sucked the orange into my mouth while slowly pulling on the blue shorts. I couldn't raise my arms high enough to get the t-shirt on so I swallowed the tea and went to find my lover. The door to the deck was open and I walked through to see the sun low on the horizon.

"Ah, I knew the oranges would bring you out." Kelly was sprawled on the covered lounger with a tray of finger food beside him. He beckoned me down between his legs and reached for the t-shirt I was holding. Carefully, he eased it over my sore shoulder then stretched it out so I could finish getting it on. Smoothing it down over my chest, he took the opportunity to tweak my nipples while I caught my breath.

"Food first then maybe a walk?" He asked me and I nodded with my mouth full of fresh pineapple. He chuckled a little and poured me a cup of tea. I smiled at him and kept chewing. It felt like a week since I'd eaten. He held me and watched me eat, occasionally slipping in a kiss or two when my mouth was empty.

When I felt pleasantly full, he helped me out of the lounger and let me catch my balance before we walked down to the soft sand. It stretched out before us, the white sugar sand turned blood red by the setting sun. The waves were soft and lazy, just the way I felt right now. Another couple was walking near the wave line and they smiled at us as we passed them.

They were in their sixties and unashamedly holding hands. I was kind of envious of them. Would the world ever be accepting enough to let Kelly and me do that? I sighed and felt his warm hand on my lower back. "Someday, Johnny, maybe it will be safe, even accepted. I love you."

"I love you too, Kel. Maybe someday." I smiled at him then stopped in awe of the beautiful sunset. Red and gold flared on the horizon until slowly but surely the sun sank beneath the waves. I sighed or maybe it was Kelly but we exchanged a look of complete contentment before walking on a little further. Dusk was well advanced when we came back to the beach house.

Ace had stocked the fridge with fresh fish, vegetables and fruit so we set up the grill on the deck and ate like kings. I was pleasantly stuffed but also stiffening up by the time that Kelly put the dishes in the dishwasher. I walked stiff-legged to the bathroom and started the tub filling. It was one of those big Jacuzzi's and I could hardly wait to soak.

Strong arms slid around me and helped me finish pushing my shorts off. A warm hand cupped my cock and balls and I relaxed against him with a sigh. We didn't have to say a word, he knew me so well by now that he knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling. That might have been scary but I knew him inside and out, too. Even though it had only been a few months, our years of friendship had been preparing the way for this new form of communication.

Soft lips kissed behind my ear and I shivered. "Johnny, into the tub with you. Once you're relaxed, I'll give you a massage. You're one big black and blue bruise."

I snorted and pulled just far enough away to slide into the round tub. "That's what it feels like, too." I batted my eyelashes at him and tried to look demure. "But your magical hands will help."

He sank into the other end with a little leer. "My hands are always at your disposal, Johnny."

Grabbing one of my feet, he proceeded to massage it into ecstasy. I lay back and floated in the steaming water while he moved to the other foot then slowly moved up my legs. Even though I was relaxed, my cock had different ideas. The closer he got to my groin, the harder I got. By the time he palmed and lifted my cheeks up so my cock broke the surface of the water, I was rock hard and leaking.

Taking pity on me, he swallowed me whole and sucked once, drinking me down like a hot cup of coffee. I went boneless, his hands the only thing keeping me from sinking to the bottom. He chuckled and tenderly helped me from the tub. Drying me gently, he carried me into the cool bedroom and laid me on the smooth cotton sheets. I was asleep almost before he took his hands away.

When I awoke, I couldn't tell what time it was but I was lying on my stomach on a beach towel. His warm hands were sliding smoothly up my legs leaving behind an oily finish that felt like a little bit of heaven. My legs were splayed open and he moved slowly over my buttocks to the small of my back. I sighed his name contentedly and he dropped a soft kiss between my shoulder blades.

"Make love to me, Kelly. Remind me that we're both alive and together." I said softly and felt his hands still just below my ribs.

"I'm afraid that I'll hurt you. Your back is one huge contusion." His lips ghosted down my spine while I shivered.

"You won't hurt me, Kel. Get me ready then I'll go to my side so you're not laying on my back." It would work and we'd last a long time.

"My brainy fireman," he slowly went back to stroking my cheeks, first together than apart. When his thumb popped inside, I moaned with pleasure. His other hand was rolling my balls gently and I could feel myself break into a sweat. He has the most healing hands in the world.

I was about to lose my mind when he rolled me over to one side and slid behind me. I was so relaxed that he impaled me with a single thrust. I felt deliciously filled and I waited for him to move. His tongue was painting his initials on my neck while his hands smoothed my stomach muscles. My cock was hard again but it wasn't a frantic hard just a waiting-to-be-touched hard.

Rocking his hips forward then back, he started stroking my cock randomly. When he slid one of his legs between mine, the wiry hairs on his legs started teasing my balls. My breath was coming faster and I had to moan again. That's when he started nibbling my ear lobe and a white-hot bolt of lightning sizzled through my body. My groan was heartfelt and he just chuckled, picking up the pace of his thrusts.

"Beautiful Johnny . . . my hot love . . . so tight . . . oh yeah, squeeze those muscles." His little comments were beginning to get a growl to them and I thought about my dream bear who'd begun to sound like my lover. "Mine, Johnny, you're all mine."

"Kelly, oh there, right there." I was flushing hot and cold, unable to feel a single bruise. "I'm yours, love, all yours."

His hips were slamming into me and his grip was tightening around my cock until I was about to lose my mind. I could feel my balls draw up tight against my scrotum and fell over the edge of pleasure. I filled his hand and felt him pulse once inside me before he flooded me with his heat. Trembling, I tried to get more air into my starved lungs while he jerked and came again.

"Johnny," he finally sighed against the spot where he'd bitten me. "Damn, I marked you. Does it hurt?"

It was my turn to chuckle. "I don't feel a thing, Doc. You've got the magic touch."

He kissed it then started licking the suddenly sensitive skin while my cock tried to come back to life. "If you're sure? I plan on touching you everywhere."

"Tender loving care, Kelly, that's what you're dispensing." I turned my head just enough to share a kiss. I was going to be a model patient so we could keep playing doctor. I was pretty sure he'd like that. And so would I.

*******************  
The end for now


End file.
